Basic Question, need help!

[Patrick Jo]

hello all, my name is Patrick jo, as you can see i am new on this platform, actually i've been searching for this kind of website before, to help me get an inspiration for my story.

So the Idea for my writing is called Saint Michaelus, its an order created in medieval europe to terminate monster even sentient one like vampires or any...

so the plot is, when the mc was a child his village was attacked by werewolves, his parent was killed on that night but he was saved by an angel st michael, st micahel also give's him a mark, that on the plot progresses unlocked more superpower for mc to use... that is the premise on how will the writing progressed.
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i've been heavly thinking on this mc power, on first draft i want the mc to have the power like the main character of dishonored(a game if you're familiar) link wind blast(but mc can control wind not just limited to wind blast) , blink, temporary bend time.

it's just a first draft. and disclaimer only mc that have this supernatural power and monster hunter it's a hidden profession, mostly noble house have their kid hone their abilites on mosnter hunting, so many noble deciced to create a order of st michael as their patron. genre is : dark fantasy, supernatural, romance(optional) , harem(optional), gore, bloody.
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i have several question, and i kinda need an example to really understand it.
1. How to write an opening to a story?
all i know to create an opening is to use the template of narratives text such as : once upon a time and its similar type, and i think its not good enough.

2. i want to implement magic as very rare commodity, but is so strong that people that use magic can basically destroy an entire legion of army. but how strong should i make the magic?

Now that you've read the premise and my ideas, it should be noted that MC is the one who could use magic
except the monster, and there will be no witches.

so our MC is quite special his magic as i mention above is heavily influenced like corvo attano magic in dishonored game series.

should i make his magic really strong even for an earlier start (overpowered since the beginning) or mc train hard?

oh and as i mention above too, MC will meet many Supernatural Hunter too, they are mostly Nobles houses who dedicated their life to help their community in secret.

1. MC is not a Noble
2. MC have no proper training physically before
3. the mark will gives MC all the power he needed and its permanent and can never be erased.

now for the time and setting
1. 1878 when mc in teenage year
2. 1888 young adult (main strory take place)
3. Europe - all across the world, MC will travel the globe to hunt monster.


i think that's it for now, i just wanna know how people would react to this and how should i continue with this.
ugh sorry for the bad writing,

 

[Lynea]

Hello and welcome to the forum Question: is this story supposed to be a 'steampunk' monster hunter world? If so, your magic system doesn't have to be complex. Steampunk novels tend to focus on technology and guns rather than magic.

As for your other question, don't worry over the opening hook right now. Just start putting words down on paper and let an editor coach you in opening lines later. Of course, you don't have to wait for an editor. You can peruse other novels in your sub-genre and get a feel for how they open. It's a growth curve for sure.

So, if you need examples then go and find some. Nobody's asking you to reinvent the wheel when it comes to monster books. Explore what's already there. I researched a couple things to get you started.

1. Shadow and Bone series by Leigh Bardugo
2. The Vagrant series by Peter Newman
3. The Shadowhunter books by Cassandra Clare(?) - that one's kinda iffy.

 

[Chasejxyz]

1: Look at the stories you like, look at their openings. WHAT is happening? WHEN is it happening? An opening needs to introducfe the reader to your story and, most importnatly, it needs to give them a reason to keep reading. They need to have a crystal-clear question in their mind that they want answers to, which is why they'll keep reading. This also means they need a real reason to give a hoot about your characters. This is where studying what others have done will help you.

2: It's YOUR story, that's up to you lol. Something that is super powerful needs to have a cost attached to it, otherwise your MC is just going to blast through all of the conflicts and not struggle, and that's boring.

Asking us "how we react to this" isn't what you should be searching for. You can present us with the most mind-blowing amazing idea ever....but if your story sucks, then the idea doesn't mean much. You can present us with the most boring, over done plot ever, but if your execution is amazing, then that's the part we're going to love. You're not a market researcher working for a huge publisher...so asking us what we want to see isn't going to help you.

