Holiday Issues

[srebak]

I’ll come right to the point and say that I’m the type of person who wants to be able to enjoy the holidays, anniversaries and special occasions that occur within the year. Whether it’s by showing the proper respect for days like MLK day, Presidents’ Day, Memorial Day, Juneteenth or Veterans Day, or by recognizing the cultural significance and appeal of occasions like Chinese New Year, Black History Month, Passover, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa (even though I don’t necessarily observe some of those events), I don’t like letting a holiday or special occasion go by without doing something in acknowledgment of it. Heck, I can’t even get over missing out on events like the specific anniversaries of certain TV shows or well known characters. I can never allow myself to miss out on Star Wars Day and it bothers me to a certain extent when I don’t know about certain occasions that acknowledge certain animals in the world. And it especially doesn’t fly if I know that I missed out on a special milestone birthday for a family member.

Bottom line, though; I can most definitely never allow myself to miss out completely on any of big holidays that were important to me growing up. Chief among them being; Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. But, even though I’ve tried to get my tree and decorations up and done quickly this year and get a good start on my yearly holiday themed media marathon, and have even bought some Christmas cards, Christmas treats, a gift for a family member and some hot cocoa packs, it still doesn’t feel like I’ve done enough for the season this year. Which is bad because, at this point; it is December 11th, which means that there are only 13 days left until Christmas Eve, and because I’ve taken too many breaks from it and have been delayed by a few bathroom related matters (no further details than that), some invasive thoughts and moments where some old holiday season wounds were reopened; I’m still only on round one of my yearly holiday themed media marathon. Plus, I feel the need to show some acknowledgment and respect for the holiday of Hanukkah, even though I don’t really observe the custom, which is why I watched at least three different forms of Hanukkah related media on the first day. But with Hanukkah almost at an end, I still don’t feel like I’ve done enough

Does anyone have anything to say or suggest about all of this?

 

[pmmg]

Way more than im gonna do. Personally, i think we could let some of those holidays go.


But if you need suggestions, how about a christmas avi?

 

[Fyri]

I’ll come right to the point and say that I’m the type of person who wants to be able to enjoy the holidays, anniversaries and special occasions that occur within the year. Whether it’s by showing the proper respect for days like MLK day, Presidents’ Day, Memorial Day, Juneteenth or Veterans Day, or by recognizing the cultural significance and appeal of occasions like Chinese New Year, Black History Month, Passover, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa (even though I don’t necessarily observe some of those events), I don’t like letting a holiday or special occasion go by without doing something in acknowledgment of it. Heck, I can’t even get over missing out on events like the specific anniversaries of certain TV shows or well known characters. I can never allow myself to miss out on Star Wars Day and it bothers me to a certain extent when I don’t know about certain occasions that acknowledge certain animals in the world. And it especially doesn’t fly if I know that I missed out on a special milestone birthday for a family member.

Bottom line, though; I can most definitely never allow myself to miss out completely on any of big holidays that were important to me growing up. Chief among them being; Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. But, even though I’ve tried to get my tree and decorations up and done quickly this year and get a good start on my yearly holiday themed media marathon, and have even bought some Christmas cards, Christmas treats, a gift for a family member and some hot cocoa packs, it still doesn’t feel like I’ve done enough for the season this year. Which is bad because, at this point; it is December 11th, which means that there are only 13 days left until Christmas Eve, and because I’ve taken too many breaks from it and have been delayed by a few bathroom related matters (no further details than that), some invasive thoughts and moments where some old holiday season wounds were reopened; I’m still only on round one of my yearly holiday themed media marathon. Plus, I feel the need to show some acknowledgment and respect for the holiday of Hanukkah, even though I don’t really observe the custom, which is why I watched at least three different forms of Hanukkah related media on the first day. But with Hanukkah almost at an end, I still don’t feel like I’ve done enough

Does anyone have anything to say or suggest about all of this?

