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Being more "Visceral"

Good news! A literary agent says she's interested in my story.

Not so good news! She can't accept it until I do some rewriting. Namely, she wants me to work on making the story more visceral. "The biggest area of revisions needed is in the abundance of telling. The sensory details should have me right there in the scene with Henry and Ethan through their journey. Ramp it up and make it visceral. Something that puts me right in the middle of each scene with the characters."

Any advice you guys could give me? My book is a YA urban fantasy told in first person that (I hope) strikes an equal balance between silly and seriousness.
 
Without being in the head of the agent and not knowing your writing... it sounds like the classic show don’t tell, which I prefer to call painting a picture in the reader’s head. What this usually boils down to is “vague” writing. The word visceral, to me, would suggest digging into painting the emotional picture and not just the scenery. Donald Maass (an agent/writer) has a book out on emotion which is interesting, might be helpful, might not be.

But, that’s all reading tea leaves without details.
 
If you PM a piece it might help... but at the same time, always be leery of rewriting for agents or pubs. But at the same time, always listen to everybody and explore what they say before you ignore them ;)
 
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