Can I get a second opinion or thoughts?

[GroundZxero]

Small portion of my world building, wouldn't mind a second opinion

Timeline of World Events

Ancient Era
- Creation of Eden: The world of Eden is created, governed by the divine force known as God, an omnipotent yet immobile obelisk of stone and minerals.
- A multiversal being (Outer God) creates humans in its likeness
- Fall of God: Lucifer's rebellion causes God to fall from Heaven to Eden, resulting in a massive crater and storm. Dragons Koran, Nagi, Luna, Api Biru, and Gnosis absorb portions of God's power, transforming them into God Dragons.
- Shaping of Eden: The God Dragons influence the development of Eden. Koran fosters order and teaches humans, Nagi creates Beastmen and hybrid creatures, Luna forms the Twilights, Api Biru blesses humans with Chi, and Gnosis hoards knowledge.

Early Human Civilization
- Formation of Early Societies: Humans begin forming societies influenced by the God Dragons' actions.
- Creation of Psychic Gems: Over centuries, minerals with psychic properties, such as rubies and emeralds, appear on Eden. Humans living near these gems develop psychic abilities.
- Rise of the Arcane Religion: The formation of the Arcane Religion, which reveres the Arcane power.

Arcana (magic)

Description:
Arcana, essentially the force of magic in the world of Eden, is an intrinsic and mystical energy that permeates the fabric of existence. Derived from the essence of a multiversal being, Arcana allows individuals to perform extraordinary feats that defy the natural laws of the physical world.

Origins:
- Multiversal Being: Arcana originates from a powerful being that sought to enter Eden but was restricted by a dimensional barrier. This being's essence gave rise to humanity, embedding a fragment of its vast power within them.
- Creation of Humanity: The first humans were created in the likeness of this being, with Arcana as their inherent mystical potential. This latent power could be accessed and harnessed by those with the aptitude and training.

The stories usually revolve around Eternal Dragons

• Origins and Purpose of Eternal Dragons

The Eternal Dragons were created to serve as humanity’s protectors and champions of balance, formed through a pact between Koran, the Sacred Dragon of Order, and seven human champions. This act was meant to counter the chaotic manipulations of Nagi, the Malevolent Dragon of Chaos. Through their bond with Koran, these chosen humans became the first Eternal Dragons, embodying various elemental forces such as fire, water, wind, earth, and more.

• Physical Manifestation and Awakening

Their powers manifest as an innate control over a specific element, which they can wield with unparalleled mastery with training. Each Eternal Dragon’s presence and strength are unmistakable, as their elemental control will allow them to shape their environment, defend against threats, and perform feats beyond the capability of regular humans or psychics.

• Abilities and Artifacts

Eternal Dragons are capable of astonishing feats, including:

Elemental Mastery: Total control over an element such as fire, water, earth, wind, lightning, and others. Their affinity goes beyond simple manipulation, as they can influence nature on a grand scale.

Dragon Rage: A heightened emotional state that exponentially boosts their power but risks loss of control, often leading to devastating consequences for both allies and foes.

Artifacts: Artifacts crafted by past Eternal Dragons carry their elemental essence and can grant immense power to wielders.

• Rebirth and Cycle of Unity

One of the defining aspects of Eternal Dragons is their cycle of rebirth. When the last Eternal Dragon passes, they are all reincarnated, ensuring that all Eternal Dragons emerge within the same generation. This reincarnation unites them toward their shared purpose.

The Eternal Dragons are scattered across Eden

 

[Fidel]

This world-building is seriously impressive it’s rich, layered, and feels like it has a ton of potential for storytelling. The idea of God Dragons shaping the world and the Eternal Dragons as protectors adds a cool mythological vibe. The Arcana system is intriguing too, especially with its ties to a multiversal being. My only thought? Maybe sprinkle in a few more human-scale conflicts or mysteries to balance out the epic scale. But overall, this is fantastic work, keep it up!

