Feedback for my worldbuilding and magic system

[Shaarav]

From the Azelcor of Polarity were born two forces, Darozan of Light and Vozinar of Shadow. They were both brothers and wished creation. Creation would only be possible when vozinar's shadow was formed in darozan's light. However, Darozan wanted to create a completely animate world, whereas vozinar wanted a completely inanimate world. However, they knew creation wouldn't be possible without each other. So Vozinar agreed to the compromise, however keeping a different plan in mind. They made the world, the mountains, the seas, the plains. Deep inside the planet, Vozinar began accumulating his Shadow, a power which would wipe out all life off the planet. During this time, Darozan became the primary god of the people, as he had given part of his consciousness to make life. He was constantly surrounded by people worshipping him, performing rituals and sacrifices. Vozinar struck at the correct time. He unleashed the accumulated shadow. Darozan, now betrayed, attempted to save life and redirected the shadow towards the earth. This broke the earth, making massive worldapanning chasms in the planet. He put the shadow in the deepest parts of the chasms, and his own sunlight to counter it. Lastly, he sacrificed his own consciousness to imprison Vozinar in his own body, the sun. The prison is not permanent, because the shadow slowly spreads over the sun, and when it completely covers it, Vozinar will be released again

 

[Shaarav]

Power System

Sunlight

Sunlight is the external power used by the Shadow Arts.

Sunlight does not exist within the body of a practitioner. It is an external power that allows metaphysical Shadows to manifest and enables their manipulation to produce effects upon reality.

The amount of Sunlight consumed by a Shadowic ability depends on several factors, including the user's skill, the range of the manipulation, its duration, and the demands of the particular effect.

The exact means by which individuals gain access to Sunlight is not yet established.


Sunlight

Sunlight is the energy of Darozan and functions as a form of life energy.

Sunlight can exist as a solid, liquid, gas, or energy. Its state does not alter its fundamental properties, and it can be physically consumed in various ways, including being swallowed or inhaled.

Once consumed, Sunlight is held within the body until it is activated. When activated, Sunlight manifests externally as a glowing field surrounding the user.

Sunlight is gradually depleted through use.

Physical Effects

When activated, Sunlight enhances the body and its existing capabilities. It increases physical attributes such as strength, speed, jumping ability, and other forms of physical performance. It also enhances cognitive functions such as thought processing and sensory capabilities including sight, hearing, and smell.

The enhancement is multiplicative rather than equalizing. Sunlight amplifies a person's existing attributes proportionally. A person whose speed is naturally twice another person's speed will remain twice as fast when both are enhanced by the same degree of Sunlight.

Sunlight also possesses powerful restorative properties. Given a sufficient quantity of Sunlight, a person's body can heal injuries, scars, and even regenerate destroyed organs or lost limbs.

Sunlight and the Shadow Arts

The activation of Sunlight allows its energy to manifest around the user. Umbramancers manipulate their Shadows in this manifested Sunlight.

Individuals who cannot use the Shadowic Arts cannot manipulate metaphysical Shadows through Sunlight. They instead experience the inherent physical effects of Sunlight. However, the boosts of sunlight are also given to the umbramancers

Sunlight Dependence

Prolonged and heavy reliance on activated Sunlight can lead to dependence.

A person who has become accustomed to using Sunlight extensively may experience a dulling of their sense of life force when they are unable to access it. Physical and psychological dependence can develop.

The effects of dependence are not necessarily permanent. A person can gradually return to normal over time after losing access to Sunlight. However, severe dependence can make living normally without Sunlight increasingly difficult.

Sunlight itself does not cause permanent harmful effects through overuse.
Metaphysical Shadows

Metaphysical Shadows are fundamentally different from ordinary shadows produced by sources such as lamps or fire.

They are the reality-language Shadows associated with things in the world. A metaphysical Shadow contains the shape, identity, and properties of the thing it represents.

Metaphysical Shadows manifest only in the presence of Sunlight.

Because they are connected to the fundamental structure of reality, their manipulation can produce genuine changes rather than merely visual effects.

---

Shadow Arts

The Shadow Arts are the known magical practices that manipulate metaphysical Shadows.

Two Shadow Arts are currently known: Umbramancy and Shadow Copying.

Umbramancy

Umbramancy is the manipulation of one's own metaphysical Shadow.

An Umbramancer does not use their Shadow as a source of energy. Instead, they manipulate the Shadow itself, while Sunlight provides the power necessary for that manipulation to affect reality.

Shadow Movement

An Umbramancer can manipulate their Shadow to move or travel through Shadows.

Shadow Cloaking

An Umbramancer can manipulate their Shadow to conceal themselves.

Shadow Strikes

An Umbramancer can manipulate their Shadow to produce offensive attacks.

Shadow Shielding

An Umbramancer can manipulate their Shadow to create defensive protection.

