Holding back information

[Steerpike]

I'd like some thoughts from the forum on ways to go about doing this.

A person arranges for MC to meet with character A, against whom MC has a grudge. In reality, the person waiting for MC is character B, who has a grudge against MC. The reader does not know this. MC, however, does know it. I don't want the reader to realize it is character B, or that the MC knows it is character B, until later. The POV is a step removed, so that we're not getting directly into the head of the MC.

I'm thinking about just letting the scenes play out, appearing to the reader as they might if she were just watching things unfold on camera. I describe the details of the scene, convey the dialogue, and that's it. Thoughts?

EDIT: One thing I am wondering (but not the only thing) is the extent to which I should foreshadow, if at all.

 

[Ankari]

Since you're not in the MC's head, you have the freedom to do what you want. As a reader, I wouldn't mind having the scene play out. I would want to see some clues of the MC's knowledge before the meeting. Perhaps character A is a friend while character B isn't. Perhaps he makes sure to grab a few weapons, making the reader wonder why the MC needs so many weapons when he is meeting a friend. Things like that.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

SP I'd love to weigh in here but your example confuses me. The way I read it, this all boils down with the MC going to meet someone that is holding a grudge against him? You want the reader to think its a different person entirely that he's going to meet while still allowing that the MC knows all along who's really waiting for him at the rendezvous?

 

[Steerpike]

Thanks, Ankari. I'll work in some foreshadowing. It wouldn't be weapons, because it would be natural for the MC to want to kill person A, and to expect a fight. I have a few ideas on that score, though.

T.AllenSmith: To clarify. The MC meets with a person who arranges for the MC to enter the estate of character A, who the MC would like to see dead. It is really a double-cross. Instead of character A waiting there, it is character B, who wants to kill the MC. Character B thinks he has tricked the MC, but actually the MC is on to them and knows it is character B the entire time. Character B is someone the reader assumes is already dead, so I'd like for it to be a surprise to the reader, even though it is not one to the MC.

Does that make more sense? I could PM the specific details, but I'd rather not post them here. Hopefully the above is more clear than my initial post.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

Ok I get it.

In that case I agree with Ankari. Sprinkle a few details in that seem innocuous on the first reading but after the attempted double cross is foiled give the reader that "A ha!" moment.

Writing the scenes like that wouldn't bother me in this slightest as a reader. I'd probably love it... Surprises are really what gets me hooked on an author.

 

[Steerpike]

Thank you, T.AllenSmith. I'll go the route you and Ankari suggest and see whether it works or not.

I find my main problem in giving clues to foreshadow is determining when I've said too much and when I've said too little. Since I know what is coming, clues start to look obvious to me and I pare them back.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

I'd write the scene and drop the clues in afterwards. It'll give you a better perspective on how much needs to be said.

 

[Steerpike]

I'd write the scene and drop the clues in afterwards. It'll give you a better perspective on how much needs to be said.

That's a good idea. It hadn't occurred to me to try that.

 

[ThinkerX]

T.AllenSmith: To clarify. The MC meets with a person who arranges for the MC to enter the estate of character A, who the MC would like to see dead. It is really a double-cross. Instead of character A waiting there, it is character B, who wants to kill the MC. Character B thinks he has tricked the MC, but actually the MC is on to them and knows it is character B the entire time. Character B is someone the reader assumes is already dead, so I'd like for it to be a surprise to the reader, even though it is not one to the MC.

I've seen this sort of thing done in crime novels more than once. Detective X - in first person singular - stumbles across something that makes him go 'ah - now all this makes sense' and then embarks on a course of action similiar to that above, not revealing much to the reader.

 

[Steerpike]

Thanks again, guys. I actually just wrote a rough draft of the story. 2500 words!

ThinkerX - Yes, I was thinking about looking at some of those kinds of stories in detail. Jeffrey Deaver is a master of this sort of thing. Maybe I'll pick up a book of his short stories.

 

[Penpilot]

Well since you wrote the thing already, I wont' say don't do it. If you haven't done this already, one thing you might try, which goes along with what Ankari said, is as the scene plays out, have the MC hint that they know more than what's being seen by the reader. It'll be a bit tricky without seeming like you're cheating, but if done right will add some intrigue to things. You might even add at the end of the scene a bit of a tease that absolutely states that the MC knows something but cut it off before they reveal what that is.

 

[Benjamin Clayborne]

Does the MC really need to know that it's B before he gets there?

 

[Steerpike]

Thanks, Penpilot. Even though it is written, it is going to need work. I have all of the scenes down, but they are relatively bare. I'll need to fill things out a bit.

Benjamin: Yes

 

[Helen]

I'd like some thoughts from the forum on ways to go about doing this.

Saw The Medusa Touch yesterday, a 1978 Richard Burton flick which does a great job of holding back information. Maybe you want to watch it for ideas.

 

[ShortHair]

The reader won't mind if you hold back some info, but don't make it too much or too crucial. If the MC is the POV, you can obviously hold back a lot more.

Your main character doesn't have to know that he's meeting B instead of A, he only has to suspect some kind of trap, which would be natural if A is an enemy. As a reader, I'd feel cheated if he had specific information that he was meeting B and you didn't disclose it, unless there was a very good reason for it (and there could be).