 

[GroundZxero]

This world-building is seriously impressive it’s rich, layered, and feels like it has a ton of potential for storytelling. The idea of God Dragons shaping the world and the Eternal Dragons as protectors adds a cool mythological vibe. The Arcana system is intriguing too, especially with its ties to a multiversal being. My only thought? Maybe sprinkle in a few more human-scale conflicts or mysteries to balance out the epic scale. But overall, this is fantastic work, keep it up!

Thanks! This is early civilization stuff. I have some more politics and stuff i'm working on, very much appreciate the feedback!

 

[pmmg]

So, when it starts off with Eden, and God and Lucifer, but God is loser in this, I gonna start asking questions. But I notice the Dragon is named Koran. I think you are flying a little close to the sun. For me, this better bring a lot to justify all this borrowing from our sacred beginnings and holy works, or its gonna get a lot of scrutiny.

(Just gonna say it straight, I am Christian, I am used to people questioning our stuff, but the Muslims will not likely like the use of Koran in this way. They don't seem as open about it. If the dragon was named Bible, I would find that offensive and have a lot more questions).

As a backdrop to a world that can ask a lot of big questions, I would be interested to see how it develops, story matters more than world building.

It does seem like it would lend itself to characters with immense power, and giant cataclysmic events between them. I can almost see the reverse of kill em all and let god sort it out. This could easily be more like, you sort it out, and tell me when it over.

 

[GroundZxero]

In my world, God is just a All powerful Obelisk of stone and minerals, lucifer essentially pushes "God" over and God falls from Heaven. (I am also Christian, 7th day adventist to be exact)

Koran isn't a play on Muslim culture, It's just the name i choose when I was 14 years old lol

i do have a couple of set stories with kingdoms, and empires ect. Just wanted to share the beginning portion of my world because I don't want to info dump lol

 

[GroundZxero]

So, when it starts off with Eden, and God and Lucifer, but God is loser in this, I gonna start asking questions. But I notice the Dragon is named Koran. I think you are flying a little close to the sun. For me, this better bring a lot to justify all this borrowing from our sacred beginnings and holy works, or its gonna get a lot of scrutiny.

(Just gonna say it straight, I am Christian, I am used to people questioning our stuff, but the Muslims will not likely like the use of Koran in this way. They don't seem as open about it. If the dragon was named Bible, I would find that offensive and have a lot more questions).

As a backdrop to a world that can ask a lot of big questions, I would be interested to see how it develops, story matters more than world building.

It does seem like it would lend itself to characters with immense power, and giant cataclysmic events between them. I can almost see the reverse of kill em all and let god sort it out. This could easily be more like, you sort it out, and tell me when it over.

In my world, God is just a All powerful Obelisk of stone and minerals, lucifer essentially pushes "God" over and God falls from Heaven. (I am also Christian, 7th day adventist to be exact)

Koran isn't a play on Muslim culture, It's just the name i choose when I was 14 years old lol

i do have a couple of set stories with kingdoms, and empires ect. Just wanted to share the beginning portion of my world because I don't want to info dump lol

 

[Avery Moore]

This is all some good, solid worldbuilding so far!

One thing I will say though, I find the presence of God, Eden and Lucifer in what I assume is a high fantasy setting a bit out of place. I'm guessing this story isn't set on Earth, so that fact that this other world has the same name for the God, the Devil and the world that God created seems like a weird coincidence.

I mean, God you can get away with. The word "God" can refer to any God, not just the Christian God. But the Garden of Eden and Lucifer are specific to the Christian religion, so the fact they they both show up in this other world seems a bit strange to me.

Now, I get if you want to add them for religious reasons, but you can use Christian stories and characters without giving them the exact same names. The Chronicles of Narnia, for example, had a lot of religious characters in it, but their names and appearances were changed in the world of Narnia. Jesus was Aslan and Lucifer was the White Witch, etc.

Also, I kind of get the impression that this religion isn't supposed to be based on the Christian religion, since there are a lot of really clear differences (God is a giant obelisk. Lucifer defeats God and God is cast from heaven, etc.) So, if it isn't based on the Christian religion, why use the Christian names for the places and characters?

 

[GroundZxero]

This is all some good, solid worldbuilding so far!