Shadow Binding

An Umbramancer can manipulate their Shadow to restrain or immobilize another target.



Umbramantic Pairs

Umbramantic powers are always present in pairs. These pairs are:

1.Movement + Cloaking
Scout

2.Movement + Strike
Raider

3.Movement + Shielding
Guardian

4.Movement + Binding
Catcher

5.Cloaking + Strike
Assassin

6.Cloaking + Shielding
Watcher

7.Cloaking + Binding
Stalker

8.Strike + Shielding
Brawler

9.Strike + Binding
Warden

10.Shielding + Binding
Keeper




Umbramancy Limitations

Umbramancy requires skill. The effectiveness and precision of an Umbramancer's manipulation depend upon their mastery of the Art.

The range of Shadow manipulation increases with skill.

An Umbramantic effect can be maintained for as long as the user wishes, provided sufficient Sunlight remains available.

Sunlight consumption is affected by the range, duration, skill involved, and demands of the manipulation.

Umbramancy manipulates mortal Shadows. Mortal Shadows cannot reproduce the reality-creating capabilities of Vozinar 's divine Shadow.

---

Umbramantic imitation

Shadow Copying is the manipulation of another object's metaphysical Shadow and its copying onto a different target.

Because a metaphysical Shadow contains the shape, identity, and properties of the object it represents, a successful copy can cause the target to temporarily take on those characteristics.

For example, the Shadow of a sword can be copied onto a stone, causing the stone to become a functional sword.

Shadow Copying is currently limited to inanimate objects.

There is no compatibility requirement between the source and the target. The original nature, shape, or material of the target does not determine whether it can receive the copied Shadow.

The effectiveness and range of Shadow Copying depend upon the user's skill.

A copied Shadow can remain active for as long as the user wishes, provided sufficient Sunlight remains available to sustain it.

Sunlight consumption depends upon factors including range, duration, skill, and the demands of the copied Shadow.

A copied object can become permanent if it is infused with a sufficient amount of Sunlight.

The exact quantity of Sunlight required to make a copy permanent has not yet been established.

---

Ability Access

An individual capable of using Umbramancy may possess access to a pair of Umbramantic abilities along with one of the other two powers


Convogenis
Convogenis is the third Shadow Art, based on the combination and integration of Shadows.

Shadow Combination
The Shadow of one thing can be integrated into the Shadow of another.
For example, the Shadow of a rock can be integrated into the Shadow of a human. The human can then gain qualities associated with the rock, such as rock-like strength.
However, Convogenis does not simply grant a useful property while leaving everything else unchanged. The qualities and nature represented by the integrated Shadow become part of the target as well.
The human therefore becomes, to an extent, more like a rock.

Integration of Living Shadows
Convogenis can also integrate the Shadow of one living being into the Shadow of another.
This allows two living individuals to coexist through a single body while retaining their respective consciousnesses and identities to varying degrees.

Imprinting
The deepest known application of Convogenis is Imprinting.
A person's Shadow can serve as an imprint of the person themselves.
If a person has died, they can be recreated by forming their Shadow in Sunlight exactly as it was formed the first time.
This does not create a copy or clone. The resulting individual
is the same person themselves.
The Shadow is therefore not merely a duplicate of the person's appearance. It functions as an imprint through which the original individual can be recreated.


(Note: I'm thinking of changing umbramantic pairings to single umbramantic abilities. Give me your thoughts)

 

[RoccO]

The enhancement is multiplicative rather than equalizing.

Does that make it exponential?

I am interested in the differences between shadow and light as well as the difference between them. There is a simple beginning, and a simple ending, that is my belief, but does it end in light or shadow, that is my question. The powers between the two brothers appears to be a natural thought process. Does it begin and end in the same way again, is there a conduit of progress where the memory is not lost. The fact that you can open a door and create a universe and existence is not so difficult to imagine in a fantasy setting. Sci-fi seems to start in the same way, some big bang process of science and manipulation.

I thought it would be simple to create a world of good and evil and balance, but I started in a land of potential and fought the plot for what it could contain. A flying car is not so difficult to imagine, as long as there is balance. Perpetual motion a concept not difficult to animate, where balance is extracted from potential. More difficult is fighting, because there needs to be a winner, a dominant force, otherwise it is a free market. A free market would not be such a bad idea, but how would a beginning and end be conceived in a story like that?

Turning off a pantheon of gods that created a world might end it, but maybe not. That is sometimes what is the main fight with an MC and their quest, moving the hidden forces until a climax is reached, doing this as a side quest or sometimes in secret. The main motivation for this would be suffering but it might be cruelty. Seeing a journey continue in this way, you always come against adversity. It is often evil that wishes to supplant the pure hero, only to then exist as a heathen.

 

[Shaarav]

Does that make it exponential?

