Introduction chapter struggles

[Deleted member 4379]

I am starting my fantasy-story with a 20-sheet long opening chapter. As I am going to sometime in the future send the story to a publisher, I am trying to make the introduction chapter as good as possible.

My doubts are in the structure mostly. I start off with the main character slowly advancing through a scenery, while describing in his mind what he sees and basically giving the details of the entire setting, world and recent events. He doesn't actually do anything that important until the end of the chapter.

Would you think that the reader finds the way of "nothing happening, only explaining" in the beginning unpleasant and bad even? Does that sort of opening ruin the entire story?

The scene is basically: main character is taking a chariot-ride to trough a city to a murder scene, where he starts working. At least half of the chapter is the ride through the city, where the character sees and describes everything.

 

[Demesnedenoir]

Unlikely to work in the modern market. Nothing is impossible, and of course it depends greatly on your own talent.

But, in general, iffy idea at best. Sounds like a big, dull, info dump. Without seeing the chapter, one can't be 100% decisive, but those are the impressions.

 

[skip.knox]

It's too difficult to say with that vague description. Perhaps you could post to the Showcase and get some feedback there.

 

[Trick]

You may have already done all of this, but this is the generic advice I pass on to writers working too hard on their first chapter (it has been given to me several times in one form or another).

Go ahead and write that first chapter of nothing happening but don't focus on your first chapter/introduction being as good as possible. Keep writing, get into the book, write the whole thing. While your doing this, read some books on writing, listen to the Writing Excuses podcast. Re-read a bunch of books you love but now with a writer's eye and tear apart their opening and whole first chapter to find out what they did that sucked you in.

Then re-write your first chapter. Then edit it and work on it to your heart's content. Then start revisions on the rest of the book. By the time you're done with that, you'll probably need to redo the first chapter again. I think 1st chapters are worth several re-writes, but not until the book is "done."

If none of this applies to you, because you've already done it or similar in your own way, then I'm thinking you should post the first chapter in the showcase and get peoples' reactions to it.

 

[FifthView]

The first chapter I'm now writing is similar, in that the main character arrives at the capital of the empire on a ship, with two companions (students), and because he's from a provincial city the milieu is new for him. A carriage awaits him ahead of his arrival, and he'll be traveling through the city to the place he is going to stay, only discovering the full nature of his summons near the end of the first chapter.

I've begun with some description, mostly about his traveling companions and the city as it comes into view. But while it's tempting to describe, describe, describe–there is much to be taken in, since he's new to the city–I've decided to intersperse those observations with real-time dialogue. First, there will be some minimal dialogue with his two students, a little dialogue with the captain of the ship, some more dialogue with the person who arrives in the carriage to escort them to their new residence, who also knows something of what awaits him and carries news of recent events in the capital.

The novel's written in the first-person, so I have ample opportunity to spice up whatever description I give via character voice, but I don't want the whole chapter to be nothing but description or to have long pages of passive observation and description with nothing else happening. So I'm going to turn to dialogue to give the chapter some life. Plus, I can subtly reveal some aspects of the world through the dialogue, particularly in the dialogue between my MC and that escort.

I'm leery of writing too much continuous description, or since this is first person, lengthy passages of passive observation.

 

[La Volpe]

To be honest, I would just start the chapter where he gets to the murder scene. Having a big info dump at the beginning makes the book seem awfully slow, especially if you're resorting to butler-maid talk in which the character tells the reader the history of the world for no reason.

What Fifth mentioned might be less tedious for me because the area is new to the POV character, so he has a reason to be hyper aware of his surroundings. Though I'd still start as close to the action -- any kind of action -- as humanly possible, if I were you.

In short, I think 10 pages of info dump is WAY too much. My advice: cut out all the history explaining you can.

 

[Deleted member 4379]

Thanks for your answers.
I would post the story to showcase, but its not written in english, so translation would take some time.
I have written the chapter now for around 4 times. Each and every time it has obviously improved, but the main idea is the same.
I actually started a completely blank sheet and wrote the chapter without thinking the rest of the story. I rewrote the first 5 pages, starting from the murder scene. I felt it wasn't that good of a start, but I kept the file and replaced the arrival to the murder-place with this new part. The beginning is still the same :/

I'll try to translate the first page and post it in the showcase.

 

[Holoman]

It depends on what is actually written, a description of recent history may be interesting, but it is harder to make it as gripping as a live scene. History and descriptions lack tension, which is what keeps the reader reading.

You could create an entirely new scene to overlay with the description, trying to do both, so that something is happening as well, preferably something exciting.

