• Welcome to the Fantasy Writing Forums. Register Now to join us!

Am I doing my Berserker/Dark Knight Style Mages Justice with these Spells?

I feel uncomfortable with my "spell list" as is. Not enough powers, and I worry that the stuff I do have isn't balanced properly. This one is called Furycraft, a subset of Magic based in Negative Energy(or Yinforce) that focuses on channeling said power through the body. My equivalent of the "Dark Knight" are called Fury Knights and there's a bit of lore around them that just does not fit into the character limit.

A few terms of my Magic System I would like to get out of the way before I have y'all review and hopefully add onto my spell list for Furycraft. Grades are a system of categories that exist to indicate power level and skill level. A second form of categorization is "type". Even in-universe Types are informal and exist to denote in simple terms what a Spell does. If you have any questions please just ask!

The goal of this is to make more Furycraft Spells and balance the ones I already have! I look forward to your opinions!

The following is copy-pasted from my notes:
Magic Armor in Berserk. Type: Magic Armor Variant. Grade: Weak. Function: This spell is a variant of Magic Armor tailored to fit practitioners of Furycraft. Rather than a set buff based on the purity of Mana, Magic Armor in Berserk raises the user’s power level by passively funneling Yinforce throughout the User's Body. The multiplier increases exponentially relative to how angry the Caster is. Side effects include potential Demonification, potential (temporary) loss of sanity, potential (temporary) loss of empathy, and future inclination toward aggressive outbursts. These side effects are mostly Soul-based and can be treated with appropriate medication on most worlds that are familiar with Furycraft. The side effects are only really incurred when the body becomes overloaded with Yinforce, IE: when the multiplier rises too high. Overuse of Magic Armor in Berserk may lead to Demonification, as Yinforce floods the body and Soul. Soul Destruction may also occur if this Spell is used recklessly. This Spell looks very risky on paper, but mastery of Magic Armor in Berserk is the second step(the first being Magic Armor: Basic Flow) to mastering even more powerful Enhancement Spells.

Summon Familiar: Imp. Type: Summon. Grade: Weak. Function: Caster manifests another person’s Yinself as an Imp Demon, this spell cannot be cast upon oneself otherwise the results will be extremely destructive. This Imp is bound as a Familiar by its True Name to the person it Spawned from. See below for universal rules on Familiars. A feature unique to Imp Familiars is that they share a Soul Link of Yinforce, the Imp and their owner are empowered by each other’s Yinforce. A risk of this is that the Imp might gather too much Yinforce from its owner and break free via Divine Spirit Ascension. Even if this should happen, the Demon can still be bound by its True Name as all Divine Spirits are.

Berserk Flare. Type: Apocalypse. Grade: Strongest. Function: The user projects a massive, omnidirectional pulse of either Mana or Yinforce. It takes up a ridiculous amount of energy to pull off, but very little concentration. More energy means a bigger boom.

Brawler Manifest. Type: Enhancement. Grade: Weak. Function: Caster coats one of their arms in solidified Yinforce. The legs are also an acceptable target, but few have successfully capitalized on this and both legs were affected on almost all occasions. The power of the affected limb has increased immensely. The more control a person has over their Yinforce, the more powerful and efficient this Spell becomes. In general, Brawler Manifest can have anywhere between 5-15X multipliers to the affected limb, and with high Finesse one can reach multipliers of 30X easily with one arm. With the legs the power is divided, the same goes if Brawler Manifest is cast on both arms. Brawler Manifest cannot be cast on the head for use in headbutts nor can it be cast on artificial weapons. A member of the beastfolk could cast Brawler Manifest on their claws or talons, but not on their tails or wings. Beaks are situational. To sum it up, Brawler Manifest can only be cast on natural weapons. If a Dragon can use its tail as a weapon, Brawler Manifest can be cast on it. A Kitsune however cannot use its tail as a weapon meaning it would not be able to cast Brawler Manifest on its tails. A Kitsune's tail is not a natural weapon in the same way a Dragon's tail is. Brawler Manifest does not enhance Racial Abilities or projectile attacks. It typically works best on bludgeoning weapons.

