Basic History of my world.

[Phietadix]

Shortly after Adonai (Whose Full Title is Lord Adonai the God Most High) creates the world, he gives twelve humans the ability to use magic, and to give others the ability. Each of them can use and give their own 'Order' of magic, given to them based on their own interests and personailtys. After a time they grow jealous of Adonai's power, they decide to kill him hoping at his death they will become as powerful as he was. So they come up with a plan to kill Adonai in his sleep. As they were about to slit his throat (He appears mostly in human form) he awakes, he takes his staff and bangs it hard into the ground, soon an earthquake begins and a volcano begins to form were they stand, the earthquake spilts the Pangaea into four continents, with the newly formed valcano at the center, the Twelve kill Adonai and then the valcano erupts. The catastrophe ends up killing most of the life on the planet, and everyone on the world hears the words, "Behold and Beware the Mount of Adonai's Might. Behold for Adonai is gone, but Beware for he will return.

Any feedback would be apreciated. Also sorry for any spelling or grammer mistakes.

 

[Xaysai]

Shortly after Adonai (Whose Full Title is Lord Adonai the God Most High) creates the world, he gives twelve humans the ability to use magic, and to give others the ability. Each of them can use and give their own 'Order' of magic, given to them based on their own interests and personailtys. After a time they grow jealous of Adonai's power, they decide to kill him hoping at his death they will become as powerful as he was.

I was with you up until here, but what makes them "hope" that all 12 of them would become as powerful as the guy who granted each of them their power? Is it some kind of prophecy? Did someone trick them into believing it?

So they come up with a plan to kill Adonai in his sleep.

So this guy is powerful enough to wreck the world with a bang of his staff, and he is going to get caught napping? Maybe there is some type of magical item they need to find in order to weaken him to kill him?

As they were about to slit his throat (He appears mostly in human form) he awakes, he takes his staff and bangs it hard into the ground, soon an earthquake begins and a volcano begins to form were they stand, the earthquake spilts the Pangaea into four continents, with the newly formed valcano at the center, the Twelve kill Adonai and then the valcano erupts. The catastrophe ends up killing most of the life on the planet, and everyone on the world hears the words, "Behold and Beware the Mount of Adonai's Might. Behold for Adonai is gone, but Beware for he will return.

Any feedback would be apreciated. Also sorry for any spelling or grammer mistakes.

Other than those key issues, I am with you.

 

[Phietadix]

Hmm, as to your first issue I was considering making Adonai hold them back in some way. Make them have limits in what they can do with their Magic. As to the second, I decide Adonai Let them kill him, as later on it's shown he never really died. He simply disappeared and saw how history would play out for the next few thousand years.

Also, there is many Prohecies about his return, I haven't decided whether they would be written before, or after his death, there could also be Prohecies about them gaining his power when he dies. But while they do become more Powerful after his death, they never become as powerful as he was.

 

[Xaysai]

Hmm, as to your first issue I was considering making Adonai hold them back in some way. Make them have limits in what they can do with their Magic. As to the second, I decide Adonai Let them kill him, as later on it's shown he never really died. He simply disappeared and saw how history would play out for the next few thousand years.

Also, there is many Prohecies about his return, I haven't decided whether they would be written before, or after his death, there could also be Prohecies about them gaining his power when he dies. But while they do become more Powerful after his death, they never become as powerful as he was.

The other question I have is, do all twelve of them turn on him? Surely some of them think "hey, Adonai has been good to us by giving us these great powers, let's cut him some slack"? And why did he give all this power to people who might have the propensity for turning into crazy, power-hungry murderers? Is something exercising some kind of influence over them?

As for the second point, perhaps when you write the scene of them killing him you should show that he hesitates or somehow hint that he let them kill him. I only say this because I would have a really hard time accepting people just crept on a guy this powerful and ganked him. Plus his return will feel a little lame later on.

 

[Phietadix]

All of them do turn on him. Chances are anyone would end up turning into crazy, Power-hungry monsters, Ever heard the saying,
"Absolute Power courpts absolutly"? Nothing is excercising influence over them but power and greed.

The Scene of them killing him won't be written for a while, this is simply backstory in my first book.

 

[Rullenzar]

I'm with the other guy on this. I find it silly that someone so powerful would be taken in sleep. In my opinion I would do something a little different.

They sneak up on him in his sleep and when they try to off him their naive sentiments are answered with a face full of shockwave blast or something. Adonai rises and speaks to them. " So you seek to kill the hand that feeds you. Think on this wisely for you will suffer under the wrong choice. You think my death will get you what you want? You will see wrath like no other." Then he un-arms himself after hitting his staff on the world. The 12 feel the world tremble and make their choice each dealing a blow until the last of the 12 finishes him off. Adonai laughs as he dies and says whatever " You will feel my wrath blah blah, i will be back. wrong choice dummies."