I kinda despise Brandon Sanderson because he's poisoned a lot of brains into thinking that you NEED to have a magic system, it NEEDS to be complex and powerful and do all these things in order for your story to be good and interesting. And that is, 100%, not the case. Magic is just one of many things that exists to serve your story. Its inclusion has to benefit the story. A complex, rigid magic system can show us that a character is clever using it to get out of problems, or that they're very intelligent to know how to use it, or it is a reflection of a rigid world with strict laws. Magic being rare and super powerful can be a metaphor for something like atomic weaponry; this is what the dragons are in Game of Thrones. A random person being given something so dangerous without any training can be a metaphor for....something. It's up to you! What do you want your story to say? What are you trying to accomplish? How can your magic help with that?

 

[Patrick Jo]

Hello and welcome to the forum Question: is this story supposed to be a 'steampunk' monster hunter world? If so, your magic system doesn't have to be complex. Steampunk novels tend to focus on technology and guns rather than magic.

As for your other question, don't worry over the opening hook right now. Just start putting words down on paper and let an editor coach you in opening lines later. Of course, you don't have to wait for an editor. You can peruse other novels in your sub-genre and get a feel for how they open. It's a growth curve for sure.

So, if you need examples then go and find some. Nobody's asking you to reinvent the wheel when it comes to monster books. Explore what's already there. I researched a couple things to get you started.

1. Shadow and Bone series by Leigh Bardugo
2. The Vagrant series by Peter Newman
3. The Shadowhunter books by Cassandra Clare(?) - that one's kinda iffy.

hi, thank you for your opinion, and the theme is not steampunk it's just normal tech, like in the order 1888 or red dead redemption 2, old classy era like that
so it would very similar to ac creed syndicate + monster and magic.

 

[skip.knox]

I echo the advice: just write. At this point, there's virtually zero chance you're going to get the opening right the first time anyway, so don't let that stop you.

Also, you don't have to start at the beginning. Start anywhere. But start. Not sketching backstory, I mean start by writing one scene. It can be a battle scene, a conversation, even a standard descriptive scene like first entry into a city. But write a scene that gets all the way to the end of that scene. You will then have written something with a beginning, a middle, and an end. Then do more of that. <g>

 

[Lynea]

Sounds cool

So, a lot of your inspiration comes from video games?

 

[Patrick Jo]

Sounds cool

So, a lot of your inspiration comes from video games?

yes indeed, i was blown away with the magic in dishonored game and i ask my self, what if i make a story, about monster hunting secret order

Thanks for your appreciation

 

[Patrick Jo]

I echo the advice: just write. At this point, there's virtually zero chance you're going to get the opening right the first time anyway, so don't let that stop you.

Also, you don't have to start at the beginning. Start anywhere. But start. Not sketching backstory, I mean start by writing one scene. It can be a battle scene, a conversation, even a standard descriptive scene like first entry into a city. But write a scene that gets all the way to the end of that scene. You will then have written something with a beginning, a middle, and an end. Then do more of that. <g>

helloo thanks for reaching out, i will try to write a battle scene, i usually able to imagine it in my head, it just i have troubles in writing it down in word and i will try to create a descriptive scene too.

Regards.

 

[Patrick Jo]

I echo the advice: just write. At this point, there's virtually zero chance you're going to get the opening right the first time anyway, so don't let that stop you.

Also, you don't have to start at the beginning. Start anywhere. But start. Not sketching backstory, I mean start by writing one scene. It can be a battle scene, a conversation, even a standard descriptive scene like first entry into a city. But write a scene that gets all the way to the end of that scene. You will then have written something with a beginning, a middle, and an end. Then do more of that. <g>

i havent write any battle scene but, i've make a example on what the story would be like.
Detective scene
explanation : since all monster have different approach, our mc is trying to deduct the culprit

