How many beats is too many?

[Trick]

I noticed recently that I use a lot of beats in place of dialogue tags. I do my best to stick with 'said' and occasionally 'asked' when dialogue tags work best but I have several beats in every conversation. They are usually unique and not 'Charlie took a drag on his cigarette... again' but I worry that they might fog the scene and cramp the dialogue. It being my own writing, I may be too close to tell.

What are your opinions and experiences with using (or over-using) beats?

 

[Svrtnsse]

This is something that concerns me a bit as well. I use a lot of beats to try and underline what's said by the characters. I'm sharing an excerpt from a conversation below here.

“I promise I won't tell anyone. Don't worry. You can trust me.”

She tilted her head and turned to look at him, not bothering to brush her hair out of the way of her eyes. “Like you could be trusted not to take any pictures?”

“Hey.” His face grew warm. “I said I'm sorry – and it's not the same anyway.”

“I'm kidding, I'm kidding.” Amanda giggled. “How did you find your way up here anyway. They drew you a map or something?”

“No, my buddy came along to show me the way.” Enar sat up a little straighter, puffing out his chest. “Name of Bolvar, he's a wolf hound you know.”

“What, you had Bolvar guide you? Where is he?”

“You know him?” His shoulder's sank. “He's sleeping over there.” Enar pointed over to where to dog lay, quiet now.

“Oh, I thought that was a pile of dirt someone had dug up.” She stood up, tiptoed over to where Bolvar slept and knelt beside him. “Poor thing, he must be really tired, sleeping through all the noise you made. You must have worked him hard?”

“Hey, you made noise too.” He'd probably made more noise, but that was beside the point. “And I didn't do anything. He's probably just tired from the walk. It took us a few hours to get here.”

Amanda rose and came back to the bench and sat down. “He's from Hyardum, isn't he? Stays with Rufus, right? You didn't walk all the way from there though, did you?”

“As a matter of fact, we did.” Enar sat a little straighter again. “Got up really early and walked most of the day actually. We just arrived a few minutes before you showed up.”

“Really?” She looked him up and down. “That's quite impressive. You don't look the type for long hikes.”

“Hey. You calling me fat!” Enar put on his best indignant face and tried to look insulted. “You... you sheep. I'll kick you down the hill.”

I'm sure this will be too much for some, but I think it might work for others. I'm not sure it's about whether it's too much or too little, but about finding a style that works for you.

 

[Penpilot]

It's hard to tell without actually seeing the text, but one rule of thumb you can use for yourself is this. Imagine the character's movements within the scene. If it feels like they're striking a pose every time they speak, then you might have a problem. Twitchy characters can be really annoying.

Characters doing things naturally within the context of the scene are fine as long as each movement is doing work, convey useful information, which is another useful self check. Are the beats doing any work other than conveying who's talking? Is the beat conveying emotion? If not, then you might as well use "said" it'll save you words.

Also beats aren't always movements. They can be observations, thoughts, etc.

A quick and dirty example of dialogue using only beats.

Fred's feet squeaked on the floor as he made his way into the kitchen. "Hey Sue. What's cookin' good lookin'?"

"Har Har." Though she didn't show it in her voice, Sue loved it when Fred made bad jokes.

"What's for dessert?" Fred opened a cubbard, then a drawer, then poked his nose into the dishwasher.

"The dishwasher. Yes, that's where I'm keeping dessert hidden." As Fred moved around the kitchen, Sue noticed the dark stain on his tie, a chocolaty colored stain, and in that instant, she knew. "You didn't. You wouldn't dare."

Insincerity covered Freds face. "Dare what?"

She pointed at the stain, the scent of chocolate wafting off it. "That. That!"

"Are you insinuating that I did something?"

"You bet buster. You're busted."

Fred furrowed his brow. "The only thing busted is your sanity." He pulled open the fridge and there at the back sat the tonight's dessert, a chocolate pudding cake.

Sue shrivelled, and she was about to beg forgiveness when she noticed that a tiny bit of frosting was missing from the corner of the cake. Just enough to make a tiny stain, like on a tie. "Nice try Jokey McBad Joke." She rubbed the tie in his face. "Enjoy, your moment because you're sleeping on the couch tonight. No dessert for you."

 

[stephenspower]

Taking a cue from scripts, you often see 3-5 lines of dialogue, then some sort of direction, then 3-5 more lines of dialogue. This forces each little exchange to be impactful. To transition from one little exchange to the next, one person could say something, do something then continue speaking. The actions in between, as Penpilot wrote, should be doing something to advance the plot or enhance the dialogue as well. Also, I've found that if a person does something between saying something, then you don't have to write "s/he says" because it's obvious. Losing "s/he says" is like drawing a cartoon character with only four fingers: it saves time.

 

[Terry Greer]

My view is that as long as it's really clear who's doing the talking and the reader has no chance of getting lost then I wouldn't worry.

Lack of dialogue tags tend to speed up the dialogue - so I tend to do it where a quick reply is wanted, or the banter flies fast. But after several of these the reader can get tired and want a break. I find lots of description is better used to slow the action down and make it more contemplative.
I suppose I get uncomfortable if the tagless exchanges exceed 4-5. That gives me enough for a couple of quick retorts - followed by a reaction or two.

 

[skip.knox]

I agree with others: without the text, we're just trying to discuss aether. Try posting something over in the Showcase and you'll get meaningful feedback.

 

[Trick]

I hand write everything before typing it up and my WIP is yet to be typed but I'll find a few pages that are a good example for my question and get it posted.

Thanks All!