Use of "Yeah": Yay or Nay?

[Tom]

Or would that be yeah?

Well, as usual, I just had a random piece of dialogue pop into my head fully formed while I was in the shower. And I then raised an eyebrow, my inner writer awakening to scream and ragestomp and basically tell me NO, under NO circumstances are you to use this dialogue!


Why?

Because it had the word "yeah" in it. Modern slang. My inner writer shivers in horror at the idea of modern slang being used in my high-ish fantasy novel.


Here's the full piece of dialogue, by the way. It's a scene where my MC Tomrin has just unlocked his magic and is panicking, hoping he won't kill anyone with it. A secondary character, Miekkhal, has experience with unruly magic and offers to help him control it.


TOMRIN: How do you live like this? How can you stand it?

MIEKKHAL: You feel it now, yeah? The fire in your veins? The fever-strength simmering just beneath your skin?

TOMRIN: It's terrible. I...I feel like a monster.

MIEKKHAL: I know. But I can help you chain it and bend it to your will.


I think my subconscious dialogue writer was going for a hint of a dialect in Miekkhal's voice with the whole "yeah" thing. It's a pretty common way to end a question where I live.

So what do you think? Should I keep the "yeah", or listen to my inner writer and do away with it?

 

[Heliotrope]

Lose it.

It could be:

You feel it now?

or

You feel it now, right?

Or depending on the age gap and relationship between the two,

You feel it now, boy?

I'm sure there will be more suggestions from other illustrious scribes…

 

[evolution_rex]

I would go with 'you feel it now, eh?', or what Heliotrope listed. Alternatively, you could say 'you feel it now, Mr. Krabs?' (sorry I had to).

 

[Heliotrope]

Unless they are German. In which case

"You feel it now, ja?" would work.

 

[Tom]

You feel it now, boy?

This wouldn't work, since they're roughly the same age.

Although, I can see Miekkhal calling him "pup" or something like that, seeing how he's been in the controlling-potentially-lethal-magic business since the ripe old age of nine.

 

[evolution_rex]

'you feel it now, yes?' also sort of works too, I think.

 

[Tom]

'you feel it now, yes?' also sort of works too, I think.

Eh, that one kind of feels too formal. Like something Thor would say--"You Midgarders still ride steeds into battle, yes?" Tony: No, Thor. Nowadays that's called cruelty to animals.

I'm kind of leaning towards keeping "yeah". To me it has this bite...this cynical edge to it that "yes" just doesn't have.

 

[MineOwnKing]

I would definitely keep it as yeah.

If you look at what Tomrin said: How do you live like this? How can you stand it?, then from this we instantly get a feel for the lingo.

It is semi modern lingo, which in this case can work excellent because it's not casual yet not old school formal either.

Because of this the use of yeah is acceptable and definitely is the only word suggested so far that sounds right.

 

[ccrogers3d]

In Fantasy, I think you should be allowed to do whatever feels true to your world and your characters (unless you also have an editor to please). The danger is if the reader finds the "yeah" jarring enough to disrupt his or her immersion in the narrative. You have to weigh the risks of that and decide if you want to keep the "yeah" or switch to an alternative.

 

[Penpilot]

There's nothing wrong with using modern-ish words in fantasy as long as they're not obviously anachronistic and don't kick you out of the story.

I doubt there are many authors, or any at all, that write dialogue that's 100% authentic to its period. Modern-ish things are needed for clarity because, daddy-oh, some lingo from the past just doesn't jive with modern audiences.

EG. Something I found by googling some old timey slang.

A whapper tried a goat's jig with a wagtail but he was milking the pigeon because his sugar stick was kickerapoo

Translation: A fat man attempted to make love to a loose woman but found it impossible because his manhood was past it...

I wouldn't judge the word on it's own. I'd judge it in the context of the dialogue in your scene. If the dialogue as a whole reads true, then don't worry about it. If that word kicks your reader out of the story, then it should go.