Brawler Manifest: Neonblack. Type: Spell Variant. Grade: Stronger. Function: As Brawler Manifest, but cast over the entire body which creates a demonic suit of armor. The appearance of the armor is unique to the Caster, decided by the Caster's imagination and is an expression of their idea of a warrior and their ideas about warfare and fighting. The only consistency is that the armor is black in color, with neon highlights in a color of the Caster's choice(typically this color is the color that the character is associated with symbolically or is what is used for their Magic Armor). Neonblack is more powerful than it's parent spell, it reaches high multipliers easier with a base of X25 that can easily be raised by a competent Furycrafter, and the full body enhancement lacks the primary weakness of Brawler Manifest, the things the parent spell could and could not target. Brawler Manifest: Neonblack is simple, effective, and intimidating. It is a mark of passage for Furycrafters and a standard spell once learned. Its only weakness is time. Because of its immense power and how the Yinforce has to be distributed and kept in equilibrium, Brawler Manifest: Neonblack has a short duration. Unmastered, it's about a minute. Newly mastered, about five or ten minutes. As practicing the spell and training in Finesse increases, the duration of this spell will naturally increase over time. The problem is when the spell dramatically breaks at a crucial moment, when the Mage is putting all the focus on keeping Neonblack together in one piece that they lose sight of the fight. This has been the death and near-death of many Furycrafters. In the hands of a reckless Mage, this spell is tantamount to suicide.

Impact Sphere. Type: Apocalypse. Grade: Moderate. Function; Caster punches the ground while funneling Mana through their fist. The energy amplifies the shock wave, creating an explosive spheroid pulse charged with Yinforce.

Raven's Slash. Restriction: Blader Form Only. Type: Enhancement. Grade: Moderate. Function: Caster coats the edge of their weapon with a massive pillar of Mana or Yinforce. The user then slashes at the target, pouring all of their power into a single strike. Typically this is done with slashing weapons such as swords, hence the name. The enormous sleek black energy blade was said to resemble a raven’s feather, and so the name stuck. Repeated strikes with Raven’s Slash are nicknamed “Raven’s Feather Strike” and are numbered according to the amount of strikes.

Dreadblades. Type: Construct. Grade: Moderate. Function: Caster conjures an array of black swords connected to their Soul and crafted from their Yinforce. These swords move telekinetically, and are operated by the Caster's negative emotions, primarily hatred and anger. The swords will focus on the target of the Caster's ire and no one else until they are dismissed or physically broken. However, the Dreadblades act on the Caster's Id, not surface emotion. Even if the Caster has forgiven someone or is trying to forgive someone on their higher consciousness, if their Id refuses them the Dreadblades will target that person. Also, the Dreadblades will do their best to fulfill the wishes of the Id, such as killing random strangers to fulfill murderous impulses, cornering certain individuals with the intent to rape, or other such heinous things. It takes great Magical Control to rein in the Dreadblades and prevent such occurrences. Finally, more energy expended means more swords to use or making the swords bigger. If even a single Dreadblade is broken it causes an extremely small bit of damage to the Caster's Soul. With enough Finesse, the Caster can consolidate the Dreadblades into a single massive sword known as “Dreadblade: Slayer Mode” named after the Slayer Form of fighting.

Arc of Malice. Type: Emission. Grade: Least. Function: Caster gathers Yinforce into a pinpoint, such as the fingertips, and then releases it like a laser. The laser becomes thicker and/or longer the more energy is expended. Unlike most other projectile spells, Arc of Malice is curved which gives the spell a tactical edge. Unfortunately, its range is limited to its length as it tends to travel a short distance once released.

Fissure Bellows. Type: Emission. Grade: Weak. Function: Caster drives their weapon into the ground and channels magical energy through the crack, creating a pillar of destructive power. The size and substance of the pillar are up to the Caster. More energy expended widens the crack which means a wider pillar. Some Casters are capable of casting this spell using their body as a focus rather than a weapon, but it's generally not recommended.