story : 1888, 2 november The order sent me and Edward to dutch indies(modern day indonesia), to help the dutch indies with their problem, on the public eyes it's just a murder commited by man, but their goverment assure us that this is done by no man, so we were sent to investigate it, the trip took 4months from london to batavia, at the time of the arrival i was suprised by the warm tropical weather that surround me, the feeling was calming and that took me to my past, while i was reminiscing, edward pat my shoulder and ask me to follow him, we went to dutch indies batavia division headquarter to examine the corpse, it was gory, the coprse was dismembered to the point it was unrecognizeable, "i never seen such brutality, it must be done by a large monster, but what kind of beast able to do this in a manner of second" said edward to me, when i look at the corpse i saw strange thing, while the corpse were dismembered i notice something, the uterus were missing, of all the organ only 1 was taken by the monster, so i decided to ask the local if they know a monster that did this, i learn that people in dutch indies were supersitious so it would be easy to talk to them, and then i ask a fishermen at the dock, "sir by any chance did you know a monster that took female uterus", his face turn pale, its like that he is scared to answer my qustion "its fine sir i just want to know", "anuu... itu mah bukan kerjaan mahluk tapi ini kerjaan kuntil anak mister(ummm,,, that is not a work of some beast but i was the work of kuntil anak", i was suprised as i never heard such creature, he explained that kuntil anak was a vengenful spirity of a deceased pregnant lady, who died during child birth, now she roam as a vengenful spririt to eat baby fetus, and she target only pregnant woman" i dont know what to say as thank the man, in my thought in my life i never encounter a ghost before and i decided to tell edward.

i think that would one of my scene on my journey around the globe.

if you have any thought on that it would appreciated, and sorry i have mistakes on grammar or any sentences for that matter as english was not my first language.

 

[Patrick Jo]

Sounds cool

So, a lot of your inspiration comes from video games?

hii lynea, i've write a scene for my story you can try to read it in my reply to the moderator

thanks, and tell me what you think

 

[Patrick Jo]

1: Look at the stories you like, look at their openings. WHAT is happening? WHEN is it happening? An opening needs to introducfe the reader to your story and, most importnatly, it needs to give them a reason to keep reading. They need to have a crystal-clear question in their mind that they want answers to, which is why they'll keep reading. This also means they need a real reason to give a hoot about your characters. This is where studying what others have done will help you.

2: It's YOUR story, that's up to you lol. Something that is super powerful needs to have a cost attached to it, otherwise your MC is just going to blast through all of the conflicts and not struggle, and that's boring.

Asking us "how we react to this" isn't what you should be searching for. You can present us with the most mind-blowing amazing idea ever....but if your story sucks, then the idea doesn't mean much. You can present us with the most boring, over done plot ever, but if your execution is amazing, then that's the part we're going to love. You're not a market researcher working for a huge publisher...so asking us what we want to see isn't going to help you.

I kinda despise Brandon Sanderson because he's poisoned a lot of brains into thinking that you NEED to have a magic system, it NEEDS to be complex and powerful and do all these things in order for your story to be good and interesting. And that is, 100%, not the case. Magic is just one of many things that exists to serve your story. Its inclusion has to benefit the story. A complex, rigid magic system can show us that a character is clever using it to get out of problems, or that they're very intelligent to know how to use it, or it is a reflection of a rigid world with strict laws. Magic being rare and super powerful can be a metaphor for something like atomic weaponry; this is what the dragons are in Game of Thrones. A random person being given something so dangerous without any training can be a metaphor for....something. It's up to you! What do you want your story to say? What are you trying to accomplish? How can your magic help with that?

thank you for your kind advice
since magic is a rare commodity, i think mc will struggle quite a bit, to learn his power without being seen on his jobs and dot forget mana, how will a world without magic can fulfill depleted mana of a magician, i havent thought of that yet

i have written an example of one of the scene, in my reply to the moderator, feel free to give me advice, thanks

 

[fantasy_trance]

"i have several question, and i kinda need an example to really understand it.
1. How to write an opening to a story?
all i know to create an opening is to use the template of narratives text such as : once upon a time and its similar type, and i think its not good enough."