One thing I will say though, I find the presence of God, Eden and Lucifer in what I assume is a high fantasy setting a bit out of place. I'm guessing this story isn't set on Earth, so that fact that this other world has the same name for the God, the Devil and the world that God created seems like a weird coincidence.

I mean, God you can get away with. The word "God" can refer to any God, not just the Christian God. But the Garden of Eden and Lucifer are specific to the Christian religion, so the fact they they both show up in this other world seems a bit strange to me.

Now, I get if you want to add them for religious reasons, but you can use Christian stories and characters without giving them the exact same names. The Chronicles of Narnia, for example, had a lot of religious characters in it, but their names and appearances were changed in the world of Narnia. Jesus was Aslan and Lucifer was the White Witch, etc.

Also, I kind of get the impression that this religion isn't supposed to be based on the Christian religion, since there are a lot of really clear differences (God is a giant obelisk. Lucifer defeats God and God is cast from heaven, etc.) So, if it isn't based on the Christian religion, why use the Christian names for the places and characters?

Is there really a problem with using the names lucifer and Eden? The world doesn't have to take place on earth for me to use the names of God, Lucifer or Eden. They are meant to have connection to Christian religion. That's the entire point of me using those names, i've read countless stories that use different religions As examples for there story names and all. So i'm a little confused with what the issue is?

The religion in my story has nothing to do with God (the Obelisk) but the multiversal being (outer God)

 

[GroundZxero]

Also this is a world of my own creation. Any high fantasy or d n d type stuff can be thrown out the window.

 

[Avery Moore]

That's the entire point of me using those names, i've read countless stories that use different religions As examples for there story names and all. So i'm a little confused with what the issue is?

It's not that it's an issue, it just seems a bit out of place to use aspects of the Christian religion in a world that isn't Earth. At the end of the day, it's your story. Do what feels right to you.

Also this is a world of my own creation. Any high fantasy or d n d type stuff can be thrown out the window.

High Fantasy pretty much means that it's a world of your own creation.

 

[GroundZxero]

It's not that it's an issue, it just seems a bit out of place to use aspects of the Christian religion in a world that isn't Earth. At the end of the day, it's your story. Do what feels right to you.


High Fantasy pretty much means that it's a world of your own creation.

Okay, gotcha, that makes sense. I guess I just want to understand that thought process. Have you not read stories where different religions are used as context? Even though they take place in a fantasy world with a different name?

 

[Avery Moore]

Okay, gotcha, that makes sense. I guess I just want to understand that thought process. Have you not read stories where different religions are used as context? Even though they take place in a fantasy world with a different name?

Can't think of any.

 

[Fidel]

This is all some good, solid worldbuilding so far!

One thing I will say though, I find the presence of God, Eden and Lucifer in what I assume is a high fantasy setting a bit out of place. I'm guessing this story isn't set on Earth, so that fact that this other world has the same name for the God, the Devil and the world that God created seems like a weird coincidence.

I mean, God you can get away with. The word "God" can refer to any God, not just the Christian God. But the Garden of Eden and Lucifer are specific to the Christian religion, so the fact they they both show up in this other world seems a bit strange to me.

Now, I get if you want to add them for religious reasons, but you can use Christian stories and characters without giving them the exact same names. The Chronicles of Narnia, for example, had a lot of religious characters in it, but their names and appearances were changed in the world of Narnia. Jesus was Aslan and Lucifer was the White Witch, etc.

Also, I kind of get the impression that this religion isn't supposed to be based on the Christian religion, since there are a lot of really clear differences (God is a giant obelisk. Lucifer defeats God and God is cast from heaven, etc.) So, if it isn't based on the Christian religion, why use the Christian names for the places and characters?

Solid point! Using Christian names like Eden and Lucifer in a high fantasy world can feel jarring if it’s not Earth-based. If the religion isn’t Christian, tweaking the names (like Narnia did) could make the world feel more unique and cohesive. Maybe keep the themes but give them a fresh twist, like “The Verdant Grove” instead of Eden or “The Fallen Star” instead of Lucifer. It’d add depth without breaking immersion.

