Advice on drama and conflict

[Ulyssean]

Hello,

I have been a long time lurker, as the saying goes. I have created this account to ask any one of you intelligent ladies and gents (the ole' flattery approach) who have experience in writing or reading fantasy for a piece of advice.

Just under half of my first piece of fantasy fiction concerns the son of the protagonist and his take on the events that are unfolding. At the halfway point of his plot, his mother is attacked (defending him), struck on the head and reduced to what we would call a vegetative state (and what is known in the story as the waking-dream).

It is a no - or perhaps low - magic setting but the boy sets off after this to find the "magic" that will cure his Mother. Dissapointment after dissapointment leads to a climax - I feel - is effective and compliments the story of the other protagonist (the boy's Father) well.

The doubt I am having is this. It feels like the point of high-drama (His Mother near-killed by assassins before his eyes) is in the middle of the novel and that the chapters following betray the 'increasing conflict' rule. The boy is certainly going through his own inner-conflict as he tries to measure what he has just experienced. Also, as it becomes clear that there isn't really magic, his hopes of 'making everything right with a magic potion' start to fade, adding to his sorrow.

Again, I just cannot get over this high-point of drama being in the middle of the story. I have tried reimagining the story so that the Mother being struck is the inciting incident but that throws everything off whack. I have reintroduced the assassins that attacked his family as antagonists in the chapters following their initial attack to add another element of drama but I am just really stricken by doubts (60k words in too)

Should I rewrite this entire thing and if so, how?

Can the story work the way it is?

Any help you can offer will be greatly appreciated,

thank you.

 

[Devor]

Can the story work the way it is?

I'm feeling your doubts. You're writing a story that's all about inner emotion in a genre that's all about vivid imagery and escalating plot lines. If you were writing historical fiction I would say that the emotional conflict can be the point of high intensity for your story. But I have trouble saying that in the Fantasy genre.

And I'll add to it, Mom-is-sick, must-find-potion is a conflict which has been done before. I'm not sure the twist of failing to find such a potion will be enough to carry your story, even when coupled with strong writing and compelling characters. I say this, of course, having read nothing you've actually written.

My advice, if you like what you've written, is to "steal" portions of your work so far as a subplot for a new story. I've done that myself. Or you could consider actually converting your story into historical fiction - there are a number of real-world settings where such a story could be very compelling, and readers would be looking for a softer tenor. But based solely on the elements you've outlined I don't see quite enough to keep the story afloat. Don't get discouraged, though, we've all been there.

 

[Elder the Dwarf]

I think it could work, but it would really depend on how you do it and how well you do it. The easier thing, in my opinion, is to keep that plot, but make it the subplot. Make the dad's journey or whatever he is doing the main story and relegate the son to a more minor role. He can still be a main character and the subplot can be big, but it would be better taking a back seat, so to speak.

 

[Reaver]

Conflict is never easy

Have you read Joseph Campbell's "The Hero with a Thousand Faces" ? It's a great "guidebook" for all aspects of fiction writing, and it's helped me enormously, especially when it comes to the area of developing conflict for the protagonist. You should check it out...it's an incredibly easy read for a philosophy book. It basically breaks down the hero's archetype from Homer's Odysseus to Luke Skywalker.

 

[Ulyssean]

Thanks!

Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply. Your candour is appreciated.

@Devor - Thank you for your advice and encouragement. I am of the mentality that a paragraph written properly (and let's hope I got at least a few of those in my 60k) is another step towards the elusive mastery. It's funny you should mention historical fiction because one of earlier ideas on the setting was of Ireland, held fast in the dark ages, with the Normans coming to claim it.

@Elder - The story was originally a sub-plot of no more than 16,000 words. Then the cowardly little boy grew on me and I decided I wanted to put him up the creek and through the mill, so to speak. You have affirmed my suspicions, though and bring out the cleaver.

@Reaver - No, I have not read this book, but I am intrigued. Thank you for the recommendation. My reading future right now is The Blade Itself (Mid-way through and Inquisitor Glokta is a character that will stay with me until I die) All quiet on the Western Front and then a re-read of The Damnation Game by Clive Barker (16 years since last had the pleasure). Just found The Hero with a Thousand Faces on Amazon and ordered.

Just to be clear, I am not writing this story in order to be published, become famous, etc. The simple fact is that - for some reason - it is stuck in my head and I need to get it out. I don't think I could ever match the characertisation of Abercrombie or King nor the intrigues of GRRM. Regardless of my eventual ambitions for this story (low as they are) it is important to me that the finished product is as sturdy and attractive as I can possibly make it.

If it's worth doing at all, It's worth doing properly.

Again, thanks.