thoughts and speaking

[Carl]

hey all i'm having an issue with my wip. One of my characters is thinking to himself while calling out commands. Is there a good way to do both in a paragraph or should I just do the commands in single lines and thoughts seperately?

 

[BWFoster78]

Carl,

I find that it works better if you insert beats between the thoughts and the speech. Like this:

What was the sergeant's name again? The colonel scratched his chin until the man's moniker popped into his mind. "Owens, take the prisoner to his cell."

 

[Androxine Vortex]

The front line is failing, I have to do something. "Everyone, fall back! Archers, provide cover fire!" There, that should buy us some time.



I think you can blend it together like that. You don't necessarily need to separate it imo

 

[BWFoster78]

The front line is failing, I have to do something. "Everyone, fall back! Archers, provide cover fire!" There, that should buy us some time.



I think you can blend it together like that. You don't necessarily need to separate it imo

I don't think there's anything wrong with this. It seems to me to be a purely stylistic choice.

In my example, I use italics to indicate internal dialogue. For some reason, it just strikes me as off to put the italics next to the quotes. I'm not sure why.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

You can also have the same effect by showing the reader what the POV character is seeing (or hearing) that causes him to issue the order. Having your POV notice some sensory input (like battle lines failing above) and then having them issue commands in reaction, implies thought.

I would prefer this method unless for some reason his thoughts need to be explicitly written down. This method allows the reader to experience the action and take a more active part in the decision being made.

 

[Carl]

Thanks for your replies guys gives me so options to try out. Hopefully soon I can put it up in the showcase and you guys can let me know what you think.