perspectives in action sequences

[Ghost]

Carleon finished the wounded man by running his blade across his throat.

I wasn't confused by this part, but I can see how two hises so close to each other can cause confusion since you have to rely on context instead of grammar to know what's going on.

I'd play around with the sentence if it bothered me. Carleon finished the wounded man by running a blade across his throat. Carleon finished the wounded man by slitting his throat. Carleon ran a blade across the wounded man's throat, finishing him. Carleon slit the wounded man's throat.

Listen to your instincts when they tell you something is off. Things might look fine to you and others, but I believe that doubts about a passage signify another approach is out there, one that fits your book and your style better.

If I'd been reading the book and knew Carleon was the MC, Davaar a friend and in your world guard = soldier this wouldn't faze me. However as a snipped I found it confusing. I wouldn't always associate being a guard with a soldier and might think 'where's that soldier come from?'

Same for me. Since I don't know the book, I didn't know how many people were involved. Changing from "guard" to "soldier" to "wounded man" confused me more than the his-his problem.

 

[Harbinger]

I ended up just going with "Carleon slashed the man's throat." Lorna and Ghost brought up another question I had though. I try to avoid using 'the guard' or 'the man' too much, but its sometimes hard to avoid in sequences likes this. Is it better to just overuse these tags instead of risk confusing the reader?

 

[Ghost]

For me, it depends on how long the character appears in the story. If he's there for a couple of pages or paragraphs, I prefer one name. It confuses me to have more than two names within a short span. I keep reading until the author makes it clear what's going on, but I'd prefer the author keep it straight from the get go.

Some people suggest changing it so there's less repetition; however, I consider a word like "guard" or "wounded man" to be like stand-ins for a name. I certainly wouldn't change a character's name every other paragraph. (Changing from "guard" to "wounded man" isn't bad. I'm assuming all involved are men, so "wounded guard" is more specific.) Stand-in names that add description or characterization can be useful, but they're unecessary for a bit player.

If there's only one person it could be, it's easy for me to tolerate changes. It's harder in action scenes with more than two people since there is more to keep track of.