 

[TWErvin2]

I guess something to consider is, what does the reader need to know for the story to move forward? How much of that description is necessary vs. how much of it is that you find interesting or just want to share?

If there is important information about the setting or history, incorporate it into the plot when appropriate within the context of the story and action. It will be more relevant to the reader and probably make better sense. Will the reader really remember everything described at the beginning without something, some event or character or whatever, to anchor it to

Consider your audience and purpose for the content.

That's my two cents, but as was indicated, anything can work.

 

[FifthView]

Though I'd still start as close to the action -- any kind of action -- as humanly possible, if I were you.

In my case, the arrival in the city and the dialogue are the action. Just want to clarify for the OP that action does not need to be something high-octane nor necessarily an absolute "in the moment" observation and reaction cycle—Although, the purpose of the dialogue I am using is to limit passive observation, placing the MC more in the moment. His arrival is happening now, and he's needing to react to events now; but those events are not so urgent that other thoughts cannot intrude for the length of the arrival, and these other thoughts can be delivered while the current action is also happening.

It's a balancing act, in my case.

I think what's really required in the first chapter is to give readers a sense of conflict, a little tension, a little intrigue, to make the intro to the story interesting enough to engage the reader and keep him reading. Exactly how these things are delivered ... is the question. I think that often "action" is given as a sort of cure-all answer, but when action works it's because those other points are being hit: conflict, tension, intrigue. The problem with encyclopedia-style info dumping is that all those past historical events, overviews of culture, and so forth usually don't give a sense of real and present conflict or tension; rather, such overviews are out-of-time or have no-time, and readers won't have a strong understanding of how they relate to whatever is happening in the present.

 

[Deleted member 4379]

Thanks for all the answers. First 500-ish words are in the showcase.

 

[La Volpe]

In my case, the arrival in the city and the dialogue are the action. Just want to clarify for the OP that action does not need to be something high-octane nor necessarily an absolute "in the moment" observation and reaction cycle–Although, the purpose of the dialogue I am using is to limit passive observation, placing the MC more in the moment. His arrival is happening now, and he's needing to react to events now; but those events are not so urgent that other thoughts cannot intrude for the length of the arrival, and these other thoughts can be delivered while the current action is also happening.

It's a balancing act, in my case.

I think what's really required in the first chapter is to give readers a sense of conflict, a little tension, a little intrigue, to make the intro to the story interesting enough to engage the reader and keep him reading. Exactly how these things are delivered ... is the question. I think that often "action" is given as a sort of cure-all answer, but when action works it's because those other points are being hit: conflict, tension, intrigue. The problem with encyclopedia-style info dumping is that all those past historical events, overviews of culture, and so forth usually don't give a sense of real and present conflict or tension; rather, such overviews are out-of-time or have no-time, and readers won't have a strong understanding of how they relate to whatever is happening in the present.

Agreed. When I say "action", I mean start with a scene, not a sequel. I.e. the POV character should have a goal and be busy pursuing it (and there should be something stopping the goal from being reached). It doesn't have to be (and probably shouldn't be) the MC being chased by a bear.

 

[Ankari]

The question who have to constantly repeat while writing is: Why? The man is on his way to a murder scene. A time Delray could mean failure in solving the crime.

No there are things to consider that you haven't shared. How serious is he about his job? Is he new to the job and enthusiastic or was he assigned this position because of familial connections? Is he an old hand at this? Does he plan to retire soon? Maybe he's part of a larger plot and doesn't want to be on the scene until he has things rationalized.

Every possibility leads to a different tone, a different answer to your question. Think your character through before you write 20 sheets that may ultimately be scrapped.

 

[bradford177]

As a reader, and I read a lot, I want to be engaged right away. I want to say, "That was cool" and now I am ready to find out about the back story to the character, because of what just happened.
I like books that spoon feed me information throughout the story, rather than all at once. I loose interest fast otherwise.
Just my 2 cents!

 

[Addison]

Take a look at the description. Is there anything that can be described later as the character interacts with it? Do the past events impact the story right then and now at the beginning? If they're important to the story is there a better place to bring them up? Look at the voice you're using. Is it contemplative? Sarcastic? Humorous? The right voice can really help nail and improve a scene that could be boring.

My kid sister is taking a creative writing class this year and wanted me to give her a prep class. She shows promise, like you she started her story in a similar way. Only instead of going to a murder scene her character was racing through her suburban neighborhood at night to join her friends in teenage hijinks. According to her it turns into, and I quote, "Goosebumps meets that horror movie you like with the hockey mask guy". I read her opening chapter and told her the same questions. It's kinda funny watching someone else make the freaked out revision faces and habits.