 

[GroundZxero]

Solid point! Using Christian names like Eden and Lucifer in a high fantasy world can feel jarring if it’s not Earth-based. If the religion isn’t Christian, tweaking the names (like Narnia did) could make the world feel more unique and cohesive. Maybe keep the themes but give them a fresh twist, like “The Verdant Grove” instead of Eden or “The Fallen Star” instead of Lucifer. It’d add depth without breaking immersion.

Got it! I see what you guys are saying now

 

[Queshire]

To be fair, this is Eden in one of the most popular video game franchises in existence so you can certainly use the name if you want.

 

[GroundZxero]

To be fair, this is Eden in one of the most popular video game franchises in existence so you can certainly use the name if you want.

Oh I know trust me lol just curious as to why people think I shouldn't

 

[pmmg]

In my world, God is just a All powerful Obelisk of stone and minerals, lucifer essentially pushes "God" over and God falls from Heaven. (I am also Christian, 7th day adventist to be exact)

Well, question 1, you have used both 'All powerful' and 'omnipotent', to describe God, who is a rock. And then twice indicated his fall (above 'pushed over'). That does not seem omnipotent to me. Either God allows this, or he was not omnipotent. If he allows it and is still omnipotent, all these other things are lesser, and I have to wonder at the mind of God in allowing all of this. If he is not omnipotent, the origin comes into question.

You are free to use the trappings of world religions and world mythologies if you like, but they invite scrutiny. A lot of people will see that first and wonder at why the terms will be used. For me personally, I am going to wonder why the author did so, and right away, you are gonna have to jump some hurdles.

Back to Koran, It may be there for innocent reasons, and maybe you mean well, Salman Rushdie was still stabbed in the face for running afoul of those who took offense. I would be careful in these waters.

(PS: I also noted, but did not comment that one was named Gnosis. The above story type is very gnostic. (god is imperfect, created stuff and then fell). I wondered at that too).


For a writing perspective, us fantasy types tend to find World Building as high up on the scale of important things to get right, but in practice, huge amounts of world building never make it into the story. So, as energy spent, I look for the story....is energy being spent on that in due proportion.


For commentary, generally...I ask about story to go with world building. World building without story is just an exercise. All types of WB allow for great stories to take place.


IMO, Fallen Gods, great dragons and easy access to magic seems like the making of a high fantasy, with people gaining god like powers challenging others with god like powers. Is that the plan?

 

[GroundZxero]

Well, question 1, you have used both 'All powerful' and 'omnipotent', to describe God, who is a rock. And then twice indicated his fall (above 'pushed over'). That does not seem omnipotent to me. Either God allows this, or he was not omnipotent. If he allows it and is still omnipotent, all these other things are lesser, and I have to wonder at the mind of God in allowing all of this. If he is not omnipotent, the origin comes into question.

You are free to use the trappings of world religions and world mythologies if you like, but they invite scrutiny. A lot of people will see that first and wonder at why the terms will be used. For me personally, I am going to wonder why the author did so, and right away, you are gonna have to jump some hurdles.

Back to Koran, It may be there for innocent reasons, and maybe you mean well, Salman Rushdie was still stabbed in the face for running afoul of those who took offense. I would be careful in these waters.

(PS: I also noted, but did not comment that one was named Gnosis. The above story type is very gnostic. (god is imperfect, created stuff and then fell). I wondered at that too).


For a writing perspective, us fantasy types tend to find World Building as high up on the scale of important things to get right, but in practice, huge amounts of world building never make it into the story. So, as energy spent, I look for the story....is energy being spent on that in due proportion.


For commentary, generally...I ask about story to go with world building. World building without story is just an exercise. All types of WB allow for great stories to take place.


IMO, Fallen Gods, great dragons and easy access to magic seems like the making of a high fantasy, with people gaining god like powers challenging others with god like powers. Is that the plan?

I understand where you're coming from, this is just the origin of my world it's not the story itself. Koran is pronounced (Corin) not Quran.
Like I said before I don't really want to info dump so I'm just giving you guys a general timeline.

