Help me resolve my Little Mermaid retelling

[Trailofstardust]

I've got a personal project which is kind of a retelling of The Little Mermaid, set in a world based on the Bronze age mediterranean. In this setting there's a human kingdom based on ancient Phoenicia and Minoa, and a merfolk kingdom beneath the Ocean.
The human kingdom is wealthy and prosperous due to being a major center of trade, and the weather is nearly always perfect for ships to leave to and from the coast, but there's a catch: every year they have to provide tribute to the merfolk, vast amounts of wealth and food offerings cast into the middle of the ocean for their finned gods; failure to provide would yield retribution as the seas churn, sinking every ship that tries leaving the coast.

In this world, merfolk royalty have the power of manipulating the weather, and have used it to make themselves gods to the humans.

However, one day the mermaid princess Nerine befriends the human prince Abdhamon. Both are the overlooked child in their respective families; Nerine for being smaller than the rest of her siblings, Abdhamon for being less bold and brave than his.
The problem is, Nerine's parents oppose their relationship because they refuse to treat humans as their equals.

The merfolk look more similar to Abe Sapien or The Asset than Ariel, being completely covered in scales and have gills, which plays some part in their disgust at the idea of a romance with a human.

An interesting contrast with Disney's The Little Mermaid is that in this world, rather than fearing humans and things from land, the merpeople value human artifacts as commodities they are more than happy to receive, but have no respect for humans themselves.
Unlike most of her people, Nerine actually find humans interesting and not merely something to extract resources from, which makes for an interesting comparison with Ariel.

My idea is that the plot is kick-started when Nerine, who feels that she could only get acceptance in the human world, goes to the sea-witch-in this case her grandmother, an ancient hag who lives in the deep ocean-to become human and stay in the human world.

I've been trying to think of a way to end the story in a satisfying way, and one potential problem is the question of to what extent the status-quo needs to change. One idea I had is to explore the power imbalance in Nerine and Abdhamon's relationship since Nerine's family is essentially subjugating Abdhamon's people, but from the perspective of a bronze age society gods have a right to do that, which brings me to how to resolve power imbalance, or if it needs to be resolved at all to be commit to the theme enough.

I thought that the merfolk royal family could learn a lesson about not overlooking their smallest child, and start respecting humans more after the humans save her, but at the same time the story would still end with an imbalance of power. Even if the humans learn that their "gods" aren't truly divine, that doesn't change the power they hold over them.

The imbalance of power will still be in favor of the merfolk due to having access to magic while the human's don't. Therefore, humans and merfolk won't become equal, it would be more like learning to treat your dog better.

I would like to ask for input on my idea, and some suggestions on how to resolve the conflict in my story.

Finally, while I know the answer, I would like to ask whether the merfolk royals in my story are less sympathetic than Disney's Triton; while Triton's hatred of them is based on seemingly ungrounded fear, possibly caused by trauma, the source of Nerine's parents prejudice is ultimately a justification for subjugating them.

 

[Prince of Spires]

If you haven't yet, I would suggest you read the original Little Mermaid story, by Anderson. Part of it might help answer your question, since in the end of that, nothing is actually resolved and the status quo doesn't change. It's a story that leaves the reader with a sad, empty feeling. Which is perfectly fine.

Then I would ask what your plot and conflict actually are. Because what you've told us is not so much the plot as it is a single event in the story (two actually). Namely, mermaid meets human, and mermaid becomes human.

From there you can go in all sorts of different directions. It can be anything from a love story to a political drama to a cosy mystery where she opens a fish and chips shop by the sea side and has to solve the murder of one of her customers. A novel will have something like 20-40 scenes in it, which all build on one another. It's hard to say how your story will end based on 2 of them.

It also very much depends on the story you want to tell. If you want to write a story about how religion is a way of surpressing people and about how all powerful the church is in deciding what people think, then perhaps not having anything change makes that message a lot more clear. But if you want to lean more into the Disney-fairytale feeling, then you probably do want to resolve stuff.

Finally, while I know the answer, I would like to ask whether the merfolk royals in my story are less sympathetic than Disney's Triton; while Triton's hatred of them is based on seemingly ungrounded fear, possibly caused by trauma, the source of Nerine's parents prejudice is ultimately a justification for subjugating them.

I'm not sure the answer can be given just yet. It all depends on your story and how you resolve it. In the end, in the Disney film, Triton is still an ass. He only changes his mind because someone saves the life of his daughter and kills the big bad-guy. There isn't much redemption there. We just go along with it because it benefits the main characters and it's presented as this heroic change of heart.

You can do the same with your characters. It all comes down to how you tell the story and what justifications you give for stuff. As readers, we can accept almost anything. Just to give two examples of where viewers root for thieves and murderers. Watch Ocean's 11 and Inglorious Bastards. One is about a group of thieves robbing and conning people, and the other is about a group of soldiers going on a murdering rampage. But we root for them not because they're great and wonderful people, but because the story tells us they're the heroes we should root for in that story.

 

[Finchbearer]

I agree with Prince of Spires with the advice of reading the original Anderson story and step outside of the Disney-fied version.

The best animated adaptation in my opinion is the anime from the 1970’s directed by Tomoharu, and this is a fairly faithful adaptation including the bittersweet ending. I loved it as a child and much preferred it to the Disney version. I’m not sure what it says about me but Ariel remains distinctly melancholy and does die at the end.

 

[SamazonE]

If it is a retelling, then it needs some of the same elements. You could kick Sebastian to Flounder and get away with it. I think if it is true to the legend then King Triton needs to be in it. This Abdhamon guy goes through the ordeal, of Nerine and her transition from mermaid to human, though it is up to you whether he recognises it or not. In the canon she loses the power of her voice, which allows for the deception.

I liked the original story, and I found it slightly erotic. Ariel could not talk for half of it. She seemed to exude innocence. Eric was in the same boat. The others saw their romance as some sort of trial. It is purely childlike at heart and charming. It was all those curious things that made it simple. The cave of treasures, the island of the seagull, the sunken statue. It was a tale of ingenuity and coming of age. I have not watched the adaptation nor read the book but the Disney rendition held a really tender spot in my imagination.

I am sure others boycotted the rest like I did.

Finally, while I know the answer, I would like to ask whether the merfolk royals in my story are less sympathetic than Disney's Triton; while Triton's hatred of them is based on seemingly ungrounded fear, possibly caused by trauma, the source of Nerine's parents prejudice is ultimately a justification for subjugating them.

I think the answer is in the words of Horatio Thelonious Ignacious Crustaceous Sebastian under the sea. However if there is any real threat mermaids will act one way humans will act another.

 

[pmmg]

Maybe you also need a retelling of 'a bugs life' to go with this.

 

[Prince of Spires]

If it is a retelling, then it needs some of the same elements. You could kick Sebastian to Flounder and get away with it. I think if it is true to the legend then King Triton needs to be in it.

If it's a retelling, then you need to be clear on which story you're actually retelling. In the original (by Andersen from 1837), there is no Sebastian, no Flounder, no cave with treasures, and Triton plays a minor role (I don't think he's even a named character) who doesn't show up at the end. Those are all Disney inventions. So if you're going for a retelling of the original, then they don't belong in the story at all.