Character development.

[Dr.Dorkness]

Hi all,

I just finished small surmaries of some of the characters in my story. I'd like to know if i'm on the right path and what you think of them. here they are:

Armir One-eye – Armir is a dwarven miner. As his name suggests he only has one eye. In his younger years a shard of rock penetrated his eye as he was mining. Armir is a drunkard. He drinks to drown his sorrow. For in the past he lost his whole family and clan due to a mysterious disease. He is the last survivor of his clan. He loved his wife and children very much. He did a lot of stuff he regrets. His behaviour was so bad that he was exiled by the previous dwarven king. Armir joins Lar in his quest to become king to restore his honour as a dwarf.

Kazu na'ir – Kazu is a troll of the jungles of Janda. He can't talk. For his father cut out his tongue at a young age. His father was a cruel man and this scarred Kazu for life. Kazu wields the spear, and there is no ecual to his skill with it. He also has darts and a blowpipe. He is a hunter by trade, but he dreams of something bigger and the world outside his jungle. He eventualy joins Lar to see the world and experience new things.

Knud the gentle – Knud is a orc. A huge orc as far as orcs go. He is at least one head taller than the largest orc out there. Which is quite large already. Knud is bullied by the other orcs, even though he is quite a bit larger and stronger. He is bullied because he is practically blind. He is useless in the orcish community because of his bad eyes. Knud is a gentle soul. He does not like to fight. But you should not get on his bad side. For even the bravest man would be scared if he gets angry. Knud desperately wants to be of use. Therefore he joins Lar. He turns out to be a faithful companion.

Bibi – Bibi is a munchkin. Like all munchkin she is a coward. But as it turns out she falls in love with Lar. This is why she joins him. She is useless. But it turns out she is a great healer. Although her means are not very unconventional. For example to cure a cough she hangs a dried dead rat around the neck of the victim. Surprisingly it works. She carries all kinds of items in her large ragged bag. Anyone of the items is to cure some kind of ailment. She is also the one that saved Armir from the disease that killed his family.

Wendel – Wendel is the grandfather of Lar. Like lar and his father he is of the line of heroes. The only long lived humans in the world. But age has caught up with him. He is one hundred something.
He has become a grumpy old man. But he teaches his grandson to fight. As is the tradition. After that he joins Lar. For his lessons never end. In reality he just wants to be with the only family he has left. His own son Cardell is preoccupied by more important matters. So Lar is the only one he has left.

Shiva Wildmane – Shiva is one of the sly cat people. Her father is the ruler of the beastribes. She is the youngest of twelve children. Probably also the weakest. But beware of her nails. She is her fathers favorite. His spoiled little princess. She is lazy and only wants to have fun. She has a weak spot for Lar and joins because she finds him interesting, or so she says. Perhaps she is just there to win his heart. She actually becomes a valuable member of the team.

Wyneth – Wyneth is a lundir. One of the elven kind. She is not capable to do shadow magic, like her kin. Which puts her in a disadvantage. But she learned the art of swordplay. Her rapier is quite deadly. She is also a kleptomaniac. Steals every thing she finds. This causes a lot of discomfort in the group. She also constantly argues with Armir. She joins Lar by mistake. She stole his ring. For this crime she must be punished. She does not want to go to jail so to repay for her crime she joins Lar.

Dolri – Dolri is one of the aarda. A subterranean race that mastered the art of teleportation. He is a studious character. And he uses his intellect to pull pranks on the others. He is a very annoying man. But so are all the aarda. They have their own sense of humour. He is not a warrior. But he can inflict a lot of hurt with his teleporting. In a fight he is usually the distraction. To the enemy as well as to his friends. He follows Lar and his friends around as a stalker. Eventually he is accepted as one of the companions.

Please let me know what you think. I tried to give them all some flaws. Please hit me with any questions you might have. thanks in advance

 

[wino]

Who is Lar?

 

[Dr.Dorkness]

Who is Lar?

Lar is th MC. didn't write one for him.

 

[Gurkhal]

I take it that English isn't your native language. Which is cool since it isn't my first either. You may want to look over the grammer however as there are some things that I could pick out to be incorrect.

Armir One-eye — Armir is a dwarven miner. As his name suggests he only has one eye. In his younger years a shard of rock penetrated his eye as he was mining. Armir is a drunkard. He drinks to drown his sorrow. For in the past he lost his whole family and clan due to a mysterious disease. He is the last survivor of his clan. He loved his wife and children very much. He did a lot of stuff he regrets. His behaviour was so bad that he was exiled by the previous dwarven king. Armir joins Lar in his quest to become king to restore his honour as a dwarf.