Black Bullet: Type: Emission. Grade: Weaker. Function: Caster gathers Yinforce around their hand, typically either an open palm or a single point such as the tip of a finger. While gathering Yinforce this way, the Caster must concentrate and generally can't do much else. When the ball of Yinforce is of sufficient size and density, the Caster fires at the target. The shot will not home in on the target, instead going in the direction it was aimed in. Repeated fire is an option with a single Invocation, so long as another Spell isn't cast during the sequence. With high Finesse and training in this specific spell, a Caster can perform a "spread shot" where three or more small Black Bullets are arranged in a line and fired at once.
 
There's a lot I had to cut because of the Character Limit. Here are the Martial Arts Techniques I've come up with for Furycraft thus far:
Furycraft Martial Arts:

Berserk Dance: Not actual dance battling, but rather a select series of advanced secret moves designed to tear through armies. They require much skill, focus, and dedication to Furycraft which is the real reason behind the “Dance” moniker.

Berserk Dance No.15: Twin Fangs, Heaven Devouring. Function: The User issues a 40-hit dual-wielding combo in less than a minute. An homage to Starburst Stream from SAO. There are three variations of TFHD: The ARMY, The GIANT, and The CROSS. The ARMY and The GIANT can only be used with greatswords or weapons of similar size. Twin Fangs, Heaven Devouring The ARMY has fewer hits but a wider range. Meant to cut through shield walls like butter. Twin Fangs, Heaven Devouring The GIANT is meant to deal with Dire Animals, Elementals, Dragons, and other such titanic opponents by magically enhancing the swords to penetrate such a creature's natural armor. Can potentially instant-kill someone of normal size but is awkward in such a situation, to the point of drastically decreasing accuracy. Twin Fangs, Heaven Devouring The CROSS can only be used when in a state of Soul Harmonics and as such is the most unreliable. The damage is incredible, 120 hits in total, evenly divided between two users.

Berserk Dance No.26: Slip Crescent. Function: User runs straight at their enemy, holding their weapon at their side, and swings it up in an arc while slipping through the folds of reality. Perfect for fights taking place within a chase or with a focus on speed.

The Secret Demon Arts: A series of techniques passed down by Demon Furycrafters meant only for Demons. The usage of these arts are restricted not only because of the danger but also because of tradition and the need for secrecy.

Secret Demon Art: Claws of the Violet Lynx Monk. Class: Page. Function: Caster emits sharp and thin candy-violet colored blades out of their palms. These blades resemble the claws of cats and are made of concentrated Yinforce. The spell was invented by an order of Demon-worshiping monks who lived in the mountains, practiced an open palm version of Furycraft, and used the Lynx as their totem animal. The monks were known as the Monastery of the Violet Lynx. The Violet Lynx is thought to be a female Devil of minor import who fawned on her worshippers but did not actively work to recruit more cultists or enforce regulations.
 

Rexenm

Inkling
I’m going to bury myself into this as much as I can. To my understanding, Yinforce is a human attribute, and Furycraft has something to do with familiars, whilst Mana is a Demon spell. The fact that one can Summon, Armor and Weaponry, means that their Form is Vaporous. The cost of the Furrycraft, seems to be based on how Berserk they are. To fully understand the context, I would have to know what Mutation is, but to say that it doesn’t exist wouldn’t be neighbourly.

So my Evaluation, is that Demons are possessing the Mana, and the Imps are twins with the Demons, but that has been covered up by the Berserk, causing one of the Familiars to be Evil.

If I would make a suggestion, it would be that the Evil form of the Imps and Demons, would be vaporous with each other, and that the Armor and Weaponry would act more like Simulacra.

All in All, the story has potential.
 
