Feedback on Creation Myth

[nightbug08]

So this is the Ur-Creation myth for my Pet world Aginta. The first one and, unbeknowest to the general populace, the True one.

In the First, there were the Eggs and nothing more. And in one Egg was all that might be Creation, and in the Other Egg was all that might be ~~*~~ ; which was it's equal and opposite. In the Second the Eggs grew and pressed against each other, cracking their shells so that the raw stuff of Creation and ~~*~~ leaked into the Space-To-Be. And from the raw worldstuff of Creation arose forms of shining Beauty and Strangeness, and from the raw worldstuff of ~~*~~ arose forms of Eldritch Strangeness and Beauty. Thus were the Goa and the Dassa created and they were First.

Neither Goa nor Dassa recognized the other, so alien were they to each other; but both were filled with the primal urge to exult in their existence, and so they began to create.



. . . and that is about where it peters out guys. Basically Goa and Dassa are like matter and antimatter, so when the universes they are making (which is what they are doing, spinning universes out of raw who-knows-what, probably souls or something) touch or overlap they sort of disappear into each other, creating a no-man's land between the two universes. Obviously they are all rather displeased with this and blame the other guys which they are beginning to perceive as their own Satan/Cthulhu figure.

Clearly they go to war over this. Thus we have a war in heaven just like all good creation myths need *snerk*. in any case they each create their own races, which is where the 'little people' come in. Humans, elves, demons and whatnot were all created as indirect combatants for this war since Goa and Dassa can't touch without dissolving. Eventually the Goa and Dassa realize that they are running out of World stuff or something and truce is called.

They agree to wall off the universes from each other, each taking one half of the space-to-be and turning into a proper universe in their own style. We then follow the Goa and them making the world and that sort of thing. from there it get's fractured, each group of people has their own version of events focusing on them. But basically there are/were 4 or 5 proper Goa left after the War and each of them heads off with their favorites and becomes the head of their Pantheon, forming lesser gods around themselves.

So uhm, thoughts on how to work out the rest of it into a properly Myth sounding story? I suppose I'll need to give the Goa names at some point, But I do want to keep them as a whole In a stunning Titanic air.

 

[Trick]

First, a note: please clarify your meaning of "creation myth." If your speak speculatively of fantasy backstories, I'm with you. Otherwise, some folks believe creation is not a myth. Just a reminder.

Second: Great start! Your ditheism is a wonderful jumping off point. Try studying ditheistic cultures for inspiration. Japanese creation stories, for one example, are filled with detail and may help you reach your next point.

And lastly: Starting with the word egg may be counter intuitive. An egg implies a chicken (or other egg-laying creature) and I 'think' your going for a 'nothing before this' effect. Try alternatives if you feel it appropriate. I like where you're going and would like to see where you take this. Also, I have some knowledge of creation stories and would love some more specific questions.

 

[nightbug08]

The very first line says that it is the myth for my fantasy world so I'm not sure where that would be confused with the real world, but sorry if it was.

Second- It's not exactly ditheistic, the Goa and Dassa are each others Figures of Evil and destruction, like Satan is to God in Christian stories. They also have something of a cease fire/peace treaty so they are excluded from the others domains entirely, the only way for a Goa and Dassa to meet would be either in the no-mans-land or through intermediaries. They are at this point Entirely separate pantheons.

Thirdly I felt the Eggs were a good bet since they are pretty common in our old creation myths, the World Egg is seen all over the place. And in actual Cosmology of the setting the Eggs are really the combined souls/knowledge/experience Of All that are to be. There is a vague Idea that the Not-spaces outside the shells aren't as unoccupied as we'd like to think. Perhaps there is some even greater evil or incomprehensible Eldritch thing waiting in the wings. Not sure about that part yet.

I suppose what I really need help with is the individual Goa and their pantheons, I can build back from there. So the 4-5 Goa that survived all take their favorite races and scatter over the world to do their own thing; except One who stays to guard the rift between worlds which is now covered in Mountains. There are 2 that have gone to the other side of the world and don't have much impact on the immediate story; perhaps we'll get to discover their cultures later as part of the gathering of support for, Something.

In any case we have three Goa on the continent; the Top god for humans, the Top god for Elves, and the god of the mountainswho has no people but accepts all who would fight in his cause. Each Goa Is, in a very real way, a Concept or Idea. Not just a god OF Love or Justice, but a Goa, who IS Love or Justice. So for the humans I'm thinking their Goa is Change, the Goa of the Mountains is . . .hmm Endurance? or Vigilance maybe, something along those lines. the Two Goa that are on the other side of the world are probably Harmony and mmm something like Guile but less slimy. So who is left for the Elves?

These ones aren't super long lived, 200 years or so tops and they have their own society with farmers, milkmaids, fishermen , traders; pretty diverse. It's actually meant to be a touch Indian or Chinese, very traditional, with a long storied complicated history fo people not getting along and stabbing each other, but they've been united for about 600-800 years now. So, What kind of Ideal embodies a Society like that?


Sorry for wandering way off point there, what do you guys think of the wording of the actual story? Is it properly mythic to you?

 

[DavidJae]

You've written a good, professional introduction that grabs attention and works well. If you need more inspiration, check out the fal'cie from Final Fantasy XIII. They are similar to your concept and there are two factions that are at war. It might be useful to you.