When is 'telling' appropriate?

[Chessie]

Hi everyone, I know there's been several of these threads going around but I have a specific question: Is it OK to do some telling in the parts of a story where time passes/is going forward? How do you as a writer handle these passages?

I tend to tell more in these instances although I do my best to ground the writing and provide strong images. But this has always confused me about writing stories. Time passes for characters and I get sick of writing "...three days later..." or whatever.

What are your thoughts on this? And thank you very much.

 

[Butterfly]

Showing doesn't mean to show everything. Show emotion, reactions. Use it to place your reader right there in the action.

Telling is for giving information such as time passing, narrative summaries, anything else that would take too many to show happening, like three days going by without much happening that is relevant to the plot. All this can easily be summarised in a few sentences, so don't worry about writing rings around it, or writing reams of stuff to avoid telling a few things.

You need a balance, one that serves to bring greater clarity to things like this.

A few blog posts to explain further. (I know, you've seen the links before, but I love this blog, I learned so much from it).

This Itch of Writing: Showing and Telling: the basics

This Itch of Writing: Are you Showing too much?

 

[BWFoster78]

Some on this board will say that showing is nearly always preferable while others will say that you can tell anytime you want to. I belong to the faction that says that showing is usually much more effective at engaging the reader than telling is. I find telling is, however, useful for two instances:

1. Scene transitions as you desribe. Telling is absolutely great for conveying that a whole bunch of boring stuff happened between the end of the last scene and the start of the next one. Obviously, you have the choice of simply cutting the last scene off, but a transition is, imo, an absolutely valid choice.

2. When clarity is needed. I like to tell the reader what is going on inside my character's head. Perhaps showing would be more effective at this as well, but I tried that route. It didn't turn out well.

 

[Philip Overby]

One thing I've done, not sure how successful this is or not, is that I do a scene break. For example:

Leonard wiped the blood on his pants and stared off in the distance toward the tower. He'd hate to have to interrupt the wizard's lunch.

SCENE BREAK

The wizard sputtered out a piece of bacon. "Leonard? How many times have I told you to wash your hands before knocking my door.

Something like this can show a passage of time without showing Leonard actually walking the whole distance to the tower if nothing interesting happens along the way.

Some may say "never tell" and some may say "tell sometimes" or whatever. That's how most of these threads go. I assume if your characters are traveling, you could have some kind of landmarks to indicate how far they've traveled without saying "three days passed."

Maybe say something like:

"The Tower of Burning Hatred is at least three days ride from here," Morland said.

LATER

The Tower of Burning Hatred burned with a pale fire in the distance. I now understood where the burning part came from, but not the hatred.

"I hate this stupid tower." Morland threw a pebble in the direction of the tower.

"Ah, now I get it," I said.

Maybe using landmarks could help or just have characters mention how long they've traveled when you can. This can avoid telling if that's what you want to do. However, if you're writing from a deep POV, I don't think it matters too much if you tell sometimes.

Three days and I still hadn't eaten. Milkweed wasn't cutting it anymore. If I had to eat one more piece, I might just start gnawing on my leather armor to satisfy my urges.

Just some suggestions.

Edit: Got ninja'd. Maybe some of the above mentioned the same things I did.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

Chesterama,

I have a question for you. Is it necessary, for the story, to show that time has passed in a very clear, and stated way? Or, can you cleverly show that time has passed (kind of like Phil has depicted)?

A lot of time I see writers thinking they need to account for everything, like time, food eaten along a trail, etc. In my opinion, it just isn't so. The passage of time, for example, is usually boring. It's filled with mundane activities that have no relevance to the tale your reader wants, other than showing how a character got from point A to point B, how they just waited for the next relevant event, or whatever (you can have things like character development during these periods but I'd consider that a relevant event).

So my advice mirrors Mr. Alfred Hitchcock's:

“Drama is life with the dull parts left out.”

Now I know that's pretty basic advice but I think it may apply here. Bear with me if you're shaking your head "No".

In the book I'm currently writing, I have a scene where a large party of soldiers are traveling a long distance. They're marching a long road from one fortified city to another. Because of some nefarious happenings, there are also refugees from other towns these soldiers also have to contend with, and they don't have the necessary supplies. Along the way they are attacked by some rather hideous creatures they don't fully understand.

