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- #21
Writer’s_Magic
Sage
Heliotrope Thanks for the links. I had to ascertain that I’ve already read those articles. But thanks!
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What could be a occupation for a dhampir?
- Thread starter Writer’s_Magic
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- #22
Writer’s_Magic
Sage
Heliotrope I got one:
A dhampir girl (Paige Ross) is trained to protect the world against evil like evil vampires, werewolves, witches and much more. But she also has to protect herself against idiots at the vampire school.
A dhampir girl (Paige Ross) is trained to protect the world against evil like evil vampires, werewolves, witches and much more. But she also has to protect herself against idiots at the vampire school.
pmmg
Myth Weaver
Not sure if i missed it but why do they need an occupation? What is wrong with just being a student?
How about works at the school book store or library? Or maybe at the shop where they sell silver bullets for the werewolves.
How about works at the school book store or library? Or maybe at the shop where they sell silver bullets for the werewolves.
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This is a logline, not a premise, and it is too vague to be helpful to plot. Think of a premise FIRST.
What if.... a dhampir at a vampire school discovered the school was created as a trap to eliminate her kind?
What if a dhampir studying medicine at vampire school developed a cure for vampire's bite... but the school would do anything to prevent it from being sold....
I don't know.... but think of a What If. Make it specific.
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- #25
Writer’s_Magic
Sage
Heliotrope And how about this?:
A young dhampir girl goes to a school for vampires and dhampirs and is trained to protect her world against evil.
A young dhampir girl goes to a school for vampires and dhampirs and is trained to protect her world against evil.
Ireth
Myth Weaver
That works for a start, but it needs more. "A young dhampir girl [...] is trained to protect her world against evil. But when..." That last bit is where your plot happens.
Still nope. It is still too vague and it is a logline, not a premise.
Let's look at some examples of famous premises:
What if a boy wizard had a piece of the villain's soul stuck in him, and so he was the only one who could save the wizarding world from the villain?
What if a lowly Hobbit was the only one who could be trusted to destroy a ring of power, but doing it threatened to destroy who he is.
What if a farm boy went to seek his fortune, and came back to find his love was engaged to an evil prince?
You get the idea... they area all very specific. There is a specific goal and specific stakes. You are missing that still. You are missing why this is HER story. Why is she important to the plot?
Exactly. This is exactly it. You are missing the "but"...
So let’s go with that....
What if a half vampire girl goes to a special university to learn to be a bodyguard.... but.....
She discovers that only the top three students will graduate, after a fight to the death.
She meets a handsome rebel who wishes for more out of life and she starts to question her own choices,
She discovers the university genetically modifies the student to make them stronger and faster and the procedure comes it’s some nasty consequences.
Do you see how right now you only have half the story? You only have the concept, but no plot yet.
What if a half vampire girl goes to a special university to learn to be a bodyguard.... but.....
She discovers that only the top three students will graduate, after a fight to the death.
She meets a handsome rebel who wishes for more out of life and she starts to question her own choices,
She discovers the university genetically modifies the student to make them stronger and faster and the procedure comes it’s some nasty consequences.
Do you see how right now you only have half the story? You only have the concept, but no plot yet.
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- #30
Writer’s_Magic
Sage
Heliotrope
The first one remembers me to The Age of the fish
The second is a cliche.
The third ... Jurassic World?
The first one remembers me to The Age of the fish
The second is a cliche.
The third ... Jurassic World?
Look Writers Magic. I’m trying to be helpful. You asked. No one else is answering. I’m offering examples, to help you grasp what you are missing, here. I think I’m done. Good luck with your series.
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- #32
Writer’s_Magic
Sage
Heliotrope Maybe I find one. Then, we can go forward, don’t we?
I think the point here isn't to give you finished ideas to work with. It's to get your mind working in order for you to come up with your own ideas.
Thanks Svrt, that was exactly the point. They were meant as examples, to show that half the story is missing. The plot is missing.
Yes, Writers_Magic, if you come up with a premise and a plot, I would love nothing better than you help! That is why I'm here, doing this on a Sunday morning.
