The curse of the creative mind

In the late '80s I delivered pizzas for Cousins Pizza in Norwood, NJ. The place had a half-dozen trucks with Cousin's logo, address and phone number written all over them. It occurred to me, Could I get a pizza ordered to Cousins itself? I figured none of the driver actually registered our address and would drive many times back in forth in front of the store, which was on the main drag through town, until they figured it out while the owner, who made the pies up front wondered what the driver was doing.

I chose a busy Saturday when the place was hopping and there were five other drivers to minimize my chance of getting the delivery.

The first trick was the phones. There were three next to each other on a wall, which were manned by a high school girl (I was in college). I asked if I could use a phone. She said sure. I turned away from her, waited for her to hang up her current call, and dialed our own number. She answered and I turned my back and said quietly, because she was right behind me, that I'd like a large cheese. She said OK. I gave her Cousins address and phone number, and hung up.

She, of course, had to call that number back to make sure the order wasn't a prank. I was only too glad to help her out when the phone rang while she was calling from the one next to it. I grabbed the phone and quietly confirmed the order and hung up. She asked me, "Who was that on the phone?" I said, "Wrong number."

The order was put in--to the owner. Who didn't notice. I think I went out on a run and came back to find the ticket moved up and the pizza being made. So close. When the pie came out, I positioned myself to see it given out to another driver, which consisted of the owner calling the next driver's name and sticking the ticket in the gap around the lid of the pizza box. He did it, I smiled, then he called the driver back and looked at the ticket. His mind must have just registered the address, which he didn't usually pay attention to. Damn.

I felt sorry for the poor phone girl who got chewed out for taking the order. I busied myself with some chore to hide my disappointment. No one every figured out who did it.