Then yadi yadi.

 

[Phietadix]

I'm thinking of having Adonai let them make their own choices and then deal with the consequences. He lets them kill him and rule the world for a while, if any of them change their ways, then maybe he will spare them at his return.

I think that the resaon they 'hope' they will gain his power when he's killed would be because of Prohecies. But any Prohecies would be written by Adonai himself so that could be a problem.

 

[Anders Ämting]

So, is this the mythology of your world or what literally happened historically?

Because it sounds a lot like a typical myth, or at least something that has been greatly simplified over time. And, frankly, I often wish more fantasy stories took a less literal approach to their own mythologies.

 

[Phietadix]

This is what literally happened.

 

[Zireael]

I agree with Anders, this sounds like a myth. Especially if you named the main hero Adonai, which is Hebrew for Lord.

 

[Shockley]

Just a few general questions, some in line with ones already asked:

Shortly after Adonai (Whose Full Title is Lord Adonai the God Most High) creates the world, he gives twelve humans the ability to use magic, and to give others the ability. Each of them can use and give their own 'Order' of magic, given to them based on their own interests and personailtys.

Why does he give them this power?

After a time they grow jealous of Adonai's power, they decide to kill him hoping at his death they will become as powerful as he was.

Seeing as how this is logically silly (If I kill this centipede, I will have a hundred legs!), what led them to believe this?

So they come up with a plan to kill Adonai in his sleep. As they were about to slit his throat (He appears mostly in human form)

Do they know his position as the creator? Because if so, I just feel like someone would step in at this point and say, 'Guys, this is a god. What are we doing?' Did he select the twelve for some reason other than intelligence/wisdom (because they are now showing any here)?

he awakes, he takes his staff and bangs it hard into the ground, soon an earthquake begins and a volcano begins to form were they stand, the earthquake spilts the Pangaea into four continents, with the newly formed valcano at the center, the Twelve kill Adonai and then the valcano erupts. The catastrophe ends up killing most of the life on the planet, and everyone on the world hears the words, "Behold and Beware the Mount of Adonai's Might. Behold for Adonai is gone, but Beware for he will return.

I just don't understand why they have to kill him. They can't kill him - as you have clarified - and he is incredibly powerful. It might be just as powerful (and a thousand times more sensible) just for him to book it in a volcanic eruption. Punish the crap out of them with that and stop showing up.

 

[Phietadix]

I've decided that the reason they believe they will gain his power at when he dies is that it is Prophesied. Hmm, it might work to have Adonai just disappear. The main reason I was avoiding this was the world was supposed to believe the twelve killed him, but there's no reason they couldn't just change the story themselves when telling others about it.

 

[Shockley]

I am also curious as to where all of these prophesies are coming from. If Adonai is hanging out making the world, who is making this prophecy and why should anyone believe said prophecies?

 

[Phietadix]

Adonai is writing them

 

[Shockley]

Not really prophecies then, are they?

"If you kill me, you get my power." is quite a bit different than prophecy.

 

[Phietadix]

Well if you read the Bible God has plenty of Prophecys about himself.

 

[Shockley]

Assuming that the prophecies actually come from a divine source, they're still being spouted by third parties.

 

[Phietadix]

Good point, But I don't see why I couldn't have someone write Prophecys that include them, It wouldn't be "If you kill me, you get my power." but you could have "The twelve killed me and great power was their's" or something of that sort.

 

[kilost]

Good point, But I don't see why I couldn't have someone write Prophecys that include them, It wouldn't be "If you kill me, you get my power." but you could have "The twelve killed me and great power was their's" or something of that sort.

But why would he spread that kind of information? Surely he'd realise that if he says the Twelve will get his power if they kill him, then they'll try and kill him? And he's a weirdass god if that idea doesn't bother him.

 

[Addison]

Alright so an all powerful master of magic bestows twelve people with a magic specific to their personality and the ability to pass the magic to others. They get power hungry and plan to kill him in his sleep. He wakes up, divides the land into four continents with his lair (or home) in the center in shape of a volcano. Adonai is dead and his death kills most of the life on the planet and the survivors hear a warning to keep away from the volcano and that one day he will return.

What happened to the twelve mages? And, just curious 'cause your idea sounds incredible, does Adonai come back as an all powerful God like Odin or is he reincarnated into a human being?