Writing, Anxiety and Perfectionism

[DragonOfTheAerie]

I'm actually a huge pantser. Many times I've written about my process on this site and I'm very vocal about how outlining bores me to death, and how I've only finished 2 stories of the several I've outlined. The story I'm working on atm is from a half-baked outline, where I'm making the effort to learn and memorize romance plot structure so I never have to outline again. I'm simply trying to help but you keep making assumptions and shooting down what I'm saying in good faith. So okay.

Sorry, i know you're trying to help. When you talked about planning everything out beforehand i assumed you meant outline. What do you mean by getting the story structure right before writing if not outline?

 

[evolution_rex]

This is probably the best place to share my recent story;

I took a break from writing my horror WIP in May and June, because I had finished the first draft. I was suppose to get started on it at the beginning of July, but I really procrastinated. My main issue is that I do a lot of outlining and stuff, but when reviewing my first draft, I came up with so many improvements that it became overwhelming. I didn't know how to change all at once. So I tried to do a new outline, my hope was to start from scratch. But I hated that, and the idea of completely rewriting things really made me feel sick.

It wasn't until Sunday that I just started making a new draft with an unfinished outline. It feels good, I've been salvaging paragraphs from my previous draft and starting all new stuff from scratch and it feels good. My main problem is just how poorly written it is. At this point I'm not even going for an attempt at quality, it's really just to get words down. Which pains me, but it's the only way I know how do to it.

What worries me is that I don't know how long I'll be doing this 'not trying to care about how I write, just getting words down' so that I can get the story out of the way. What if by the time I review the second draft, I find more ideas for improvement? Am I just going to be rewriting and rewriting? The way I'm writing now makes me feel stupid and isn't enjoyable. How long does this last? I know there isn't an answer, but I understand the feeling of anxiety.

 

[Heliotrope]

Sorry, i know you're trying to help. When you talked about planning everything out beforehand i assumed you meant outline. What do you mean by getting the story structure right before writing if not outline?

I'll respond to this, even though it was directed at Chesterama. Chessie describes herself as a pantser, and i describe myself as a plotter... but actually the more I learn about Chessie the more I think she and I are very similar in our approach.

So, for example, I typically use 3 act story structure and this story planning format

Dirty 30s! - The Lester Dent Pulp Paper Master Fiction Plot

In the beginning, I did a lot of plotting so I could memorize the story format, as Chesterama describes. Now that I've done it a hundred times on stories varying from 100 words to 100,000 words I have the format down. Memorized. Now as I'm writing I know exactly what needs to go where without having to majorly plot anything out.

Let me expand (this might be long):

Let's pretend I'm drafting a Middle Grades time travel story for kids ages 9-13 (which is my current WIP). Typically stories for this age range are 50,000-70,000 words.

Ok, so since I've done this a hundred times I don't need to do too much outlining. I did do a "mock-up", which is what I call a very quick draft, usually around 10,000 words, showing what should happen where. But as I get into drafting I know that:

If I want the story to be around 70,000 words TOPS then the first

17,500 words is ACT ONE, split into five Chapters of 3500 words.

Act One must include very specific things:

Chapter 1 - Set up, life before the shit hits the fan. Shows the character has a problem but is not yet ready to deal with it. Shows the characters strengths and flaws. Hint at all the main characters and the main conflict.

Chapter 2 - Theme stated, what is this story going to be about? What lessons will this character have to learn? This should be hinted at, not explicitly stated.

Chapter 3 - Catalyst. This is where stuff starts to go bad, or things need to change. Something big has rocked the character's world and she has to make a CHOICE.

Chapter 4 - Debate. This is when Rapunzel goes back and forth in Tangled about whether she should go with Flynn Ryder or not. She feels so free! But also so worried her mother will be angry. The character should not make a huge choice without having a huge internal debate about the choice. This needs to be a hard choice and she needs to weigh the options.

Chapter 5- Inciting moment. This is where she is forced to make the choice and enter into the story world. She cannot go back to the way things were before. She is officially re-acting to whatever the inciting event was, and has a goal to try to solve the problem.

End of Act 1. The next 17,500 words make up

ACT 2: PART 1

Chapter 6 - B-plot. This is where the theme starts to come into play. This is like an aside scene where I may include a touching father/daughter moment, a love scene, or focus on a subplot that ties into the main plot. This could also be a scene where I show bad guys being bad (like a scene from another POV).

Chapters 7-9 - Fun and Games! The Main character and her crew are getting down and dirty to achieve their goal. They have a plan, they are putting that plan into action, things are going wrong, try-fail cycles abound, but it is awesome! This is called fun and games because it is usually all the awesome stuff that you see in movie trailers. If you want sword fights on burning buildings in thunder storms with flying dragons this is where you would put it. This is the promise of the premise. This is where, if the reader read "time traveling pirates" on the back of the book, you would put all the awesome stuff that comes along with time traveling pirates. Sword fights in the subway station, flying ships, ancient cursed treasure and the beasts that guard it, etc.

