Too Close To Info Dump?

[Creed]

I'm wondering about whether or not this is, in a way, a so-called info dump? Should I split it up? Any other suggestions?
It's (probably) during the first real encounter the reader gets to Damek, when Renel (an old friend and the POV character) asks him about his children.
A few details:
His son is an important character. I plan a twist to show the familial relationship. The son is a mage, and Damek doesn't like mages. It's the equivalent, in this case, of having a gay son.
The Unification War brought the continent under a single empire.
Korsek is the southernmost region of the continent. The Northern Provinces are… well, north.
The Lethos are the natives, basically. I live in Canada, where Native issues pop up every now and again. I wanted to reflect that in my fantasy, and to explore their fictional culture.

The smile, however, quickly faded. "My daughters? Let's see… I don't know. I think one of 'em is over in New Gardoth. My son…," Damek winced, "he's somewhere in the Provinces, no doubt."
Renel nodded. Damek had his first two children before he left for war. That was after the Unification, and all that was left for a soldier to do was quelling riots and putting the Lethos in place. Damek held quite a few prejudices after his service, to Korseki, Northmen, and- most deeply- to those Lethos. His children had grown up detached from their father, and his third was born into a family with a drunkard father. That was far from bad, everything considered. Damek never beat his wife or his children; he found such behaviour altogether too "savage".

 

[Weaver]

No, this is not an info dump.

As Lady Holiday said to Miss Piggy in The Great Muppet Caper , "It's plot exposition. It has to go somewhere."

This is information the reader needs, from what you've told us. How else would you convey that information, if not through brief bits of narration like your example? By writing clunky "As you know, Bob" conversations instead?

 

[Creed]

I knew it wasn't a traditional info dump. However I was concerned it was too much for the middle of a dialogue segment. It's not a matter of breaking the flow- the piece does a good job of implying an awkward pause between them- so much as a matter of "Am I giving too much at once?"
Often in sequels I find these sorts of things, and they're annoying. However this is not a sequel and it seems to work okay.

 

[Creed]

I realise "father" shows up twice in the same sentence. I'll have to change that.

 

[BWFoster78]

Renel nodded.

This needs to go in a separate paragraph. If you have a character speaking in a paragraph, only that character should act in that paragraph.

Damek had his first two children before he left for war. That was after the Unification, and all that was left for a soldier to do was quelling riots and putting the Lethos in place. Damek held quite a few prejudices after his service, to Korseki, Northmen, and- most deeply- to those Lethos. His children had grown up detached from their father, and his third was born into a family with a drunkard father. That was far from bad, everything considered. Damek never beat his wife or his children; he found such behaviour altogether too "savage".

I consider this absolutely to be an info dump.

You, as the author, are stepping outside the character's POV and telling us background information. If that's not the definition of an info dump, what is?

 

[Mara Edgerton]

It does feel info-dumpy to me--mainly, I suppose, because I don't know why Renel is reviewing this information in his head. As BW Foster points out above, it feels almost like we've left Renel's POV so some omniscient narrator can give us background.

I think you need to find a way to keep us firmly in Renel's head, and give us solid reasons why Renel is thinking about all this.

 

[Creed]

It does feel info-dumpy to me--mainly, I suppose, because I don't know why Renel is reviewing this information in his head. As BW Foster points out above, it feels almost like we've left Renel's POV so some omniscient narrator can give us background.

I think you need to find a way to keep us firmly in Renel's head, and give us solid reasons why Renel is thinking about all this.

The problem is it's character exposition and introduction. I need to relay the information of Damek's past somehow, and- commenting on Weaver's post- I'm not inserting "clunky" or silly dialogue pieces of explanation. That would be extremely out of place.
Keeping it "firmly in Renel's head" isn't difficult, but how do I give a "solid reason why Renel is thinking about this"? He's doing it because it's an introduction to Damek and because it's relevant to the conversation- otherwise the reader would be left with the piece dialogue about his children and nothing else.
I'm not sure how to handle this. Any suggestions?

 

[Mara Edgerton]

The problem is it's character exposition and introduction. I need to relay the information of Damek's past somehow, and- commenting on Weaver's post- I'm not inserting "clunky" or silly dialogue pieces of explanation. That would be extremely out of place.
Keeping it "firmly in Renel's head" isn't difficult, but how do I give a "solid reason why Renel is thinking about this"? He's doing it because it's an introduction to Damek and because it's relevant to the conversation- otherwise the reader would be left with the piece dialogue about his children and nothing else.
I'm not sure how to handle this. Any suggestions?

I would try drawing out the conversation, giving Renel a reason to review what he already knows. Something like:


The smile, however, quickly faded. "My daughters? Let's see… I don't know. I think one of 'em is over in New Gardoth. My son…," Damek winced, "he's somewhere in the Provinces, no doubt."

"Somewhere?" Renel shook his head in disbelief. True, Damek's children had grown up detached from their father, but the man didn't even know where they were?

Yet Renel knew he shouldn't be surprised. Damek had been off at war while the older two were growing up, and and--well, he was a drunkard by the time his third was born. Still, he was a better father than some. At least he he'd never beaten his wife or children; he found such behavior altogether too "savage."

Ok, I'm sure you'll do better, but you see what I mean. Meanwhile, I would save the information on his prejudices and any details on the war until they become relevant--no need to tell too much at once.

 

[Creed]

I would try drawing out the conversation, giving Renel a reason to review what he already knows. Something like:


The smile, however, quickly faded. "My daughters? Let's see… I don't know. I think one of 'em is over in New Gardoth. My son…," Damek winced, "he's somewhere in the Provinces, no doubt."

"Somewhere?" Renel shook his head in disbelief. True, Damek's children had grown up detached from their father, but the man didn't even know where they were?

Yet Renel knew he shouldn't be surprised. Damek had been off at war while the older two were growing up, and and--well, he was a drunkard by the time his third was born. Still, he was a better father than some. At least he he'd never beaten his wife or children; he found such behavior altogether too "savage."

Ok, I'm sure you'll do better, but you see what I mean. Meanwhile, I would save the information on his prejudices and any details on the war until they become relevant--no need to tell too much at once.

Ooooh! I like that!
Thank you for your help!