 

[Nimue]

In isolation, I don't think it works; namely, having "yeah?" right next to phrases like "The fire in your veins" and "The fever-strength simmering etc". The tone doesn't match up.

However, if you had already established the occasional "yeah" as part of Miekkhal's speech patterns, and it was part of a dialectical thing, it would probably pass at this point.

I would tread with a little caution because it sounds like you're bringing a regional assumption into your writing? I don't really get cynicism from that "yeah?". I get a "huh?", or a "right?" basically. Just keep in mind that something that small and cultural might not come across.

If I was re-writing this, I'd go with "You feel it now, don't you?" I just think that line of dialogue should be able to be read as intense, leading up to an intense line--not a casual, chatty remark.

 

[thedarknessrising]

Well, the thing with fantasy is that it's not really "history". None of it could happen in our past unless you explicitly say that it did. The slang of your world is entirely up to you to decide. I read your dialogue, and it sounded fine to me. It had a nice flow to it, and I didn't lose my sense of immersion. I think you'll be all right with keeping the word.

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

A whapper tried a goat's jig with a wagtail but he was milking the pigeon because his sugar stick was kickerapoo

This is why men can't say, "not tonight, I have a headache." Because the woman assumes his sugar stick is kickerapoo, and a week later you notice your vision is tinted blue because she's been slipping ground Viagra in your coffee...

Wait. What's the topic? Yeah, use "yeah" if it's how that character talks. As long as you're not going back and forth between semi-modern and pseudo-medieval, "yeah" is fine. If your character is always talking like "how dost thou fairst?" and just once does a fist pump and a fist bump while shouting "F--- YEAH!" then you goofed.

 

[Svrtnsse]

Why?

Because it had the word "yeah" in it. Modern slang. My inner writer shivers in horror at the idea of modern slang being used in my high-ish fantasy novel.

Free your mind.
I don't have a problem with it. I don't know enough about language to say whether people used "yeah" in place of "yes" back in the day, but does it really matter?
Originally, I was going to argue that it's fine to use it, because you're probably using plenty of other language constructs that are also comparatively recent anyway - you're just not aware of it. Then I thought again, and decided that what really matters is how you feel about it. Does the character speak that way, are you comfortable having the word in your story? If not, skip it.
If you decide to remove/replace the word, I'd argue you at least consider rewriting the whole passage, that way you'll be able to get it flowing more naturally even without the word - even though it may still be very similar.

 

[Tom]

In isolation, I don't think it works; namely, having "yeah?" right next to phrases like "The fire in your veins" and "The fever-strength simmering etc". The tone doesn't match up.

That's why my inner writer was so frustrated by it. It doesn't like inconsistency. But I'm trying to be more inconsistent when it comes to dialogue--juxtaposing modern and archaic language is kind of fascinating, and I want to experiment with it. I think that if I mix the dialogue styles consistently throughout the story, it won't appear anachronistic. (At least after getting used to it.)

However, if you had already established the occasional "yeah" as part of Miekkhal's speech patterns, and it was part of a dialectical thing, it would probably pass at this point.

I would tread with a little caution because it sounds like you're bringing a regional assumption into your writing? I don't really get cynicism from that "yeah?". I get a "huh?", or a "right?" basically. Just keep in mind that something that small and cultural might not come across.

Hmm. Good point. "Yeah?" is a really good way to get cynicism or sarcasm across in my region. Maybe not so much in others. It just never occurred to me that it's not more common--it just seems like the most natural expression for cynicism to me.

Wait. What's the topic? Yeah, use "yeah" if it's how that character talks. As long as you're not going back and forth between semi-modern and pseudo-medieval, "yeah" is fine. If your character is always talking like "how dost thou fairst?" and just once does a fist pump and a fist bump while shouting "F--- YEAH!" then you goofed.

There goes Sidekick again, trying to write Medieval dialogue...