The main story is about the current generation of eternal dragons navigating the world and dealing with the politics at hand. (Very loose description obviously)

500 Years Ago
- Founding of the Delphic Kingdom: The Magus family establishes the Delphic Kingdom and the Church of the Arcana, beginning centuries of expansionist wars and persecution of Beastmen and other races.

370 Years Ago
- Formation of the Pearl Kingdom: The Twilights, psychics capable of manipulating gravity, form the Pearl Kingdom after escaping enslavement by the Delphic Kingdom.

240 Years Ago
- Civil War in the Delphic Kingdom: The Mortimer family (arthur and alice) overthrows the Magus family. The discovery of the psychic stone Obsidian grants the Mortimer family the power of necromancy

220 Years Ago
- Fall of the Pearl Kingdom: The Delphic Kingdom defeats/ conquers the Pearl Kingdom marking the formation of the Delphic Empire. The surviving Twilights retreat to a parallel dimension under the veil of Luna's moon.

- Birth of Izon and formation of the Emerald Kingdom.

200 Years Ago
- Flourishing of the Beast Kingdom: The Beast Kingdom, ruled by the Lionheart family, thrives for two centuries.

Recent Century
- Emergence of Independent City-States: Ruby City, Stardust City, Sapphire City, and Topaz City emerge on unclaimed lands, each governed by a mayor and protected by their own military forces.

80 Years Ago
- Eternal Dragons World War

20 Years Ago
- Collapse of the Beast Kingdom: The Lionheart family is exiled from the Beast Kingdom, leading to a council-based governance. The Lionhearts retreat to the volcanic island of Eldoria.
- Birth of Hikaru and Alexa: Hikaru, the Dragon of Fire, and Alexa, the Dragon of Lightning, are born into the Lionheart family.

 

[GroundZxero]

Well, question 1, you have used both 'All powerful' and 'omnipotent', to describe God, who is a rock. And then twice indicated his fall (above 'pushed over'). That does not seem omnipotent to me. Either God allows this, or he was not omnipotent. If he allows it and is still omnipotent, all these other things are lesser, and I have to wonder at the mind of God in allowing all of this. If he is not omnipotent, the origin comes into question.

You are free to use the trappings of world religions and world mythologies if you like, but they invite scrutiny. A lot of people will see that first and wonder at why the terms will be used. For me personally, I am going to wonder why the author did so, and right away, you are gonna have to jump some hurdles.

Back to Koran, It may be there for innocent reasons, and maybe you mean well, Salman Rushdie was still stabbed in the face for running afoul of those who took offense. I would be careful in these waters.

(PS: I also noted, but did not comment that one was named Gnosis. The above story type is very gnostic. (god is imperfect, created stuff and then fell). I wondered at that too).


For a writing perspective, us fantasy types tend to find World Building as high up on the scale of important things to get right, but in practice, huge amounts of world building never make it into the story. So, as energy spent, I look for the story....is energy being spent on that in due proportion.


For commentary, generally...I ask about story to go with world building. World building without story is just an exercise. All types of WB allow for great stories to take place.


IMO, Fallen Gods, great dragons and easy access to magic seems like the making of a high fantasy, with people gaining god like powers challenging others with god like powers. Is that the plan?

Also in terms of God being omnipotent/all powerful and whether or not he allowed himself to fall, i believe you're looking way too deeply into those machinations. That may be due to your religious nature and that's okay. It's just context for how the world came to be, i won't introduce those aspects of the story until much later when history needs to be revisited

 

[pmmg]

So...here we have God, who is omnipotent, creates Eden, and is thrown down by Lucifer, but I am the one bringing too much of my outside understanding of religious nature to it? And therein lies the problem. You have invited that with the choice of symbols. I am hoping something worthy of that invitation will follow. But I am just a voice in the wind. You can bet there are others like me.

On a goofy website, where we all discuss ideas, it seems fine to me. But if you are hoping to go out into the world, I have to do my job. And that is scrutinize your ideas.

Probably a hundred others on MS will not have such concerns. I'll let them have the floor for a while.