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Does this sound complicated?

Discussion in 'World Building' started by MaccosBridgman, May 28, 2013.

  1. MaccosBridgman

    MaccosBridgman Dreamer

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    I have already posted this elsewhere, but i just want to know if this sounds too complicated as that is some of the feedback i got off some friends, it may be a bit vague in places so if you would like to know a bit more please ask and i shall tell :)

    So basically this is the main plot and storyline for a fantasy story I've started. I shall upload more information as time goes on but this is the basic outline so far, please excuse any grammatical errors etc.

    A little bit of background is that in another world called Coventry which is the homeworld of the Fae, the Fae serf class alongside many of the wealthy aristocratic citizens of the Holy Albionic Empire along with their families lead an exodus from Coventry as the Fae war with the Ludens (an aquatic race) comes to a head and plasmic weapons (this worlds equivalent of nukes) are used. Using ancient magic they tear the veil that seperates worlds and millions are sucked from Coventry and enter Earth 21,000 years ago during the height of the Atlantean Empire. Upon arriving in the magicless barren world they discover that through ripping the veil they are more powerful than they were in Coventry and lead the humans against the Atlanteans and force them back to their continent of Atlantis and using magic bound them there unable to leave the continent ever again, this sees the end of the Atlantean civilisation and the humans unable to work Atlantean technology without the Atlantean crystals, therfore humans regress to cave men and slowly progress (the same as normal history).

    The Fae live in co-existance with the humans for millennia aiding them with their development and creating many myths and legends to cloak themselves. They are worshipped as gods by the Greeks and Egyptians and prosper from the organised Roman Empire, but as the humans continue to develop they Fae know that they will not be able to survive in the human realm and will eventually be discovered.

    Therefore they return to and conquer Atlantis after many years of harsh fighting. After conquering the continent they settle the land. There ancient magic is used to cloak the continent and make it invisible to humans and the land is soaked with magic, making the animals and plants magical. This is last time powerful Fae magic was used. From this the Fae developed into a fedualistic society (minus a serf class, they learnt their lessons back in Coventry) with a hereditary aristocratic noble class and a common folk. The Fae became artistic, enlightened and lived a leisurely lifestyle. War has only torn apart the Fae three times in the centuries they have lived on Atlantis renamed Aeterna (meaning Eternal, a referrence to the Fae's long lifespans) first during the revolt that overthrew the Desrosiers as the monarchs of the Kingdom of Lumeria, followed by the Great Revolution which saw the creation of the Six Kingdoms and it becoming the dominant power in Aeterna with the Desrosiers as the royal family - following this the leisurely society the Fae were accustomed to came about, and finally the Nine Year Rebellion of Prince Alston and two of the six Kingdoms against King Avery II of the Six Kingdoms. With the coup which saw King Avery murdered Alston became King and since the mid-1980s (human years) Aeterna has been in perpetual warfare between the Six Kingdoms and the city-states and the three independent kingdoms and the rebels as well as The Republican Brotherhood, with alliances constantly changing and the beauitful lands of Aeterna destroyed.

    This is the world that Odette must save!

    Odette Ravenscroft was a preppy popular American teen living a normal life, raised by her grandmother Helen Ravenscroft, in the small Virginia town of Armitage. But this was all set to change when her seventeenth birthday rolled around…

    On October 31st Odette's birthday as she readied herself to attend her school's Halloween party were she would celebrate her birthday with her friends when her grandmother called her to sit with her. She would be told by her grandmother that she adopted her father Drake when he was only three weeks old and that her mother, father and twin had not died in a car crash but had in fact been murdered.

    As Odette recovered from this shock, the last two people she thought would ever be in her kitchen arrived her English teacher Miss Amanda Des and local businessman Adrian Langdon who she worked for on weekends as a secretary. By them she was told something she would find even more shocking then the information her grandmother told her. She was a direct descendant of King Avery II of the Six Kingdoms of Aeterna in the magical realm of Faery. Miss Des and Mr Langdon reveal their true identities to be Princess Apolla Desrosier-Capulet and Adam Lazarus, her Guardians and her father's Guardian before her. They escaped with Drake before he could be murdered by her great-uncle Alston now the usper King of the Six Kingdoms, it was also Alston would killed her parents and twin, and that he would now be after her too.

    From here a whirlwind of events occurred, as Odette sat their absorbing what she was told, that not only was she a Princess but also not entirely human she was also half-Fae, which meant she had magical powers her who had only ever aspired to be a writer. As she sat their absorbing her newfound knowledge, there was a loud pop from outside. The next thing she knew two men in heavy armour and with huge swords bounded into her kitchen and slayed down her grandmother before Amanda/Apolla and Adrian/Adam used what appeared to be a blinding light to make the warriors disappear.

    As Odette saw her grandmother die, she saw that however this Alston was she knew she had to kill him if not to save the oppressed people of the Six Kingdoms then to avenge her family who Alston had slayed. With that the next morning Odette began her quest which would see her leave the world she knew behind and enter the magical realm of Faery which was the lost continent of Atlantis shielded from humans with ancient powerful magic. She would battle not only the forces of her great-uncle but rebels, warlocks, witches and the forces of the city states, as she sought to end the fighting in Aeterna and unite it again in peace and prosperity and take her rightful place as Queen of the Six Kingdoms and avenge her family!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 11, 2017
  2. Ciloth

    Ciloth Acolyte

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    I was able to follow it pretty well. The only really confusing part was when you explained the wars that happen Aeterna, probably because the families were never explained and you really only explained three wars in half a paragraph. But, other then that, it was all pretty clear and a concise history.
     
  3. The Construct

    The Construct Minstrel

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    I didn't think it was very hard to follow. The same above with the wars kinda getting confusing, but on a second reading I picked up what that was saying. All in all, not a confusing plotline, but condensed so much that it probably got a bit jumbled. So, I don't think you have a problem.

    On another note, when someone's true method of death is being concealed, why do they always say it was a car crash? :p
     
  4. nwillmott8897

    nwillmott8897 Scribe

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    I found this pretty easy to follow, even if it was condensed down quite a bit and at some points needed to be read more than once. Also, The Construct, i think that the idea of a car crash is used often because the damage you've done would blend in with the damage done to the body in the crash. For example, if Odette's parents were stabbed, you could put their bodies in a car, and run the car off a cliff, that way the stab wound would blend in with damage done to the bodies in the impact. But all in all I like the idea and think it offers a lot of potential :D Good luck with your story.
     
  5. MaccosBridgman

    MaccosBridgman Dreamer

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    Thanks I totally agree with the wars part thats something i need to develop so thanks everyone ! :D
     
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