In all seriousness, though, you're right. I want some anachronism, but not so much that it completely jars the reader right out of the story. A few revisions ago, I actually had pseudo-Medieval speech mixed in with extremely modern expressions, and it was just...no. Just not a good idea at all. This time around I'm keeping it more subtle.

Then I thought again, and decided that what really matters is how you feel about it. Does the character speak that way, are you comfortable having the word in your story? If not, skip it.

Yes, Miekkhal's speech is significantly more modern-sounding than some of the other characters', and there are places here and there where other bits of his dialogue feel like they're calling for "yeah" or some other modern expression.

After some thought, I realized that I am completely comfortable with having the word "yeah" in my story. It's my obsessive, overly critical Jerk Brain that has a problem with it. I need to learn to stop listening to it when it freaks out over things that aren't a big deal.

 

[skip.knox]

Hm. The really interesting juxtaposing bit sounds awfully close to writerly amusement. It may fascinate you, but if it throws the reader, then you have an audience of one.

I have another vote, though. How about "yah"? Much depends on context, of course, but if you have introduced "yah" earlier, or even some made-up word (single-syllable and short), then it would work fine. "Yeah" sounds modern to my ear.

 

[Tom]

Hm. The really interesting juxtaposing bit sounds awfully close to writerly amusement. It may fascinate you, but if it throws the reader, then you have an audience of one.

I know; that's why I've kept it a minimum. I've seen it in a few other stories, and thought it actually added to the dialogue rather than take away, so I wanted to try it to see if I could achieve the same effect.

 

[Nimue]

I'd agree with Skip, and ask: are you having some characters speak in a modern manner, and some speak more archaically, due to culture or background, or are you having your characters slide all over the range from archaic to modern because it's fun...and maybe because it's easier not to modulate the dialogue? If it's the latter, I think you are running the risk of annoying some readers. It'd certainly annoy me.

It really depends on the tone of your world. Maybe there is setting that could mix modes well, a place with overlapping cultures and classes. But you need to establish it well, and you need to make it clear to the reader that this is purposeful, and not carelessness or a gap in craft.

Not sure how you'd go about that, though. With my WIP I'm writing dialogue in a fairly formal tone most of the time, so my issue is completely the opposite--working in older words like "hie" and "'ware" without slipping completely into bad Shakespearean.

 

[Tom]

Yes. The anachronism is there for a purpose. Members of the more established native cultures of the setting tend to use more formal, archaic speech, while the newcomers' speech patterns are more modern and casual. I did this because I wanted an obvious distinction between the two--highlighting their opposing cultures and mindsets.

For younger characters of the native cultures, I decided to blend archaic and modern to illustrate how, despite attempts to stop it, the different cultures inevitably will influence each other and bleed together.

Miekkhal's speech patterns are a big part of his characterization, too. For the first part of the story he conforms to the formal speech of the culture he's been assimilated into. Later, when he starts to identify with his birth culture again, he adopts its more modern speech. I kind of want it to be a jarring change at first, to really underline his cultural about-face (it's supposed to come as a surprise to both Tomrin and the reader).

 

[Gryphos]

Personally I would keep the yeah. Unless, however, this is the only case where it would be used, in which case don't because it'll throw off the reader. Consistency is everything, after all.

But on the broader subject of modern dialogue in fantasy settings, I used to make an effort to avoid it. I didn't go full shakespeare, but I tried to maintain a sense of formality. Then one day I decided to stop caring and began to write using speech patterns I'd actually use in real life (obviously I still don't use any anachronistic language, though) and I found it quite liberating.

Because the way I see it, I understand modern speech patterns. I like to think I understand them very well, and I certainly understand them better than I do the speech patterns of Middle Earth. So, in deciding to use language I understand, I'm more able to manipulate it to convey nuanced meanings. And modern audiences will be more able to pick up on those nuanced meanings.