irinaabraham
Acolyte
I have been changing the first chapter over and over.... rewriting, reshuffling....
I am posting a couple of paragraphs from two options... please, weigh in friends on what kept your attention more... thank you!
Option 1:
Sol felt sensation come back into his body, his every atom reemerging from the thickness of his dreams. He opened his eyes and smiled at the stars above him, stretching with pleasure.
He looked around. It was the darkest time. He was no stranger to it, having taken walks during the magical hours when every nature spirit was there to speak to anyone who could hear. But he wasn’t the only one awake this time. Even in the dark, Sol could tell that the village was alive with movement, people leaving their habitations, ready for Clarity. “Clarity,” he mouthed.
He had been awakening at this hour for weeks now, walking through the woods, dipping into the lake, hoping for a message from the stars, the nature spirits, the sylphs, or the Sun. And yet, Clarity was here and all he had ever gotten was the dreaded dream. He was grateful that the dream did not come back that night. There was hope then.
Option 2:
A faint, pleasant sound of wind chimes brought Tali’s consciousness back. She opened her eyes and observed the light in her room change from pitch black to dark blue, then to purple, pink, orange, yellow, and finally, white. The automatic blinds started coming up, letting the daylight in. Tali smiled at the view of a waterfall.
She lingered in bed for a few moments, enjoying the sight of the glittering water. Despite the dreamless pill, Tali hadn’t slept very well. Mismatched, chaotic images pursued her all night: strange creatures that looked painfully familiar spoke in languages she was afraid to understand, mist-wrapped landscapes of emerald-green grass and purple lakes morphed into ominous forests….
“You seem worried, Tali,” the AI's friendly voice weighed in. “May I remind you that worries are empty creations of your mind. Mandorla is perfectly safe and no human has any reason to be anxious here. Would you like a rebalancing?”
Tali rubbed her chest and nodded.
“Rebalancing performed,” Nota informed.
“Thank you, Nota, I feel much better.” Tali stretched her lips in a wide smile.
The truth was she didn’t feel a thing. The electromagnetic wave that the wePartner bracelet had sent to her brain was supposed to rebalance its chemistry, putting her mind at ease, relaxing her muscles. Only it hadn’t worked. For weeks now, Tali hadn’t been herself.
I am posting a couple of paragraphs from two options... please, weigh in friends on what kept your attention more... thank you!
Option 1:
Sol felt sensation come back into his body, his every atom reemerging from the thickness of his dreams. He opened his eyes and smiled at the stars above him, stretching with pleasure.
He looked around. It was the darkest time. He was no stranger to it, having taken walks during the magical hours when every nature spirit was there to speak to anyone who could hear. But he wasn’t the only one awake this time. Even in the dark, Sol could tell that the village was alive with movement, people leaving their habitations, ready for Clarity. “Clarity,” he mouthed.
He had been awakening at this hour for weeks now, walking through the woods, dipping into the lake, hoping for a message from the stars, the nature spirits, the sylphs, or the Sun. And yet, Clarity was here and all he had ever gotten was the dreaded dream. He was grateful that the dream did not come back that night. There was hope then.
Option 2:
A faint, pleasant sound of wind chimes brought Tali’s consciousness back. She opened her eyes and observed the light in her room change from pitch black to dark blue, then to purple, pink, orange, yellow, and finally, white. The automatic blinds started coming up, letting the daylight in. Tali smiled at the view of a waterfall.
She lingered in bed for a few moments, enjoying the sight of the glittering water. Despite the dreamless pill, Tali hadn’t slept very well. Mismatched, chaotic images pursued her all night: strange creatures that looked painfully familiar spoke in languages she was afraid to understand, mist-wrapped landscapes of emerald-green grass and purple lakes morphed into ominous forests….
“You seem worried, Tali,” the AI's friendly voice weighed in. “May I remind you that worries are empty creations of your mind. Mandorla is perfectly safe and no human has any reason to be anxious here. Would you like a rebalancing?”
Tali rubbed her chest and nodded.
“Rebalancing performed,” Nota informed.
“Thank you, Nota, I feel much better.” Tali stretched her lips in a wide smile.
The truth was she didn’t feel a thing. The electromagnetic wave that the wePartner bracelet had sent to her brain was supposed to rebalance its chemistry, putting her mind at ease, relaxing her muscles. Only it hadn’t worked. For weeks now, Tali hadn’t been herself.
Myth Weaver
thank you.
