So my story is too offensive :(

[Miles Lacey]

If you write a story that involves drug use in a real life martial art you're going to upset a lot of people. However, if you create your own martial art then you can simply point out that it's a made up martial art so what you choose to do with it (and the people who participate in it) is none of their business.

You should also be ready to accept that if you have a story that involves children or teenagers using and/or abusing drugs it will upset many people. Your book will be banned in many places, even within the United States.

If you're passionate about the story you want to write then write it. The worst thing that can happen is that no one will buy your book. Trust me on this: having people take offence at something you write is nothing compared to the blow to the ego that comes from writing a book that sells only thirty copies.

 

[WonderingSword5]

Does he seek vengeance against his mentor in some sort of redemption arc

I'd say it's more of a mix of this. First he's suffered ptsd from the drug effect had on his final match with almost killing his opponent and the bad reputation it gave him. Then after getting his redemption after realizing the truth, he then wants his revenge on the bad trainer and wants to put an end to the new future athlete fighting competitions being used with the same mysterious drug enhancement, becoming more of a hero arc. And also discover the source of this mystic drug.

 

[WonderingSword5]

Well, mines more of a fictional medication that can be abused. But the drug part to me, seems fine. But I can see how using a real martial Arts style and presenting it in a bad light,

It;s a fictional mysterious drug that is from a mystic source. And the martial art style will be made up and fictional but based on real styles. So I'm good?

If you write a story that involves drug use in a real life martial art you're going to upset a lot of people. However, if you create your own martial art then you can simply point out that it's a made up martial art so what you choose to do with it (and the people who participate in it) is none of their business.

You should also be ready to accept that if you have a story that involves children or teenagers using and/or abusing drugs it will upset many people. Your book will be banned in many places, even within the United States.

If you're passionate about the story you want to write then write it. The worst thing that can happen is that no one will buy your book. Trust me on this: having people take offence at something you write is nothing compared to the blow to the ego that comes from writing a book that sells only thirty copies.

Yes the martial art will be fictional based. And the drug will not be like feeding pills to the students, but some form of meditation with incense that the bad teacher uses on his students to make them feel almost invincible, this is what I'm going to write

Will this be less offensive?

 

[WonderingSword5]

Is this premise better?

 

[cak85]

I'd say it's more of a mix of this. First he's suffered ptsd from the drug effect had on his final match with almost killing his opponent and the bad reputation it gave him. Then after getting his redemption after realizing the truth, he then wants his revenge on the bad trainer and wants to put an end to the new future athlete fighting competitions being used with the same mysterious drug enhancement, becoming more of a hero arc. And also discover the source of this mystic drug.

How does he get his redemption? It only sounds like he has a realization of his bad ways. Does he reach out to other athletes who have similar drug problems? Does he start a support group? Build a crew of disgruntled athletes who all want to go after the former trainer?

 

[Chinaren]

I'm offended by the fact you think your story is offensive.

 

[WonderingSword5]

How does he get his redemption? It only sounds like he has a realization of his bad ways. Does he reach out to other athletes who have similar drug problems? Does he start a support group? Build a crew of disgruntled athletes who all want to go after the former trainer?

I'd say he reaches out to athletes with similar drug problems and abuse as well as those bullied. After realizing what had happened to him in the past, it becomes his goal to fix this from others suffering in similar ways, though he was unknown at the time that he was being drugged by his bad teacher/trainer when he was in his youth, which was a mystical substance being used.

Then when the bad former trainer returns and is trying to build up his same drug enhanced fighters like it was in the past and trick everyone to make it seem like the MC is the bad guy, MC will try to help the athletes who are willing to see the truth and go against the bad trainer.

 

[WonderingSword5]

I'm offended by the fact you think your story is offensive

I know, I was just told so many times by others a while ago how offensive the idea is because of student/fighters being drugged by enhancements, but they probably didn't realize or understand that it is discovered much later on that this was a form of a drug, which led the students in the story and the readers, who will read this story, to believe they were just given too much enthusiasm of overconfidence with some mystic force which is a drug "disguised" as some herbal meditation. I hope readers will understand this

 

[cak85]

I'd say he reaches out to athletes with similar drug problems and abuse as well as those bullied. After realizing what had happened to him in the past, it becomes his goal to fix this from others suffering in similar ways, though he was unknown at the time that he was being drugged by his bad teacher/trainer when he was in his youth, which was a mystical substance being used.

Then when the bad former trainer returns and is trying to build up his same drug enhanced fighters like it was in the past and trick everyone to make it seem like the MC is the bad guy, MC will try to help the athletes who are willing to see the truth and go against the bad trainer.

My advice (if you are up to take it) is to focus on this! It sounds like you are working on the anti-hero route, which works for this kinda story.

And honestly, this is the first time I have a clear idea of what your story is about. Another thing to consider is - having your MC have to struggle with his own "demons" along the way. This could help him be a more well-rounded character.

 

[BJ Swabb]

Being one who is writing a fantasy series with many dark and offensive events, can say that not everyone who reads your work will like it. It may give them a bitter taste in their mouths, but criticism will always be there, you just need to be strong and take the negative and turn it into a positive. Take what they say to heart, but continue your story on how you feel it should be written. Some of the criticizing may be useful for thinking about different ways to learn and to grow in writing. I have gotten mix feedback by my work, but there is a large number that enjoys my storytelling. What I have gotten from my feedback wasn't directly towards the way I write but the editing and POV of things. You may want to re-read those feedbacks and see what you can pick up from it and take what you want. But remember this, this is your story, and you can do whatever the hell you want with it. Always go with your gut when writing, most times its the best version only to need updated.
If you would like to send me what you got, I will read through it and give you my honest opinion. I am not judgement, and will give you feedback to help you grow.