Honestly... have you looked into getting checked out for OCD? I'm feeling some symptoms in this post, though I also have a feeling others may have mentioned this to you before? Figuring that out may be helpful to you, as you can find strategies to manage these things better. <3

It is wonderful to be respectful of these holidays, but you must acknowledge that you are one human and these holidays do not expect you to do major things for all of them. It is enough to celebrate what is directly connected to you, and think kindly of the ones that aren't. Jewish people simply want to be able to celebrate and honor their own traditions alongside Christians, Muslims, and Hindus. The true people of these celebrations (sans Earth Day) are not going to knock down your door and yell at you for not celebrating with them. My mom and I tried to celebrate every Caucasian major holiday big time one year. It was exhausting and we failed big time. XD

But in this moment, you sound like you need to feel fulfilled that you connected and honored the holiday enough. Perhaps you could visit a synagogue and do something kind? I don’t know; Mostly I just find it enough to be kind to people celebrating and ensure they have the space to do so.

Living in and honoring diversity doesn't mean we must adopt every culture into our own body. Rather, it means to be kind, understanding, and accepting of new cultures (that are not about raping or killing people).

Idk if you need to hear this, but

Breathe. You're gonna be okay. <3

 

[srebak]

Honestly... have you looked into getting checked out for OCD? I'm feeling some symptoms in this post, though I also have a feeling others may have mentioned this to you before? Figuring that out may be helpful to you, as you can find strategies to manage these things better. <3

It is wonderful to be respectful of these holidays, but you must acknowledge that you are one human and these holidays do not expect you to do major things for all of them. It is enough to celebrate what is directly connected to you, and think kindly of the ones that aren't. Jewish people simply want to be able to celebrate and honor their own traditions alongside Christians, Muslims, and Hindus. The true people of these celebrations (sans Earth Day) are not going to knock down your door and yell at you for not celebrating with them. My mom and I tried to celebrate every Caucasian major holiday big time one year. It was exhausting and we failed big time. XD

But in this moment, you sound like you need to feel fulfilled that you connected and honored the holiday enough. Perhaps you could visit a synagogue and do something kind? I don’t know; Mostly I just find it enough to be kind to people celebrating and ensure they have the space to do so.

Living in and honoring diversity doesn't mean we must adopt every culture into our own body. Rather, it means to be kind, understanding, and accepting of new cultures (that are not about raping or killing people).

Idk if you need to hear this, but

Breathe. You're gonna be okay. <3

I’m actually well aware that I have OCD and I have little reason not think that this has something to do with my current situation

 

[Finchbearer]

I’d say some of those thoughts and worries are completely normal, and some of them are on the extreme end of the spectrum ~ clearly you are a caring and empathetic person who wants to do good things like honour and celebrate important dates, however it seems like your OCD (as you’ve mentioned having) is being a bit of a bully and making you feel distressed and is giving you those invasive thoughts.

There’s no obligation to honour, observe or celebrate anything if you don’t want to, and I can relate to you saying that sometimes holidays can be hard because they can open up old wounds ~ I have certainly felt the pressure to enjoy an event to the point where it has become unenjoyable, thing is I know that these things don’t need to be stressful and I try and let a lot of those worries go. Good mental health is far more important.

It’s good that you’ve gotten some of those thoughts out and they’re not stuck inside your head, that can be a useful act in itself to do ~ and perhaps reading your message back you can see where some of your worries are in that extreme end ~ but I would also say please don’t sit there alone and worrying to the point that it affects your daily life, seek out professional healthcare advice if you’re really struggling.

All the best.

 

[Fyri]

Some amateur research has led me to this advice: Slowly start to lessen the amount of things you do for holiday celebrations. It will be hard, but it will be good for you and the world (because it will allow you to heal, and healthy you is good for the world!).

You mentioned that issues came up which set you behind in your usual routine. I'm not a therapist, but perhaps when the obsessive thoughts come up and tell you you suck for not honoring traditions enough, remind those thoughts that it wasn't in your control. Acknowlege what happened and what is and isn't in your control. Reality is messy and you aren't a superhero.

Try to argue logic with the anxiety. I know, that only works so much. I have insectphobia, and while I KNOW touching a fly will not poison me and end my life, I still FEEL like it will and avoid them at all costs. But, starting small helps me. When I am feeling strong enough, I will force myself to touch pictures of bugs. Small steps toward conquering my phobia and living a slightly easier life. But, this only works sometimes. My phobia fluctuates in intensity. Sometimes I can touch things and sometimes I don't want to be in the same building as them. Still, repeating logic in different ways to myself with mindful breathing helps in moments of crisis. Perhaps it can help you too!

 

[pmmg]

I think what you describe is in the neighborhood of a disorder, and you should seek a therapist. That much attention to holidays feels more like a compulsion has taken over.