Ok, sounds like an ok concept. But I would question if it wouldn't be better to say that his lost his sight in one eye due to the illness that claimed his family. That way you can keep his nickname and physical flaw while at the same time tie it in with his most important background event.

What was the stuff he did that he regrets and most importantly, why did he do it? Since he was exiled I assume it was more serious than just being a jerk to people. And what makes him think that joining Lar will help him restore his dwarf honor? As opposed to stay and be a nice guy in his own community?

Kazu na'ir — Kazu is a troll of the jungles of Janda. He can't talk. For his father cut out his tongue at a young age. His father was a cruel man and this scarred Kazu for life. Kazu wields the spear, and there is no ecual to his skill with it. He also has darts and a blowpipe. He is a hunter by trade, but he dreams of something bigger and the world outside his jungle. He eventualy joins Lar to see the world and experience new things.

Why did his father cut out his tongue? Was it because Kazu said something that he didn't like? Seems like an ok character concept although why did he join Lar, as opposed to venture out in his own or with like-minded trolls?

Knud the gentle — Knud is a orc. A huge orc as far as orcs go. He is at least one head taller than the largest orc out there. Which is quite large already. Knud is bullied by the other orcs, even though he is quite a bit larger and stronger. He is bullied because he is practically blind. He is useless in the orcish community because of his bad eyes. Knud is a gentle soul. He does not like to fight. But you should not get on his bad side. For even the bravest man would be scared if he gets angry. Knud desperately wants to be of use. Therefore he joins Lar. He turns out to be a faithful companion.

To me this is a bit of a contradiction. If he is practically blind then why would someone be afraid of him even while he's angry as he can't see them, and thus will have a serious time landing a blow on them? And why does Lar take on a blind orc on an adventure? I assume its an act of kindness.

Bibi — Bibi is a munchkin. Like all munchkin she is a coward. But as it turns out she falls in love with Lar. This is why she joins him. She is useless. But it turns out she is a great healer. Although her means are not very unconventional. For example to cure a cough she hangs a dried dead rat around the neck of the victim. Surprisingly it works. She carries all kinds of items in her large ragged bag. Anyone of the items is to cure some kind of ailment. She is also the one that saved Armir from the disease that killed his family.

You should remove the part "she is useless" since she isn't useless but a great healer. How come that Bibi was aorund to save Armir but was not able to save his family? What's their relation because of this? Does Armir blame her for only being able to save him or is he grateful for his life?

Wendel — Wendel is the grandfather of Lar. Like lar and his father he is of the line of heroes. The only long lived humans in the world. But age has caught up with him. He is one hundred something.
He has become a grumpy old man. But he teaches his grandson to fight. As is the tradition. After that he joins Lar. For his lessons never end. In reality he just wants to be with the only family he has left. His own son Cardell is preoccupied by more important matters. So Lar is the only one he has left.

What manner of matters are so important that Cardell can't even be counted as being part of the family anymore. And Is Cardell Lar's father or uncle?

Shiva Wildmane — Shiva is one of the sly cat people. Her father is the ruler of the beastribes. She is the youngest of twelve children. Probably also the weakest. But beware of her nails. She is her fathers favorite. His spoiled little princess. She is lazy and only wants to have fun. She has a weak spot for Lar and joins because she finds him interesting, or so she says. Perhaps she is just there to win his heart. She actually becomes a valuable member of the team.

How come that a king allows his favorite child to go out on an adventure with some strangers and, I assume, potentially risk her life or become a hostage that the king will have to either pay dearly to have returned or potentially have to send out soldiers to retrieve her? Or even lose her to a violent death?

Wyneth — Wyneth is a lundir. One of the elven kind. She is not capable to do shadow magic, like her kin. Which puts her in a disadvantage. But she learned the art of swordplay. Her rapier is quite deadly. She is also a kleptomaniac. Steals every thing she finds. This causes a lot of discomfort in the group. She also constantly argues with Armir. She joins Lar by mistake. She stole his ring. For this crime she must be punished. She does not want to go to jail so to repay for her crime she joins Lar.

Why is she kept around if her kleptomania discomforts the group? And if someone stole from me I wouldn't want her in my team at all but rather have her at a distance. Why does Lar put up with her and even accept her into his group?