I’m going to bury myself into this as much as I can. To my understanding, Yinforce is a human attribute, and Furycraft has something to do with familiars, whilst Mana is a Demon spell. The fact that one can Summon, Armor and Weaponry, means that their Form is Vaporous. The cost of the Furrycraft, seems to be based on how Berserk they are. To fully understand the context, I would have to know what Mutation is, but to say that it doesn’t exist wouldn’t be neighbourly.

So my Evaluation, is that Demons are possessing the Mana, and the Imps are twins with the Demons, but that has been covered up by the Berserk, causing one of the Familiars to be Evil.

If I would make a suggestion, it would be that the Evil form of the Imps and Demons, would be vaporous with each other, and that the Armor and Weaponry would act more like Simulacra.

All in All, the story has potential.
Some corrections: Mana is liquid Life Energy, spread throughout the Multiverse via the Leyline Network. Mana is not Demonic, Yinforce is. Demons are defined as "Yin-aspected Divine Spirits" in my verse. Mana and Yinforce are both "Imaginary Energies" which power Supernatural Phenomena such as Magic. I apologize for the confusion. Interesting that you associate Yinforce with humans because if people overdose on Yinforce they can become Demons. Also, Imps are a type of demon, being of the lowest Rank. That's why they can Ascend to a higher stage by consuming Yinforce from their masters and sever the contract. Again, my apologies for the confusion
 

Rexenm

Inkling
It’s like the difference between Imps and Demons is dependent on Mana, but any other integer is based on Yinforce. So if they grow, they can be sure to Ascend to a different Rank. is this extrapolated in the verse?
 

ThinkerX

Myth Weaver
To me. it looks like you are putting spells before story. What role does this characrer play in the story? Does this character need magic at all to play that role?
 

Rexenm

Inkling
To me. it looks like you are putting spells before story. What role does this characrer play in the story? Does this character need magic at all to play that role?
To me it looks like kill kill. Line of site, down the cross hair.
 
To me it looks like kill kill. Line of site, down the cross hair.
My entire Magic System is inspired by the Shonen Anime and Manga that I consume, and I reference those series frequently as an homage to my "teachers". The reason everything is so combat focused isn't because I'm going for a Warhammer style "everything is trying to kill you" type of setting but rather a setting that allows for Shonen-style narratives.
 
To me. it looks like you are putting spells before story. What role does this characrer play in the story? Does this character need magic at all to play that role?
In my settings, unless the Planet itself has "locked" it's wellsprings of Magic away or the Magic has died, everyone is a Mage of some kind. Most people are very weak Mages who know enough Spells to get by. The protagonists and antagonists of the story are people with a specific set of circumstances that causes them to be a cut above most other Mages. The main characters are people who have been hardened by adversity, and because this a Shonen-style narrative, they will continue to go through adversity as they move toward a singular goal. Usually this goal is some form of enlightenment, whether the characters realize it or not.
 

pmmg

Myth Weaver
Been trying to make sense of this, and I have come to a question.

It would seem to me that the discipline to focus and channel energies and spells would be counter the to effects of rage, fury, and berserk frenzy, which are by themselves emotional states that lack control.

If one is casting spell in such a state, I would expect it to be more raw energy, easily tapped, and less directed to precise forms. I would expect crude displays of power, and less caring about what gets broken in the use of it. And I would expect that its side effects would include guilt and loss over unintentional destruction from such a state.

I'd not expect one who is berserk to care much about a familiar, and probably, a familiar would be a casualty of their loss of control.

Does that not make sense?


Anyway...I am kind with some above. This is window dressing, what is the story? Cause story should dictate what is and is not needed.
 
Last edited:
Been trying to make sense of this, and I have come to a question.

It would seem to me that the discipline to focus and channel energies and spells would be counter the to affects of rage, fury, and berserk frenzy, which are by themselves emotional states that lack control.

If one is casting spell in such a state, I would expect it to be more raw energy, easily tapped, and less directed to precise forms. I would expect crude displays of power, and less caring about what gets broken in the use of it. And I would expect that its side effects would include guilt and loss over unintentional destruction from such a state.