Yes, Writers_Magic, if you come up with a premise and a plot, I would love nothing better than you help! That is why I'm here, doing this on a Sunday morning.
Rkcapps
Sage
Excellent help, Helio, really well explained.
Writers_Magic, you're still describing a scenario to Richelle Mead's Vampire Academy. I've read them all, and so far, I'm yet to see your twist on a tale already told. Ask the 'what if' question to come up with your twist. I think the key question is, what are they training for? And before you say, 'bodyguards', stop. That's been done. Richelle Mead built the idea of bodyguards into her world building. The Royals and Dhampirs were intricately intertwine and there was a history. Think of your history. Why has this castle situation evolved? How is it vampires and dhampirs co-exist within this castle? Why? What happened to bring this arrangement around?
I do think you can have Royals as a concept but do something different with the idea. When it boils down to it both Richelle Mead and Stephanie Meyer had Royals. They just did something different. This is the hard part, and we can guide you (which we're happy to do) but only you know your story best and only you can come up with your 'something different'.
Good luck with it, I'm your target reader! I'd like to see what you come up with, but take care with too many Vampire Academy similarities, you want to piggyback onto her readers not turn them off. Readers are fickle beasts.
Writers_Magic, you're still describing a scenario to Richelle Mead's Vampire Academy. I've read them all, and so far, I'm yet to see your twist on a tale already told. Ask the 'what if' question to come up with your twist. I think the key question is, what are they training for? And before you say, 'bodyguards', stop. That's been done. Richelle Mead built the idea of bodyguards into her world building. The Royals and Dhampirs were intricately intertwine and there was a history. Think of your history. Why has this castle situation evolved? How is it vampires and dhampirs co-exist within this castle? Why? What happened to bring this arrangement around?
I do think you can have Royals as a concept but do something different with the idea. When it boils down to it both Richelle Mead and Stephanie Meyer had Royals. They just did something different. This is the hard part, and we can guide you (which we're happy to do) but only you know your story best and only you can come up with your 'something different'.
Good luck with it, I'm your target reader! I'd like to see what you come up with, but take care with too many Vampire Academy similarities, you want to piggyback onto her readers not turn them off. Readers are fickle beasts.
Miles Lacey
Archmage
Essentially the story sounds like a British school story with fantasy/supernatural elements and there's nothing wrong with that. J K Rowling made a fortune from this genre in the Harry Potter series. The Buffy the Vampire Slayer series was based on the American version of this genre (i.e the high school with fantasy/supernatural elements).
The mere fact Dhampir are of mixed blood provides a lot of opportunities for great story lines and many of those story lines can come from real life examples. You could look to the real life examples of how people of mixed race in apartheid-era South Africa and in much of the United States before desegregation laws were introduced in the 1960s for ideas about how your character Paige Ross is treated.
Here's a few ideas I tossed together that could answer the original question of what occupation your Dhampir could do:
What if the school Paige Ross attends was only recently desegregated and that many of the teachers, instructors and students want the Dhampir to be kicked out because they are seen as mongrel beasts who have no business in their ranks? As a result she faces humiliations and tests that full blooded vampires don't have to face. What if she discovers that the segregationist teachers have jacked things up so that the criteria Dhampir need to graduate is nearly impossible to meet? This means she has to work harder to get grades that others can get a lot easier. What if they hate Paige in part because her father in the Vampire version of Parliament or Congress passed the deciding vote that banned segregation? As a result she's blacklisted in the city where she studies and the only place she could get a job which she can fit in with her studies is in a second hand store run by a werewolf who is nothing like what the Academy teaches and what vampires have been led to believe....
BTW find a name for your character that doesn't sound like an American girl next door. The whole "cute but deadly" girl thing has been done to death many times over. It's almost as bad as the "traumatised girl who kicks ass" character.
The mere fact Dhampir are of mixed blood provides a lot of opportunities for great story lines and many of those story lines can come from real life examples. You could look to the real life examples of how people of mixed race in apartheid-era South Africa and in much of the United States before desegregation laws were introduced in the 1960s for ideas about how your character Paige Ross is treated.
