that was a good read. It didn't specifically address my concern (about separating family from writing issues), but it was pretty concise in its message: branding over privacy.
I'm not sure about the "you can't have privacy!" argument when KJ Parker - one of the biggest mysteries in fantasy fiction - just came out with his real identity after 17 years of total secrecy. Now admittedly, that's one case and an outlier, but still.
I also think the branding question - in this age of social media - is a completely separate question from pen names. Rachel Aaron, for instance, makes no secret of the fact that the books she publishes as Rachel Bach are also her. Both things are included in her bio (I'm pretty sure). She has the pseud because she didn't want younger readers of the Eli Monpress books innocently picking up the adult-and-gritty sci-fi she writes as Bach, but for her readers and fans, there's no real speedbump of brand identification.