Quick grammar & punctuation question-

[Chessie]

Hi, everyone. So I'm curious to get your thoughts on this: I have a passage in my WIP that begins after a pause (blank space between).


A letter written from one character to another shown in small italic font. <--- last section of narrative

SPACE <--- followed by...


Along the way to the Mexican restaurant.

Along the way to the Mexican restaurant...

(Along the way to the Mexican restaurant)

Along the way to the Mexican restaurant—

^^ Written in smaller font. Which one would be correct? A dialogue scene begins directly after this sentence.



Your thoughts are appreciated!

 

[FifthView]

Are these lines a part of the letter? Else, they seem like some kind of stage direction or a cue like those in comic books ("Meanwhile....")

Incidentally, that comic book type of cue often uses ellipses.

I guess I'm not sure what you are doing. If it's third omniscient, you might be better off just saying something like, "As Elise made her way to the Mexican restaurant, she was stopped by David who happened to be walking the opposite direction," and launch into the dialogue after that.

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

Are these lines a part of the letter? Else, they seem like some kind of stage direction or a cue like those in comic books ("Meanwhile....")

Incidentally, that comic book type of cue often uses ellipses.

I guess I'm not sure what you are doing. If it's third omniscient, you might be better off just saying something like, "As Elise made her way to the Mexican restaurant, she was stopped by David who happened to be walking the opposite direction," and launch into the dialogue after that.

Yeah, I'm not quite sure what you're trying to do here.

 

[Penpilot]

I'm a little unclear as to what you're trying to do too. If you don't want to use the actual text, maybe give us a made up example passage, so we can get a clearer picture.

 

[Chessie]

Ah, sorry for lack of clarity. So, like Fifthview mentioned, the line about the restaurant is meant to come across as a Meanwhile... like you see in comic books (except it's in a novel). My reason for doing this has more to do with the story's personality, if that makes any sense. It's written in omniscient (think of a narrated noir film).

This sentence leads into a new scene, so I'm asking which one of the examples would be the proper format. Yes, I want it to read like in a comic book, but the scene before it ends with a letter.

EDIT: I think a page break would work best here.

 

[FifthView]

I might go with

Along the way to the Mexican restaurant...

Although, in a novel this one might work–but with a period:

(Along the way to the Mexican restaurant.)

I think the essential factor is that you are using a storyteller voice/personality, so it's like an aside by that storyteller. So the decision might come down to how you want that storyteller's voice to work. I'm not sure there's actually a grammatical standard here; it may be more of a style issue.

 

[Chessie]

Fifthview, YES! LOL That's exactly how I envisioned the scene in my head lol.

 

[Demesnedenoir]

I'll second Fifthview's elipses choice.

 

[Michael K. Eidson]

I also think it's a style choice, but if it were me, I'd go with the ellipses...

 

[Chessie]

Yeah, I went with the ellipses and did a page break after the letter so it's not so confusing.