Relationships in Worlds based on Ancient Times

[AllisonTheDisturbedTurtle]

Hey! I'm not entirely sure if this would be the right place, but I really could use some advice. This is going to be kind of long. Trigger warning I guess for questions about creepy relationship dynamics? I'm writing a world that is, aesthetically, based on a loose mix of bronze age Crete, bronze age Greece, classical Greece, and early Rome with its own mythology. This world is a very dark place, because of realistic dark things in it. The main story takes place on an Island where all the "gods" originated from. My MC, D (F22), was raised by her father, who was sort of an oddball compared to others on the island, and her mother who is from the mainland, where there is a very wide variety of cultures. Her mother specifically is descended from folks loosely based on ancient Scythian tribes, she and her family immigrated to the island where she met Despoene's father. So Despoene was raised by rather different standards then most people on the island. It's also important to mention that D's father didn't worship the "gods" that most other people did. He's in a minority that worships the force of infinite potential that caused everything to exist. D has a younger sister N (F15). In this world, N is technically entered into society, and is an adult. This world wrestles with uncomfortable themes - for example, a thirteen year old being married off to an man in his mid-twenties. In this world, it's not common, but it's accepted when it happens. D, raised by her mother, is absolutely horrified by this happening, despite knowing that girls ages 12-16 are often married. People are trying to set up matches with N, and D is NOT happy about this. Enter their childhood best friend, who has just turned 19, L. He and Nysa have always been friends, and L never had any kind of romantic interest in her until recently, when she turned fifteen and became an actual adult. His character arc goes from, "It's not common, but it's accepted for a 13 yo to marry a man in his twenties" to "Why is Despoene horrified by this? Should I be horrified by this?" to "I don't want anyone to look at me like Despoene looked at that man, even if both N and I are adults." Eventually, he realizes that just because society says something is okay doesn't make it true. He realizes he has major concerns with marrying N at the age she's at. So, here is my issue:
1. I don't want L to be construed as a creep. He does not groom her, he does not push her, he's the one who sets most of the boundaries because he realizes he wants her to grow so that she's not entirely reliant on him, he does not try to isolate her, and he doesn't push for s*x at any point. All in all, he is really happy to simply have a simple friendship that they've had since they were both young, and if they didn't end up together, he'd still be okay with just a platonic friendship.
2. His character arc serves multiple purposes for the progression of D's story and N's emotional maturity, it's not thrown in there for shock.
3. He makes the decision even after D "dies" that he wants to wait for N to have more life experience and refuses to marry her until she's at least seventeen or eighteen.
4. character growth takes a while, especially since it's a major philosophical shift. I don't want my audience to be poisoned against him in the time he takes to grow.

All in all, I just want to make sure I'm not crazy. I've read multiple books with an age gap like this and no one has an issue, and I'm trying hard to make sure it isn't toxic, and this is not really a romantasy. It has a much larger plot than that, though there is romance in it that the plot could not progress without and it exists to fuel the characters. I would really, really love other people's opinions on how to execute this well. What would you do if your story wrestles with uncomfortable themes like societal mortality vs personal morality, cultural marriage, and other things? Tips or tricks? Literally anything.

 

[Karlin]

Hi,
I find the mix of classic cultures interesting. You seem to have thrown in a Daoist concept as well (The "force" you meantioned). What I don't entirely follow is why anyone in that culture would be so concerned about a woman marrying young. It almost feels like you've thrown a modern concept into a totally different traditional culture. Though, maybe that is the whole point.

 

[pmmg]

While there is no accounting for individuals in any individual culture, the concerns here strike me as applying modern values to ancient peoples, which are not a match.

Regardless of that though, my advice is to write it true, and do not write it trying to squeeze into the concerns of others. The character would be product of is his culture, and will have been shaped by it throughout his life. His attitudes, counter or in support, will be born of that, and it will show in the way he presents. If he lives in ancient Greece, girls were married off at young ages to bear children and keep the nation strong. They may not have liked it, but they understood the purpose. The males also understood this. He was married at an older age to be more established, and have completed his military obligations.

Much of their culture would have also supported this, from parents, neighbors and community, to government, religion and social morays.

To be a male in that culture, and have desire for such a young girl, would not be out of character for people living in that time.

The character you want to write needs to be written as he would truly be in such a time and place. Give him the credit to be alive on page, and not stifled by concerns for what makes him look creepy by today's standards. Inserting today's standards is what will make it seem artificial, and make it not fly.

Write it true. Its the only way to go.

 

[Queshire]

Personally I would just avoid the whole thing by having the culture in question wait until 17 or 18 or whatever instead of marrying people young.