Now, I don't want to show everything along the way. That would be incredibly boring. It doesn't involve the reader's mind by allowing them to deduce that time and distance has passed. It also is boring, and too long winded, to write about every bend in the road, each group of refugees they stumble across, what they eat, etc.

Rather, I'll use jumps ahead in time that allow the readers to understand that time and distance have passed, but I want to do so in a way that is invisible but also clear. In this particular instance, right before the attack, the men were still well rested, and well fed. They were in good health. The chapter ends as the attack commences in the middle of the night. The men notice some very strange things (dark magic they don't understand) and then the physical attack of odd creatures. But, I'm only showing the suspense leading up to the attack, the confusion, and the initial physical assault.

The next chapter, from this POV, begins by showing the group of soldiers diminised in number and vitality. They are battered, beaten, and weary. They've started to slaughter horses for food...but they are almost to their destination as they can see the walls of the city on the horizon. I could've shown all the fighting and struggles from point A to B but I didn't think that was necessary. It isn't story relevant because what happened in between isn't the story, it's what happened leading up to the assaults, and where they're going (plus what they'll find when they get there - not what they'd hoped) that's important. Showing the change in thinking, the lessening of numbers, the change in a survivor's physical sensations (like injuries and weariness) establishes that these things have happened and that time and distance has passed.

But, this technique also serves another purpose. It provides a suspense point. Stopping the story at the point of suspense (like the attack in this case) should raise questions in the reader's mind, if done well. It should make them want to read on and find out what happens next. Of course, they may have to wait until they get back to that particular POV. I find this technique to be very useful and effective.

Show what is important. Just because there is action doesn't mean it is relevant action. Learn to decipher which story elements are necessary and show them. Skip the boring, irrelevant bits.

I hope this helps.

 

[Chessie]

Awesome, thank you for the responses because they are all helpful! Phil, I liked very much the example you gave and I haven't tried it that way, but I'll play with doing so now.

TAllen, you're right, I do feel sometimes that I should have to tell every bit of mundane activities but I always go back and delete, then write it again. I wouldn't want to read that either! I love stopping my chapters in suspense it really helps drive the opening of the next scene.

I sometimes do a passing of time narrative where I try to be clever about the way I write these activities, but I'm realizing it may be rather dull to those who read it. Oh, and BW: I also have tried not telling when it comes to showing what characters are thinking but I find it very difficult to...not tell. It seems so unnatural to me.

 

[Mythical Traveller]

I agree with Phil. A reader won't make a fuss about a scene break separating two parts of a story that clearly have some significant length of time passing between them. I think by default they'll assume that nothing worth mentioning happened in the interim.

Unless you indicated earlier in the story that in between point A and point B, the protagonists would have to overcome some major obstacle, it's perfectly fine to just jump from the end of one relevant scene to the beginning of the next.

 

[BWFoster78]

T.Allen asks:

Is it necessary, for the story, to show that time has passed in a very clear, and stated way? Or, can you cleverly show that time has passed (kind of like Phil has depicted)?

His point, which I definitely agree with, is that, if something doesn't belong in the story, simply leave it out. I endorse that philosophy wholeheartedly.

However, I still think that the summarization paragraph that utilizes telling to transition between scenes is a legitimate technique. Here's why:

1. Pace. Jumping between scenes, to me, speeds up pace where the transition paragraph slows it down. If you want/need to slow pace there, then you should consider the transition paragraph.

2. Conveying legitimate story concepts. To me, the transition paragraph is a fantastic place to reveal important plot/character information that you need to put in but you want to de-emphasize. Great place to hide the eventual murder weapon: Miss Plum spent a hour polishing the candlestick to a high glass shine while the others...

3. Style. To me, breaking scenes too much can give the flow of the piece a bit of a choppy feel where a well-written transition paragraph can smooth the jump from one scene to another.

I'm sure there are other reasons as well, but that's three off the top of my head. I'm not advocating for you to use one or the other, just trying to clarify that there are reasons to use both methods.