Chapter 10 - Midpoint reversal. Horray! The team has achieved their goal! They got into the treasure vault and they have managed to steal the treasure and defeat the horrible beast that guards it! Maybe they will be able to stop the curse after all!

But....

The midpoint reversal is the ultimate BUT.

But, as soon as they touch the treasure they realize that the beast that was guarding it was not wanting to protect the treasure... It was trying to protect them from the treasure! With the guardian beast now dead the cursed souls trapped in the treasure are able to roam free and take over New York. Now the only way to save New York is to take the treasure back to where it came from, but that is impossible without them all becoming cursed themselves.

The midpoint reversal is about new information. A new twist. A big but. A new goal. Things are worse off then ever before. Stakes are raised.

The next 17,500 words is Act 2: Part two.

Chapters 11-14 are what I call "Bad guys close in". This is where fun and games are over and things are starting to get bad. Friends are lost. The main characters team can't agree and there starts to be issues within the team. The team breaks up. People are captured. The main character gets weaker and weaker and weaker until it seems almost impossible. They catch the whiff of death. They are going to give up. Finally, they think they have a plan. They think they can defeat this thing once and for all. They think they have it all figured out.

Chapter 15: But they don't. This is the Act 2 Disaster. This is the worst thing that could possibly happen. This is where the character makes once last ditch effort and fails. Miserably. There is another twist here. Another But. New information. New secrets revealed. The main character learns they never had a chance.

Finally, the last 17,500 words are Act 3.

Chapter 16: Despair. The world is over. The villain is impossible to beat.

Chapter 17: Glimmer! Hope! Wait a minute! The answer was there all along! Oh, how could I have been so stupid! It was right under my nose! Pick up boot straps and try again, one last time.

Chapter 18: Climax. The ultimate face off. New knowledge gained. A new twist and finally....

Chapter 19: Success! Horray! The main character learns their lesson, over comes their flaw and achieves success.

Chapter 20: Final scene. The opposite of the opening scene, showing change and progress.

The End.

^^^^ Is my story format that I like to use. I have the entire thing memorized and I use it over and over and over again. When I tell stories to my son at night, when I write shorts, when I write novellas, everything. Always that story structure. I have it memorized so I have very little plotting to do. I know as I'm going where I need to add in something, or when I know that something big needs to be coming.

So usually when I start a story I have an idea of a beginning (inciting moment) a middle (midpoint reversal) and-and end (climax) but then often fill in the blanks as I go.

 

[Chessie]

@Helio, yes. Great, thorough explanation! You do it per chapter, I do it per beats. Every scene has 1-2 plot beats, and every chapter has 2-3 scenes. The beats are just what I know must go in the story, but this is rarely something I plot out before I begin writing. My story ideas come flooding in with scenes and impressions of characters. I'll write out the information on paper during a brainstorming session. Then I'll start writing asap. I lay down beats as I write, thinking, "okay, I'm getting the feeling that this has been the intro along with character flaw established, now it's time for Meet Cute", and etc. I don't write a 20 page outline before starting; it's just intuitive at this point if that makes sense.

The only reason why I plotted this particular novella with a romance plot book is because my romance plots needed massive help, and romance is very specific in what it requires for readers to be fulfilled. Once I get the structure down (notice I said structure), then I'll never plot again. And that's the beauty of it. I like being able to just write once I have enough information about character, setting, plot. It's formulaic but really, that's what sells books. Readers like certain things. We've talked about this before. But I'd say the only difference is that once I get the first draft down, I don't rewrite any of the scenes. The beats are established already and that's the basic skeleton of the story. If the skeleton is deformed, then I can't straighten it out no matter how hard I try to polish my prose.

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

@Helio, yes. Great, thorough explanation! You do it per chapter, I do it per beats. Every scene has 1-2 plot beats, and every chapter has 2-3 scenes. The beats are just what I know must go in the story, but this is rarely something I plot out before I begin writing. My story ideas come flooding in with scenes and impressions of characters. I'll write out the information on paper during a brainstorming session. Then I'll start writing asap. I lay down beats as I write, thinking, "okay, I'm getting the feeling that this has been the intro along with character flaw established, now it's time for Meet Cute", and etc. I don't write a 20 page outline before starting; it's just intuitive at this point if that makes sense.

The only reason why I plotted this particular novella with a romance plot book is because my romance plots needed massive help, and romance is very specific in what it requires for readers to be fulfilled. Once I get the structure down (notice I said structure), then I'll never plot again. And that's the beauty of it. I like being able to just write once I have enough information about character, setting, plot. It's formulaic but really, that's what sells books. Readers like certain things. We've talked about this before. But I'd say the only difference is that once I get the first draft down, I don't rewrite any of the scenes. The beats are established already and that's the basic skeleton of the story. If the skeleton is deformed, then I can't straighten it out no matter how hard I try to polish my prose.

For me, rewriting scenes is more about tweaking the plot than polishing the prose. I might have to try several possibilities to see which one works the best.