I'd not expect one who is berserk to care much about a familiar, and probably, a familiar would be a casualty of their loss of control.

Does that not make sense?


Anyway...I am kind with some above. This is window dressing, what is the story? Cause story should dictate what is and is not needed.
Ok here's the kind of thing I was hoping for! I can erase the Imp Summon out the spell list or maybe move it somewhere else. Characters do in fact feel not only guilt and loss because of the stuff they break while in Berserk but also a degree of trauma depending on what they break. A Fury Knight knows they are endangering everyone around them when they use their Enhancements and train to contain their anger so that said anger becomes purely a tool for combat and nothing else. I love what you're saying about raw energy, and I kind of do that with Impact Sphere and similar spells. Dreadblades, Black Bullet, and those type of spells exist to give Fury Knights additional weapon options. Also, Furycrafters need options for when they're not Berserk, hence the more concrete spells. Also, a feature of my Magic System is a thing called "Magic Weight" which is part of a mechanic called Grade Capacity. Magic Weight is basically the weight of Magic being pressed onto a Mage's body and Soul, causing them to be less and less able to cast Spells as more weight is applied. This is why Mages mix their spells with martial arts, it's something to fall back on. Essentially, early on in the fight you'll see Mages apply their buffs and sling their Spells, after a while Magic Weight will start to get overbearing and things will devolve into DBZ fighting. At the very end of no one's dead the two Mages will just start beating the crap out of each other with their bare hands while also trying not to have a super power meltdown. That's how most Mage Duels in my setting go.
 

pmmg

Myth Weaver
Just a suggestion, cause I will probably suck of coming up with spells and all their rules, but there are a lot of RPG books and aids out there. Maybe look through some Dungeons and Dragon's spell lists and see what you think could be shaped into this.

When I think rage, I think something like Bane from Batman. All hulked up and superstrong.
 

ThinkerX

Myth Weaver
Classic berserkers go into frenzies that grants them increased strength and stamina, while ignoring pain. Magical abilities patterned off those would seem more appropriate than actual spellcasting. The other thing some (Norse) berserkers were noted for was changing into wolf or bear form. That would be another plausible ability. The rest...not so much.
 

Queshire

Auror
Ah, gotta love a good Shonen style magic system. I've spent, well honestly too long working on my own.

So I see four basic properties of furyctafting spells.

1) Augmenting the self
2) Emission of force.

I would expect these two to be the easiest as, pmmg said, they amount to lashing out with the self or pure yin force.

3) Conjuring stuff using yinforce

Swords, armor, imps, etc. I can see something along the lines of learning how to focus their killing intent or something serving as the gateway to this.

4) Carrying negative emotions

You have the living swords there, but if you change the summon imp so that it embodies a shade of the caster's rage rather than using someone else's then I think it'd still fit.

There's a lot of fun stuff that you can come up with by combining these four principles. I can see stuff like creating shadow hands out of the caster's grief in order to bind an opponent or mixing augmentation and emission for an even more powerful blow.
 
Ah, gotta love a good Shonen style magic system. I've spent, well honestly too long working on my own.

So I see four basic properties of furyctafting spells.

1) Augmenting the self
2) Emission of force.

I would expect these two to be the easiest as, pmmg said, they amount to lashing out with the self or pure yin force.

3) Conjuring stuff using yinforce

Swords, armor, imps, etc. I can see something along the lines of learning how to focus their killing intent or something serving as the gateway to this.

4) Carrying negative emotions

You have the living swords there, but if you change the summon imp so that it embodies a shade of the caster's rage rather than using someone else's then I think it'd still fit.

There's a lot of fun stuff that you can come up with by combining these four principles. I can see stuff like creating shadow hands out of the caster's grief in order to bind an opponent or mixing augmentation and emission for an even more powerful blow.
Thanks! I'll keep those properties in mind. Tomorrow I'll rewrite my personal guide for Furycraft with your(and everyone else's) suggestions! There's some lore stuff I need to rewrite and new shiz I wanna try out
 
Top