EDIT: Crap, forgot an important one I wanted to bring up:

4. Story space. Yes, you can cleverly indicate that time has passed, but, if you need that time passage to stand out, devoting more story space to the time passage is a good way to do it.

 

[Chessie]

BW, thank you for bringing those points up. You summarized every reason why I use the time telling paragraph. It doesn't need to be more than a few sentences either. One thing I enjoy about said passages is that it shifts the perspective of the story for me. It reminds me that there is still a narrator, kind of like a camera moving out of a close up and allowing me to see the larger picture.

 

[Helen]

Hi everyone, I know there's been several of these threads going around but I have a specific question: Is it OK to do some telling in the parts of a story where time passes/is going forward? How do you as a writer handle these passages?

I tend to tell more in these instances although I do my best to ground the writing and provide strong images. But this has always confused me about writing stories. Time passes for characters and I get sick of writing "...three days later..." or whatever.

What are your thoughts on this? And thank you very much.

I'm always reminded of the scene in Star Wars where Ben Kenobi tells Luke who his father was. All tell.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

I still think that the summarization paragraph that utilizes telling to transition between scenes is a legitimate technique. Here's why:

1. Pace. Jumping between scenes, to me, speeds up pace where the transition paragraph slows it down. If you want/need to slow pace there, then you should consider the transition paragraph.

Pacing is certainly a valid reason to detail the passage of time. Still, something relevant should occur in this scene.

2. Conveying legitimate story concepts. To me, the transition paragraph is a fantastic place to reveal important plot/character information that you need to put in but you want to de-emphasize. Great place to hide the eventual murder weapon: Miss Plum spent a hour polishing the candlestick to a high glass shine while the others...

Yes, important and relevant happenings.

3. Style. To me, breaking scenes too much can give the flow of the piece a bit of a choppy feel where a well-written transition paragraph can smooth the jump from one scene to another.

I can see the point here, but there are a lot of variables in play. If an entire chapter is devoted to a single POV in a book that has multiple POVs, it's probably going to feel like jumping from one to the next. However, utilization of transition paragraphs like you're describing is a valid technique and another tool we can use to keep things from feeling repetitive.

4. Story space. Yes, you can cleverly indicate that time has passed, but, if you need that time passage to stand out, devoting more story space to the time passage is a good way to do it.

Can you give an example of when you might need the passage of time to stand out? I'm not understanding this point.

One thing I enjoy about said passages is that it shifts the perspective of the story for me. It reminds me that there is still a narrator, kind of like a camera moving out of a close up and allowing me to see the larger picture.

A perfectly reasonable stylistic choice. Mixing these types of scene transitions with the more abrupt endings could be used to good effect.

 

[BWFoster78]

Can you give an example of when you might need the passage of time to stand out? I'm not understanding this point.

Let's say that your story is flowing along pretty regularly from day to day. Then, all fo a sudden, you need to skip a day or week or whatever. If the reader hasn't been prepared for a time skip, I feel that a transition paragraph where you give the time skip adequate space can be a better way to do it.

It's all about reader expectations. If you set up early in the story that you're skipping a lot, you shouldn't have any issues with it. If it's out of the blue, I think there's a good likelihood a creating that "wait, what?" moment.

Another reason would be if the time skip plays an important role in the story. If your MC goes from young to old, you may want to devote story space to the transition rather than simply saying, "He's old, now."

 

[Svrtnsse]

Can you give an example of when you might need the passage of time to stand out? I'm not understanding this point.

I'm sort of doing this in my current WIP to put some extra emphasis on how everyone everywhere is chilling and taking it easy during the Restday afternoon nap. I have a fairly long scene about what happens at the start of the afternoon and it ends with my MC falling asleep. The next scene begins with him waking up a few hours later.
I could have just cut from when he falls asleep to when he wakes up but it didn't quite feel right. I wanted to try and communicate something about the peace and quiet of the Restday afternoon. It's an important part of anfylk culture and this was an opportunity to show it off.
I'm going for the kind of vibe you sometimes get in movies when the camera zooms out and shows the bigger picture, or when it swaps from person to person showing them going about their everyday lives (just like Chesterama says).

During this time nothing happened, but it was important to me to underline the way in which that nothing happened.