Dolri — Dolri is one of the aarda. A subterranean race that mastered the art of teleportation. He is a studious character. And he uses his intellect to pull pranks on the others. He is a very annoying man. But so are all the aarda. They have their own sense of humour. He is not a warrior. But he can inflict a lot of hurt with his teleporting. In a fight he is usually the distraction. To the enemy as well as to his friends. He follows Lar and his friends around as a stalker. Eventually he is accepted as one of the companions.

Be very careful with using teleportation magic in a story. This could easily lead to situations where you'll have to bend all over things to explain why something is a problem or have something be exciting when Dolri can just teleport around. How come that they accept a stalker as a companion? Many people would do the opposite.

 

[Asura Levi]

As Grukhal pointed out that are many 'why' in the relationships, and thus many opportunities for good stories.
Reading as it is now, I imagine they are companions for years past already. So, all the 'grouping' would have being done long ago, with plenty of time for acceptance.

A few tips it might help you:
Armir: Instead of mystic disease, Armir family might have perished in a rockslide ('Rock falls, everybody dies.') And Bibi might have healed some deadly injured. He could even have asked her to don't heal the eyes so it would be a memento of his loss.

Kazu: Not much to say, maybe he was punished because he wanted to 'explore beyond the forest' and said that alound. That would fit in why he only went on 'adventure' after meeting Lar.

Knud: I think, he could get a freaking good vision whenever he is enraged. So anyone would be afraid to death of pissing him off. Tales of a blind orc who strikes true when berserk would spread far in the land.

Bibi: Instead of being useless, she might feel useless. Maybe she sees 'healing' as something unworthy and is getting in terms of accepting this magnificent gift as the gift it is.

Shiva: It might be their custom of letting their offspring fooling around, specially the favorites. Given the true nature of cats of not be restrained, it fits.

Wyneth: Maybe Lar would rather keep her closed to try to change her into better.

Dolri: Now, the teleport problem. Just limit it. Teleport to places where he can clearly see, have a straight (uninterrupted) path to it. Make him get tired as if he had just run between place A and B.

This is some ideas that might help you as well as not, as you might have your own answers. But couldn't resist the 'creative' urge in writing down what I thought about it.
And as far as the groups goes, it is really diverse with plenty of space to 'conflicts', comic or otherwise.

At last: write us something about Lar.

 

[Dr.Dorkness]

First of all, Gurkhal and Asura Levi thank you for the great replies. You've given me a lot to think about. Which is good. I will answer some of the questions asked. Since they are obvious to me, but not to you because I have that all in my head.

Armir - The disease that claimed his family and clan is the beginning of his troubles. He is grateful to Bibi for saving his life. But he also resents her for it. When Bibi found him he was the last one of his clan still alive. Bibi wandered the halls in search of food and she found Armir. After that his drinking began. He could not focus on the job because of the drinking. which is why he lost his eye. The dwarves tried to get him of the drink, but he was addicted by now. because of withdrawal symptoms he killed an other dwarf for alcohol. The murder was why he was exiled. they did not kill him because he did it because of withdrawal symptoms.

Kazu - His father was, as I said, a cruel man. Kazu spoke up to him once, as a child and his father cut out his tongue. As you know trolls can regenerate. But the tongue can't. most of the organs like the lungs, heart and kidneys also can't. depending on the damage. He didn't go and venture out by himself because he is afraid of his father. He told Kazu never to go out of the jungle.

Knud - Knud is very near sighted. as u posed to practically blind. The "getting back his sight while raging" idea is pretty cool. It could be explained by the biology of the orcs and somthing to do with adrenaline.

Bibi - She is described as "useless" because she is a munchkin. Munchkin are cowards, live in the trash, don't speak well, are not very intelligent. the only thing they have going for them is that they are very resilient. They are even immune to magic.

Dolri - Dolri can indeed only teleport within sight. he can only teleport himself and non living things, like his clothes and rocks and so forth.

The rest I still have to think about...
As for Lar, here he is.

Lar - Lar is the MC in my story. He is a boy who lives in a human village and is the son of a inn keeper. Or so he thinks. a stranger comes to the inn and reveals not only that he is the heir to the throne of Ferandan, a far away and magical land, but also that his father and his fathers friends are from that place and seem to be famous there. On top of that, the queen is dieing. But some do not support him as the heir. There are others that are suitable to rule. The council of rulers decrees that there is a tournament to be held. So Lar has to gather the support of all the ruling races. So his quest begins to become king, something he does not even want. But he sees it as his duty to his mother and father. (As you can see Lar is a very conflicted character.)

the idea behind the story is to gather a group of misfits and have them overcome the obstacles that appear before them.