Trying to figure out how to re-write this part I don't like...

[Marscaleb]

There is a section in my story that I don't like and want to revise, but I can't figure out how to do this. I decided to share it here and see if I can get some advice.

The context:
This is at a magic class at a military boot camp. Captain Mangold is teaching recruits about making magic illusions. Amber (main character) is secretly from our world originally.

The full first draft:

The captain looked over to Amber and nodded at her. “Why don't you step up here and help with this next demonstration?”


Amber slipped out of her seat and scurried up to the front.


“Wave your hand through my decoy.”


Amber complied with the order. As her hand passed through, the image jittered and sputtered, and portions disappeared where her hand “touched” it. It reformed itself in an instant, and Amber waved her hand through a few more times with the same result.


The captain then had Amber grab an eraser from the chalkboard and touch the decoy with it, producing the same effect. He then had her toss the eraser through the illusion. When Amber tossed the eraser nothing happened; it simply phased through the illusion without any jittering or sputtering.


The captain had Amber repeat the experiment a few more times before he explained what was going on. “When you grasp something, or even touch it if there's enough contact area, trace amounts of your mana flow into that object, so minute you'd never notice it. When you hold the eraser, there is mana in the eraser that disrupts the illusion. And as you recall from our earlier training, anything charged with your mana will lose that charge in a fraction of a second when you let it go. Thus, tossing an object into an illusion doesn't disrupt the spell, but touching it with an object you are holding does.


“Now, this is also why you see objects appear and disappear when I grab them; trace amounts of mana go into this book when I grab it. This is also why my decoy appears in the same outfit I am wearing. Trace amounts of my mana are flowing into my clothes, my boots, and my leg.”


Amber had to repress a smile and a chuckle. The way he listed his boots separately from his clothes reminded her of the line from Terminator 2: “I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle.” The captain even had a similar timbre in his voice.


At that moment the lance corporal returned to the room and took a seat at the front where she could watch the recruits. The captain dismissed the hologram and motioned for Amber to take her seat, which she did.


Captain Mangold continued speaking. “There is one other way you can use the illusion spell.

What's really bugging me:
I intended the captain to mention his leg, which should catch the reader and Amber off-guard. eg, Why would he list his leg like that? It's unusual.
However, Amber misses the statement because she gets distracted, and thus doesn't ask. At the end of the chapter it is revealed that the captain has a prosthetic leg, but Amber does not know about this. This bit is supposed to be one of several seeds planted that hint-to or make-sense-when the reveal comes later.

I don't want to draw a lot of attention to this, otherwise it makes the reader suspicious. I tried writing a version where Amber distinctly asks herself "wait, what was the third thing he said?" and then forgets about it when the lance corporal enters, because maybe said lance corporal does something or says something. But apart from the fact that I can't think of anything for her to do (that is reasonable to happen), it just draws too much attention if she's specifically asking about it.
But then on the flip side, it doesn't work for something so odd to be said and she never catches it just because she thought of a movie quote and someone else walked in.

So I'm not sure what to do there. How do I keep this reasonable but still have a low-key hint about the captain?

Also I welcome any other feedback on my writing.

 

[pmmg]

This is my quick stab at it.

“Now, this is also why you see objects appear and disappear when I grab them; trace amounts of mana go into this book when I grab it. This is also why my decoy appears in the same outfit I am wearing. Trace amounts of my mana are flowing into my clothes, my boots...”

Amber had to repress a smile and a chuckle. One boot was different from the other. She wondered if he knew. She would have mentioned it, but just at that moment the lance corporal returned to the room and took a seat at the front where she could watch the recruits. The captain dismissed the hologram and motioned for Amber to take her seat, which she did.

 

[Marscaleb]

One boot was different from the other. She wondered if he knew.

I admit I do like that approach; make the seed be something else.
That said, if she were to notice a detail about his boots, perhaps what she would notice was a leather strap peeking above one boot. For being a military setting, I think his boots being noticeably different would be a problem.

 

[Genly]

My initial thought is that it would have to be a very good prosthetic leg for the captain to walk without noticeable effects on his gait. His gait might be very close to normal, but not quite. Maybe this could be what Amber notices, and wonders about?

 

[pmmg]

I admit I do like that approach; make the seed be something else.
That said, if she were to notice a detail about his boots, perhaps what she would notice was a leather strap peeking above one boot. For being a military setting, I think his boots being noticeably different would be a problem.

Not what I meant.

You wrote:

When you grasp something, or even touch it if there's enough contact area, trace amounts of your mana flow into that object, so minute you'd never notice it. When you hold the eraser, there is mana in the eraser that disrupts the illusion. And as you recall from our earlier training, anything charged with your mana will lose that charge in a fraction of a second when you let it go. Thus, tossing an object into an illusion doesn't disrupt the spell, but touching it with an object you are holding does.


“Now, this is also why you see objects appear and disappear when I grab them; trace amounts of mana go into this book when I grab it. This is also why my decoy appears in the same outfit I am wearing. Trace amounts of my mana are flowing into my clothes, my boots, and my leg.”


The Implication being, anything he touches can be made to disappear....but one boot is attached to his flesh, the other to a wooden leg. So one boot would be affected by mana and the other not. It not connected to actual flesh. He could not help that. Both boots may have the same amount of polish for inspections.

 

[Marscaleb]

My initial thought is that it would have to be a very good prosthetic leg for the captain to walk without noticeable effects on his gait. His gait might be very close to normal, but not quite. Maybe this could be what Amber notices, and wonders about?

It has a magic-powered ankle hinge, so his gait isn't terribly different, and Amber happens to never notice this. She does notice that he never goes on runs and rarely takes the recruits on marches, leaving that to the lance corporal.

The Implication being, anything he touches can be made to disappear....but one boot is attached to his flesh, the other to a wooden leg. So one boot would be affected by mana and the other not. It not connected to actual flesh. He could not help that. Both boots may have the same amount of polish for inspections.

The mana actually goes into both boots like it does with clothing. I was thinking of adding a bit where he drapes himself in a blanket and they see that it takes a minute or two before the blanket appears in the illusion of himself, but it really makes no worthwhile addition to the story and this chapter is already super long. I really should be focusing on the elements that wind up being used later in the story. Demonstrating what does and does not disrupt an illusion will avoid a lot of questions later when some illusions get disrupted and others do not.

But if you're bringing it up, then maybe I should spare a sentence or two so as to avoid some popcorn logic from readers wondering why both boots appear on the illusion, or why boots appear at all when they wear socks.

 

[Super Fantasy]

There are lots of ways to rewrite events and such in a novel.
Im new to such a thing, although I sometimes like to add elaboration and or rewrite sections to match other sections or compliment each other.