Advice on Upcoming Scene

[BWFoster78]

I just started the first draft of my second novel (or is it the third? I've already started another one, but I'm doing a chapter every other week with that one to bring to my writing group. This one will be published long before the other one).

It feels good to be writing again after working on editing for so long. Though both are work, there's a very different vibe to the editing process than with creating something from scratch. I must say, though, that it's quite daunting. These are new characters in a new world, and the thought of trying to fully flesh them out... Let's just say that it's a bit intimidating when I consider how much work my first novel was.

Anyway, to the actual purpose of the post:

I have a group of people hunkered down in a bunker while the bad guys attack outside. Anyone who sticks their head out will be instantly killed, so all the action for the scene is inside the bunker.

I'm looking for suggestions on how to drive the tension.

I could go with the following character goal/opposition sets:

1. desire to keep people safe opposed by resistance of unbelieving group
2. desire to be safe opposed by fear that the bunker isn't safe enough

Probably some combination of the two would be best.

Any other thoughts?

 

[Philip Overby]

Perhaps these could be options:

1. The bunker is collapsing around them.
2. Someone important is wounded/sick and needs to be gotten out of the bunker.
3. An enemy has been trapped in the bunker with them and they have to deal with keeping him/her under control while worrying about the forces outside as well.

That's all I got for now. Hope that helps some.

 

[BWFoster78]

Perhaps these could be options:

1. The bunker is collapsing around them.
2. Someone important is wounded/sick and needs to be gotten out of the bunker.
3. An enemy has been trapped in the bunker with them and they have to deal with keeping him/her under control while worrying about the forces outside as well.

That's all I got for now. Hope that helps some.

I like 2.

I'm not sure I can make either of the others work, though they're good suggestions. The enemy weapon kills people without impacting buildings, and they'd be no reason for any enemy agents to be on the ground.

Great input, though. Thanks!

 

[wordwalker]

I think you're right, it's a combination that works best.

What you're talking about is contrast between

• some hope of getting away,
• the hope that if they stay down some help is coming or the enemy may give up, and
• the fear that they'll be overwhelmed if they stay.

That first hope depends on there being only a couple of people who've made a run for it and died, so that choice isn't obviously off the table. Maybe the most important balance is between the second two, that they only have to wait a little longer vs. they can't wait much longer... though when you push either of those too hard, the scene stops stretching out.

And each time a sign of one or the other appears (or just by people's nerves wear thinner) people inside are going to say and maybe do different things about it. Someone might make a run for it, or urge people to form up and fight free, if only to cover others' escape. Someone will say they know who is or isn't coming to save them, or what the enemy wants-- which can lead to talk about surrendering, or "they only want your head, not ours." And any of those can get further stuck on who refuses to listen to who, every old grudge and rivalry in sight, or actual blame or suspicion of someone.

To make things worse, how dangerous is it just where they're sheltering? The biggest killer in World War I was artillery, because people didn't stick their heads up. Or, what if someone inside the crowd really is an enemy assassin.

 

[BWFoster78]

Wordwalker,

Some of that was extremely helpful!

My plan is to leave the group really in the dark, so to speak, about what's happening outside so that I can create tension/bravery for my MC to investigate after enough time has passed.

It's instant death for anyone to be exposed to the enemy.

I like your thoughts about the fears of being overwhelmed.

Great ideas! Thanks!

Brian

 

[Penpilot]

It's been mentioned above, but I'll articulate in a different way. To up the tension, add a ticking clock of some sort. X has to be done in Y time otherwise something bad happens. How long are these people in there for? Food and water would be a great motivator. Maybe a character is desperate to get out and find a loved one they think is outside.

Not knowing what's happening outside can create tension but so can letting them know exactly what's going on. If they see more and more friendly forces getting shredded that adds to the tension and fear too. If they know when the friendlies are gone the enemy is coming, and maybe they don't take prisoners or maybe they do and that could be worse than death, that would add lots of tension. Imagine the people in the bunker listening to a radio chatter as friendly forces go from order to chaos.

 

[BWFoster78]

It's been mentioned above, but I'll articulate in a different way. To up the tension, add a ticking clock of some sort. X has to be done in Y time otherwise something bad happens. How long are these people in there for? Food and water would be a great motivator. Maybe a character is desperate to get out and find a loved one they think is outside.

Not knowing what's happening outside can create tension but so can letting them know exactly what's going on. If they see more and more friendly forces getting shredded that adds to the tension and fear too. If they know when the friendlies are gone the enemy is coming, and maybe they don't take prisoners or maybe they do and that could be worse than death, that would add lots of tension. Imagine the people in the bunker listening to a radio chatter as friendly forces go from order to chaos.

I might be able to make the radio chatter work. Thanks for the suggestion.

From the advice above, I was thinking of adding a character with a heart condition that is negatively impacted by the stress of the situation, making seeking medical help a clock.

 

[Saigonnus]

I don't know if you mentioned bombardment in any of that. Don't forget to take into account that under extreme pressure, especially in a prolonged siege like situation that if the leader inside wasn't careful, he'd have people killing themselves to make it stop. People do strange things under pressure, if it plain to the people inside that running doesn't work, fighting doesn't work; the only things you have left is finding another egress for escape, waiting for the enemy to kill you, or doing it yourself.

 

[BWFoster78]

I don't know if you mentioned bombardment in any of that. Don't forget to take into account that under extreme pressure, especially in a prolonged siege like situation that if the leader inside wasn't careful, he'd have people killing themselves to make it stop. People do strange things under pressure, if it plain to the people inside that running doesn't work, fighting doesn't work; the only things you have left is finding another egress for escape, waiting for the enemy to kill you, or doing it yourself.

No actual bombardment. The killing energy does not impact buildings.

Thanks for the response, though.

Brian

 

[Sheriff Woody]

Add a "ticking clock".

'If we don't do _______ before _________, then __________ will happen!'

 

[Subcreator]

Here are a few questions for you to consider:

1) What tension is there between characters? Personal drama, dislike, distrust, or injury.
2) How long are they down there? Hunger can be a real motivator.
3) Another major killer in the trenches was disease. I'll just leave that with you to think about.
4) Why would anyone want to leave if they are safer there?
5) Also, is this a military regiment with a strict hierarchy, or is it more loosely based on the power of might and persuasion?