Here's a few ideas I tossed together that could answer the original question of what occupation your Dhampir could do:
What if the school Paige Ross attends was only recently desegregated and that many of the teachers, instructors and students want the Dhampir to be kicked out because they are seen as mongrel beasts who have no business in their ranks? As a result she faces humiliations and tests that full blooded vampires don't have to face. What if she discovers that the segregationist teachers have jacked things up so that the criteria Dhampir need to graduate is nearly impossible to meet? This means she has to work harder to get grades that others can get a lot easier. What if they hate Paige in part because her father in the Vampire version of Parliament or Congress passed the deciding vote that banned segregation? As a result she's blacklisted in the city where she studies and the only place she could get a job which she can fit in with her studies is in a second hand store run by a werewolf who is nothing like what the Academy teaches and what vampires have been led to believe....
BTW find a name for your character that doesn't sound like an American girl next door. The whole "cute but deadly" girl thing has been done to death many times over. It's almost as bad as the "traumatised girl who kicks ass" character.
Saigonnus
Auror
Truthfully I can see them as almost anything. An interesting idea could be a librarian that searches for and hoards ilicit knowledge. Inevitably some of the students need that information during the story and have to perform a quest or task in exchange.
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- #38
Writer’s_Magic
Sage
Saigonnus At the moment I got bodyguard and monster hunter as two possible jobs.
Writer 1 Gregory
Dreamer
This is a very interesting thread to read and definitely a very helpful one! A lot of people have already pointed out the similarities with the Vampire Academy series and while I haven't read them I do somewhat agree. I also do have to admit that the idea of having the protagonist just be a student is a very good idea because of the limitations that being a student entails. What are the rules at this school and how are violations penalized? Are there any cliques that the protagonist observes or is a part of? i.e. a sorority or special club or something similar.
Here are some general suggestions for your story as a whole:
These are just a few suggestions, I hope you find them helpful.
Here are some general suggestions for your story as a whole:
- Establish the backstory early on. How did the human population find out about vampires and other beasties? What are their views on these creatures? Are they afraid of them? Jealous of them? Distrustful of them? A bit of everything?
- Following my previous suggestion, establish the lore surrounding the supernatural populace, what are the rules for the vampires and their society? What are their strengths and weaknesses? What are possible dangers to them? How do they view themselves in comparison to the werewolves and the humans and any other supernatural creature you choose to include?
- Establish how the different societies act. How do the vampires operate as a society? Is there a class system in place with a ruling party at the head; who is in charge? How does that class system work? What are the different levels of the system? How do the vampires sustain themselves (surely they can't be ripping human throats out)? - do the same thing for the humans and the werewolves and you should be set.
- How does the school operate? Is it a military school for training spies and soldiers and other military personnel? Do they work in secret or do they work with the human law enforcement agencies? i.e. the FBI, Texas Rangers? Someone else? The more info you have on the school the easier it'll be for your reader to visualize what's happening. Maybe have it set up so that the vampires go to human schools for a while and then move into a more specific school depending on what is available to them? Note: this ties into the class system.
- Here's an important question: who is your protagonist? I'm not talking about her name and age or what she looks like. What I'm talking about here is who she is as a person. What are her likes/dislikes? i.e. does she like to drink apple juice, orange juice or coffee in the morning? What are her interests? Is she interested in music? film? Maybe she wants to be an author herself? What is she good at? Is she good with technology and getting information? Is she good at martial arts (maybe she's got black belts in Karate and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, I don't know)? How does she interact with the other students at the school? Do they get along with her or do they look down on her? Is she stronger or weaker than a proper vampire?
- Finally, what is available to her? This ties into my last question as perhaps because she's a dhampir she isn't as strong as the full vampires. Maybe she doesn't share their views on particular topics and what they consider normal she finds disgusting. Maybe she's looked down on for being half human and as such can only get the lowest possible employment because of her parentage.
These are just a few suggestions, I hope you find them helpful.