You are pushing yourself to improve and that's a really good thing! You can always do a little better. When you begin your story, think of a line or phrase or scene that is attention grabbing; you have to start your story with something exciting to get the reader's attention.

For example: "It was a dark and stormy night..."

That one is really cliche'd but you can still use templates to learn how to recognize what is attention grabbing until your mind is trained enough to write attention grabbing sentences on its own.

"2. i want to implement magic as very rare commodity, but is so strong that people that use magic can basically destroy an entire legion of army. but how strong should i make the magic?"

The magic is so strong that people that can use magic can basically destroy an entire legion of army. That is how strong it is; you defined it yourself. Now, all you have to do is describe the effects of the magic. Answer the question, "How does this magic destroy an entire legion of an army?".

"Now that you've read the premise and my ideas, it should be noted that MC is the one who could use magic
except the monster, and there will be no witches.

so our MC is quite special his magic as i mention above is heavily influenced like corvo attano magic in dishonored game series.

should i make his magic really strong even for an earlier start (overpowered since the beginning) or mc train hard?"

I think the MC should work for that power. It's hard for a reader to relate to a character that's already extremely gifted unless later in the story they have some big downfall where their talent alone isn't enough to get them through an obstacle. Someone who starts off with immense power and breezes through the story with no challenges is boring to read.

Make your MC's quest exciting by putting challenges in front of them that they overcome and each challenge they beat unlocks another level of power for them!

"oh and as i mention above too, MC will meet many Supernatural Hunter too, they are mostly Nobles houses who dedicated their life to help their community in secret.

1. MC is not a Noble
2. MC have no proper training physically before
3. the mark will gives MC all the power he needed and its permanent and can never be erased."

The mark is overpowered. I think it's better if he gets the mark but still has to work to unlock all of its abilities. The potential of the mark is what excites readers because they can imagine what it can do and feel thrilled as they discover new powers in each chapter with the MC.

"now for the time and setting
1. 1878 when mc in teenage year
2. 1888 young adult (main strory take place)
3. Europe - all across the world, MC will travel the globe to hunt monster.


i think that's it for now, i just wanna know how people would react to this and how should i continue with this.
ugh sorry for the bad writing,"

It can be really exciting, but you have to make sure you don't just give stuff to your character. They have to earn it. Make them work for it.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*There is fun in watching a character overcome obstacles; you put yourself in their shoes and it feels like you have overcome with them. That's what connects people to a story!*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Keep going with this one, it's good!

 

[Patrick Jo]

"i have several question, and i kinda need an example to really understand it.
1. How to write an opening to a story?
all i know to create an opening is to use the template of narratives text such as : once upon a time and its similar type, and i think its not good enough."

You are pushing yourself to improve and that's a really good thing! You can always do a little better. When you begin your story, think of a line or phrase or scene that is attention grabbing; you have to start your story with something exciting to get the reader's attention.

For example: "It was a dark and stormy night..."

That one is really cliche'd but you can still use templates to learn how to recognize what is attention grabbing until your mind is trained enough to write attention grabbing sentences on its own.

"2. i want to implement magic as very rare commodity, but is so strong that people that use magic can basically destroy an entire legion of army. but how strong should i make the magic?"

The magic is so strong that people that can use magic can basically destroy an entire legion of army. That is how strong it is; you defined it yourself. Now, all you have to do is describe the effects of the magic. Answer the question, "How does this magic destroy an entire legion of an army?".

"Now that you've read the premise and my ideas, it should be noted that MC is the one who could use magic
except the monster, and there will be no witches.

so our MC is quite special his magic as i mention above is heavily influenced like corvo attano magic in dishonored game series.

should i make his magic really strong even for an earlier start (overpowered since the beginning) or mc train hard?"

I think the MC should work for that power. It's hard for a reader to relate to a character that's already extremely gifted unless later in the story they have some big downfall where their talent alone isn't enough to get them through an obstacle. Someone who starts off with immense power and breezes through the story with no challenges is boring to read.

