Foreshadowing a twist without giving it away

[Feo Takahari]

This is gonna be a weird one, so bear with me.

Kids These Days is ten chapters long, and the important character Faithful doesn't directly appear until chapter 9. To foreshadow her existence, I'm thinking that in the next draft, I'll give her and protagonist Price a psychic link. However, it's important that Price doesn't initially realize Faithful exists.

In the current draft, Price's inner monologue is never directly conveyed, only alluded to in narration. In the proposed draft, the narration will occasionally mention that "Price's instincts" told her something, and these things will be printed in italics as Price hears them. Price will figure out about halfway through the story that these aren't really her instincts, but she'll remain clueless as to what they are until she actually meets Faithful.

To make this twist work properly, I'll need to pass through three stages: reader has evidence something's talking to Price->reader knows something's talking to Price->reader meets Faithful. I've never seen this twist done before, so I have no examples to draw from. Does anyone have any advice to give about twists in general or this twist in particular? (For instance, would it be too much if I had Price realize that she didn't know how she knew something her instincts told her?)

 

[Sheriff Woody]

The key to concealing a twist is dual purpose.

Be certain the early scenes with the foreshadowing make sense in and of themselves, so even if there was never a twist, that early scene would still work in its own context.

 

[Penpilot]

(For instance, would it be too much if I had Price realize that she didn't know how she knew something her instincts told her?)

You might be over thinking this. Price knowing something she shouldn't know is a perfect example of foreshadowing that her "instincts" could possibly be something or someone else.

From your description, it seems like you're on the right track. We all talk to ourselves a little when we're alone. And if the a voice answers back, it's not out of the realm of reason. A voice talking back could actually be a red herring, making the reader think maybe price has some sort of mental illness creeping up on her where imagined voices talk to her.

As for hiding this inner monologue/voice/instinct, beware. Hiding things from a reader that the POV character knows is tricky and you can wander into territory where the reader thinks you're cheating just so you can have a big surprise reveal. IMHO cheating in a story, not only can lose the reader for one story, it can lose them for all the stories an author writes, because they think the author may try to trick them unfairly in all their stories.

 

[Anders Ämting]

This is gonna be a weird one, so bear with me.

Kids These Days is ten chapters long, and the important character Faithful doesn't directly appear until chapter 9. To foreshadow her existence, I'm thinking that in the next draft, I'll give her and protagonist Price a psychic link. However, it's important that Price doesn't initially realize Faithful exists.

In the current draft, Price's inner monologue is never directly conveyed, only alluded to in narration. In the proposed draft, the narration will occasionally mention that "Price's instincts" told her something, and these things will be printed in italics as Price hears them. Price will figure out about halfway through the story that these aren't really her instincts, but she'll remain clueless as to what they are until she actually meets Faithful.

To make this twist work properly, I'll need to pass through three stages: reader has evidence something's talking to Price->reader knows something's talking to Price->reader meets Faithful. I've never seen this twist done before, so I have no examples to draw from. Does anyone have any advice to give about twists in general or this twist in particular? (For instance, would it be too much if I had Price realize that she didn't know how she knew something her instincts told her?)

First of all: Don't be too subtle. It's very, very easy to be too clever and overestimate the average reader's ability to pick up on tiny details. Trust me, I've seen people do this and I have done it myself. This one guy I know was convinced his twist was too obvious, even though you'd need to be Sherlock Holmes to deduce it from his "clues."

That said, don't call it Price's instinct - call it "a tiny voice in her head" or something, but convey it the same way you would Price's own thoughts. Make it uncertain if it's a literal voice or just you being poetic about Price's internal monologue.

Then I would do the forshadowing in stages:

1: A tiny voice in Price's head says something Prince could concievably know or figure out herself. Most readers would not think much of it.

2: The tiny voice says something Price couldn't simply know, but Price doesn't notice this. A minority of more attentive readers may pick up on this and realize something wierd is going on.

3: Relatively close to the introduction of Faithful, Price herself starts to realize that she knows things she really shouldn't know. This is to clue in the readers who have yet to notice what you're actually doing here. (Again, don't generally assume any of this is obvious.)

4: Introduce Faithful, explain that the two have a psychic link.

 

[BWFoster78]

the important character Faithful doesn't directly appear until chapter 9. To foreshadow her existence,

Does the existence need to be foreshadowed? I'm okay with introducing characters late in the book.

 

[Feo Takahari]

Does the existence need to be foreshadowed? I'm okay with introducing characters late in the book.

That's a good question. In this particular case, I'll probably need to set her up because her existence is beneficial to Price--she's the reason Price is able to defeat the villain without killing him. I don't want her to come off as a living deus ex machina.

 

[wordwalker]

Looks like this is just how you'd do it. It's these kind of hints that make something not a D.E.M-- and frankly, spreading anything out over the course of a tale, if it doesn't get too subtle is a formula for success.

 

[The Dark One]

I think Anders has pretty much nailed it. The only thing I'd add is to suggest that you make the 'feeling' like a nagging idea that he's forgotten something - or a powerful sense of deja vu.

Also, be wary of th lt character introduction with no foreshadowing at all. Even if a character is just mentioned as existed centuries ago - or similar - that is far more acceptable than the deus ex machina coming from the clouds in the final scene.

In fact this is kinda similar to a device I used in my novel THEM, but I can't tell you what I did without spoiling it.

 

[Leif Notae]

Well, I will throw in the Deus Ex Machina aspect here, depending on how valuable this person is to your plot resolution.

There are ways you can hint to her existence without giving anything away, but you want to think of the value of it when it gets to that point. If she doesn't have a vital, ending changing involvement, than go for it. If she does, you might want to bring her in earlier OR have HER go through this as well. The "peeling of the onion layers", as it were.

 

[Addison]

Try a Jimminy Cricket approach. Price is one type of character but the Instinct and such is written in a tone from a different character. If she's an outgoing, competitive, athletic girl and gets challenged by a boy that she can't out run him through a dangerous area she's not going to mull it over to see if it's smart. She's going to get mad, jaw clenched, hands in fists and get ready to run, possibly drowning out the instinct. But we'll see the italic type of the voice telling her it's not a good idea. Different vocabularies between characters can work.