 

[Demesnedenoir]

Yeah I haven't done a formal layout of a story since screenwriting... And then only one or two there. I don't think much about it anymore, except out of curiosity to see how something I wrote fits the models... Much like a horoscope, it can invariably be made to fit, LOL. Different people will define rewrite and revision differently, for others they are interchangable. I don't rewrite, I revise, and I will drop entire subplots/POVs if things are running too long. Rewrite as in toss it and start over, never, the bones of the story are too figured out in my head to change, but the meat can change.

 

[La Volpe]

That's exactly what ive been doing. And i realized recently that it's not helping. I know i'm not always going to enjoy what i'm writing, but when it's making me miserable, i have no choice but to walk away.
<snip>
Other people on here have stated that they have no emotional connection to any of their works. I can't imagine that. If i can't bond with a story, i get bored of it very quickly, and i have no motivation to continue. However, if i can connect emotionally to a story, that connection will see me through the hard times and help me to continue. My current work has always been my favorite story. i've taken long breaks from it at times, but it's always been there, tugging at the edges of my mind, beckoning me back. It's been a long time since i've actually been able to work on it, and that is weighing on me.

I'm looking for something to care about, if that makes sense. I've been looking through all my old idea notebooks, but none of them are speaking to me. They're just concepts mostly, and i don't have any characters for them, or even a plot. I have many great ideas that could be made into best-selling novels, but i have no motivation to write them. I'll probably come back to them later, but as of now...?

Well, I think that you just have one brand of connection to a story, as opposed to the other brands of connections other people have.

To try and explain, let's take myself as an example. I write stories because I like cool things like people flying through the air with giant swords and fighting monsters. I like awesome magic and cool technology. It's the same reason why I like the Mistborn novels, but not the Great Gatsby. My 'connection' is the cool stuff that happens. And in addition to that, I like the craft part of it, where I can create an impression of a person simply by adding words.

So, to put this in perspective: When I lose my motivation to write, I try to come back to the thing that made this connection for me in the first place, and I often find that I've endlessly postponed or otherwise watered it down. So I find a way to put the cool stuff that made me want to write the story in the scene I'm busy with. Kind of a "add a man with a gun and explain it later" kind of deal. Just to get me excited about the story again.

Something else that makes me excited to write is when I read about a technique for making a villain, or a technique for making your character more sympathetic etc. I read it, and I start to make connections to my current story and figure out how I could implement this. It makes me excited enough that I can barely finish the article/book/etc. before going back and writing/outlining with that in mind.

So, what is my point? You need to concretely identify what it is that you need to be connected to a story. For me it's cool swords, magic, and monsters. For you, it's something else, maybe, or a collection of something-elses. You say that you're looking for something to care about, and for your stories to speak to you. Your answer lies in there somewhere, but you need to dig deeper until you find a concrete answer for what it is that makes you connected to a story and what makes you excited about it. Then find that thing in your story again, and write.

BUT. It is also possible that you're just burned out. So your instinct might be right. You've been working on this story for a long time, and you're constantly pushing yourself to make it perfect. Sometimes, when something is difficult (and writing definitely hits that mark) and you've been at it too long, you just need to take a break, have some tea, build some LEGO figures, and get some sleep. Then you come back to it when you're ready.

Again, Top Scribe is turning out to be much more stressful than i thought it would be. The deadline is less than two weeks away and i still don't have a basic plotline for the story. The prompts are very limiting and i'm having difficulty including them all. Since most of the scoring depends on how well you incorporated the prompts i might as well not enter.

Well, the incorporation of the prompts are 10/25 points (you'll note that the scores out of 10 are combined into a single item of 10 points). So it's pretty important, but it might be a good exercise to get something written and submitted, even if it's not perfect.

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

In the last couple days I have been going through various stages of writers' panic. good thing I'm mule-headed.

 

[skip.knox]

The Seven Stages of Writer's Panic: panic, panic, panic, panic, panic, breathe, panic

 

[Addison]

Every writer handles panic their own way, just as their panic manifests in different way. Overall there's three ways I deal with the panic: Eat/Drink chocolate, Go on a walk/hike, Daydream. A rare 4th is I read, it's rare because if I read while I'm in a panic then the story I read infects my story. Characters, setting and plot seep into mine.

The panic comes in waves, some panic more prominent at different times. Stage 1: I go through my story and delete things that don't belong. 2: Try and fail to write scenes to fill the space. 3: Delete the scenes from stage 2. 4: Freak out and pray I can retrieve what I deleted in stage 1. 5: Go through the outlining process. 6: Stress about the outline process as I set my story under a powerful microscope and try rearranging it like a jigsaw puzzle w/o borders. 7: After a significant gorging, and a long hike to walk it off then sleep/daydream for such a time my family thinks I'm gone, I force myself to re-read my entire story AGAIN, but with fresh eyes and refreshed passion, trying not to throw up as I realize I need someone else to read it to get the feedback I need.

Every writer has anxiety. The trick is to know when and how your anxiety manifests and how to deal with it.