Make your MC's quest exciting by putting challenges in front of them that they overcome and each challenge they beat unlocks another level of power for them!

"oh and as i mention above too, MC will meet many Supernatural Hunter too, they are mostly Nobles houses who dedicated their life to help their community in secret.

1. MC is not a Noble
2. MC have no proper training physically before
3. the mark will gives MC all the power he needed and its permanent and can never be erased."

The mark is overpowered. I think it's better if he gets the mark but still has to work to unlock all of its abilities. The potential of the mark is what excites readers because they can imagine what it can do and feel thrilled as they discover new powers in each chapter with the MC.

"now for the time and setting
1. 1878 when mc in teenage year
2. 1888 young adult (main strory take place)
3. Europe - all across the world, MC will travel the globe to hunt monster.


i think that's it for now, i just wanna know how people would react to this and how should i continue with this.
ugh sorry for the bad writing,"

It can be really exciting, but you have to make sure you don't just give stuff to your character. They have to earn it. Make them work for it.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*There is fun in watching a character overcome obstacles; you put yourself in their shoes and it feels like you have overcome with them. That's what connects people to a story!*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Keep going with this one, it's good!

thank youu for your kind support

 

[skip.knox]

Please re-post your story sketch over in the Critique Requests forum. You're more likely to get responses there. I'll comment only this, here: I know English is not your first language, but you need to be able to write as if it were, if you expect English-speaking people to read it.

To switch positions for a moment, German is not my native language. You write better English than I would write German. But I know enough of the language to know that if I submitted a story in German to a German audience, and in that story I never capitalized a single noun, they would dismiss the story out of hand. And rightly so. Every language has its rules, and the writer must abide by those rules. Even the ones that change all the time. <g>

Have you tried writing stories in your native language? Have you looked for forums like this one in your language (I know there are very few, in any language, but it's worth trying). IOW, I'm suggesting you try to master the almost innumerable difficulties of writing in your own language first. You can work on English meanwhile, or you can look for translators, which is what some authors do, once they can afford it.

 

[Patrick Jo]

Please re-post your story sketch over in the Critique Requests forum. You're more likely to get responses there. I'll comment only this, here: I know English is not your first language, but you need to be able to write as if it were, if you expect English-speaking people to read it.

To switch positions for a moment, German is not my native language. You write better English than I would write German. But I know enough of the language to know that if I submitted a story in German to a German audience, and in that story I never capitalized a single noun, they would dismiss the story out of hand. And rightly so. Every language has its rules, and the writer must abide by those rules. Even the ones that change all the time. <g>

Have you tried writing stories in your native language? Have you looked for forums like this one in your language (I know there are very few, in any language, but it's worth trying). IOW, I'm suggesting you try to master the almost innumerable difficulties of writing in your own language first. You can work on English meanwhile, or you can look for translators, which is what some authors do, once they can afford it.

i havent heard of indonesian fantasy writing story forum(i will look into this further), and indonesian arent known for fantasy story or any good narratives book for that matter, according to statistic indonesian have low literacy rate. they are not the perfect audiences in my opinion, they dont read story they usually like gaming youtuber more or people flaunting their wealth content rather than story.

thanks for your advice.

 

[skip.knox]

Understood. Look not only for forums but also at places like reddit or any other platforms for discussion. Do the search in your native language as well as in English.

As for working in English, you might try writing short stories, about most anything at all, doesn't need to be fantasy. Then submit them to online magazines. What you'd be looking for there would be feedback from the editors of those magazines. The advice might sometimes be harsh, but will usually be valuable.

Oh, and do a search for critique circles (here's a list from Reedsy) The 50 BEST Online Critique Circle to Take Your Writing to the Next Level
With these, you have to critique the work of others in order to have your own critiqued. Some cost money, most are free. It's another way to get feeback on your (English) writing. And you will learn a great deal in the process of having to critique the work of others.

Good luck!