Help with Destruction and Magic

[Ifinx]

Hey Everyone,

So in main beginning of my story I have a Bard finishing up a tale of the destruction of a major city in the past. Okay before I get into what I really need help on let me clarify a few things. The story he is telling to his patrons is actually tied to the main story-line, but the reader doesn't know this until later. For most of the novel the POV is going to be told by the Bard which is a support character. At other times it will be someone else for various different reasons.

Anyway what I am looking for is details that I can use to incorporate into the Bard's story-telling. Something that will allow me to draw in the reader. Now here is the back story of what happened.

Many hundreds of years ago a war was brewing in the Capital City of Travincall (The Kingdom hasn't been named yet. Name Suggestions Welcome). When a powerful artifact was destroyed with a from of dark magic. The repercussion of this act resulted in a serious imbalance and mutation of magic, thus causing a massive explosion of raw power. It destroyed about 80% of everything: buildings, people, animals, and landscapes for miles around. Although the explosion didn't effect everything the exact same way. By all counts everything should have been destroyed, but weren't. For Example: Most were killed but some weren't. Those that didn't should have, but they were still affected. Some didn't have magic before that now do. Some had complete memory loss. Some didn't have any injuries what so ever. Some had completely disappeared without a trace.

Also here is a example of my first paragraph, but it will change for I am not satisfied with it. Any and all suggestions, ideas, and corrections are welcome thank you.

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“And magic turned in upon itself causing a massive explosion of raw power...”
In the shadows of a local tavern sat a bard wearing magnificent robes of royal blue. Embroidered on his breast a dragon stood rampant encircled in intricate lines of the finest golden thread. He told stories to the patrons and their children, tales of heroes astride mythical dragons, magic, and tales lost to legends from times forgotten.
“destroying the altar of kings, its surrounding and corrupting magic with imbalance.” exclaimed the bard with excitement. “The destruction was far and wide, but not everything was caught in this atrocity,” he spoke a little louder than a whisper. “Those that did were killed, wounded, or hurt. Some had complete amnesia in which they didn’t know who or what they were. Others disappeared into thin air like they never actually existed.” In the throng of people no one moved, took a breath or exhaled almost like they were frozen in time. The bard smiled and took a drink of his brandy hoping they’ve enjoyed themselves just as much as he has. He enjoyed telling stories, causing suspense, and having everyones attention on him.

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Thank you,
Ifinx

 

[Caged Maiden]

I'd suggest doing some of the things a bard would do... I don't know if that makes sense..

The bard gestured wildly, his excitement showing on the faces of the gathered listeners..... A hush fell over the crowd when the bard began his tale; even the wily children had stopped to listen..... The bard pulled his hood low, hiding the sorrow that his face surely showed as he spoke of the tragedy.....

That sort of thing. In one simple line you can not only set the bard's tone, but also exemplify how he is interacting with his patrons.

 

[Penpilot]

IMHO I think there's two ways to go about this.

Right now the paragraph is from an external observer watching The Bard Tell the story, who this is is important. To me, the paragraph coming across as a bit cold because, although there's good description as to what's going on, there's no emotional description from the observer to go along with it. Is the observer getting excited or scared from hearing the story or are they just board? The reader is experiencing the story through the eyes of the observer, so if the observer is excited then the reader should, hopefully, be too. When The Bard says, “And magic turned in upon itself causing a massive explosion of raw power...” did it make the observer's blood boil? Did it freeze? Did he want to weep? These reactions are what draw the reader in and make them feel the story.

A second approach I think would work is tell this part from The Bard's POV. So now you're in The Bard's head and as he tells the story, you can show The Bard thinking about the things he does to make the story exciting to the audience. To steal a bit from what anihow said, maybe when he says, “And magic turned in upon itself causing a massive explosion of raw power..." He slapped his fist into his palm. The audience jumped, making The Bard smile inside. That always got the audience's blood going he said to himself.

It's can be like an internal play by play of what The Bard is doing to rev up the audience. Either way I think is fine as long as the emotional component is there. My two cents and hopefully, it makes sense.

 

[Ifinx]

Thank you Penpilot. I think it is so funny that when you write something and then spend so much time looking at it that you really don't see those little details missing. This actually helps out a lot, and hopefully it will get my mind into thinking how to write from within my Characters Mind. Do you have any other suggestions and hints that might help me?

Always,
Ifinx

 

[Penpilot]

I run into the same issues all the time. Any way. I'm assuming you're writing from third person limited POV. One of the tricks I use when I have trouble getting into a character's mind when writing in third person is to write in the same mind set as if it were 1st person. It reminds me to color the world with the characters POV, see things through their eyes. For me writing third limited is kind of like writing in the first person but changing the pronouns. Oh... and maybe, if you don't already know, keep in mind if the scene is an action scene or a reaction scene -- google up scenes and sequels if you're not sure of what I'm talking about-- it'll t'll help focus that internal monologue.

 

[SeverinR]

The bard creates in peoples minds the wonders of his tales, they recite the play, emotions, sounds, smells, weather in wonderous detail, but never letting the detail bore the listener. Remember the bard survives solely on his ability to entertain the crowd with his tails, his songs, and music, possibly even a merry little dance to accent the story.
The bard is lights, camera, action, and every other thing to the listener. Using the pitch of the voice and loudness to lure the crowd in. Softening his voice in quiet times, the crowd leans in, straining to hear, then bellowing out to startle the listener, causing them to jump. Maybe even a surprise a spray of water from a wet hand if talking of rain, anything to get the listener to feel the story.
They are the ultimate story teller, the author most try to portray this as best they can.

Slamming a piece of wood down on a surface for emphasis would be another example of theatrics.