I am interested in the differences between shadow and light as well as the difference between them. There is a simple beginning, and a simple ending, that is my belief, but does it end in light or shadow, that is my question. The powers between the two brothers appears to be a natural thought process. Does it begin and end in the same way again, is there a conduit of progress where the memory is not lost. The fact that you can open a door and create a universe and existence is not so difficult to imagine in a fantasy setting. Sci-fi seems to start in the same way, some big bang process of science and manipulation.

I thought it would be simple to create a world of good and evil and balance, but I started in a land of potential and fought the plot for what it could contain. A flying car is not so difficult to imagine, as long as there is balance. Perpetual motion a concept not difficult to animate, where balance is extracted from potential. More difficult is fighting, because there needs to be a winner, a dominant force, otherwise it is a free market. A free market would not be such a bad idea, but how would a beginning and end be conceived in a story like that?

Turning off a pantheon of gods that created a world might end it, but maybe not. That is sometimes what is the main fight with an MC and their quest, moving the hidden forces until a climax is reached, doing this as a side quest or sometimes in secret. The main motivation for this would be suffering but it might be cruelty. Seeing a journey continue in this way, you always come against adversity. It is often evil that wishes to supplant the pure hero, only to then exist as a heathen.

First of all, thank you for replying. But i don't understand your question or feedback. If you could explain what your question is, ill try my best to answer it. Also, how do you like it until now? Because I've got more. This is part of an interconnected universe, like brandon sanderson's cosmere. So do tell me what your question is and whether you'll like to see more of this stuff

 

[RoccO]

I like how Umbramancy has ties to logic, but I do not see where it originates from. There are properties to the base elements, but the duopoly of their powers confuses. When you have one you have another, but how could you extract one and put another in its place? I suppose it is fantasy, though the existence of the brothers does not cancel it out. There are two forces, seperate though equal when you put them together. The powers are derivative from seperate elements, though more powerful together. The powers are used together, though only when combined.

I would have a story with the powers slowly separating in the MC, where they see something new in the magic they control. They could be cursed by the MC, where the powers no longer function together, and have a battle between them, of shadow and light. I would also resurrect the brothers to fight together, maybe relieving the dwellers of some of their problems, at the same time having a peaceful resolution to the story.

I am interested in the plot of the brothers, I think the Umbramancers should go through a journey of discovery. I want to see the brothers come back and use their powers against each other, separating the Umbramancers beside the MC, who still holds a grudge, but faithfully holds their anger till they can see a way to defeat evil, and have it all come to a close.

 

[Shaarav]

I like how Umbramancy has ties to logic, but I do not see where it originates from. There are properties to the base elements, but the duopoly of their powers confuses. When you have one you have another, but how could you extract one and put another in its place? I suppose it is fantasy, though the existence of the brothers does not cancel it out. There are two forces, seperate though equal when you put them together. The powers are derivative from seperate elements, though more powerful together. The powers are used together, though only when combined.

I would have a story with the powers slowly separating in the MC, where they see something new in the magic they control. They could be cursed by the MC, where the powers no longer function together, and have a battle between them, of shadow and light. I would also resurrect the brothers to fight together, maybe relieving the dwellers of some of their problems, at the same time having a peaceful resolution to the story.

I am interested in the plot of the brothers, I think the Umbramancers should go through a journey of discovery. I want to see the brothers come back and use their powers against each other, separating the Umbramancers beside the MC, who still holds a grudge, but faithfully holds their anger till they can see a way to defeat evil, and have it all come to a close.

I actually do have the plot decided. It's the return of Vozinar. And, these brothers are the gods, they're not the main characters, though Vozinar is the antagonist. The plot follows two people in different time periods, one before the chasms opened and one after. Would you like to know more?

 

[RoccO]

From the Azelcor of Polarity were born two forces, Darozan of Light and Vozinar of Shadow.

I would like to know of their father Azelcor, and if he exists beyond a world of earth and soil. Do the brothers have a battle that spans across the folk of their world, or do they battle in only one plotline.

 

[Shaarav]

I would like to know of their father Azelcor, and if he exists beyond a world of earth and soil. Do the brothers have a battle that spans across the folk of their world, or do they battle in only one plotline.

Oh no. Azelcor isn't their father. If you wanna know more about that, I'll have to tell you about my interconnected universe, the Corgenna. And the battle, it's part of the mythology. It's already happened, and we explore it's consequences here, such as the chasms. Some of the most important plot points are the consequences of the shadows and that battle, the shadow of the sun which consumes it, leading humans to survive using the sunlight deep in the chasms. So we explore wars, conflicts, politics, and the chasms themselves as a result of that divine conflict.

 

[RoccO]

So it is an apple falls far from the tree scenario or the opposite an apple does not fall far from the tree. I am thinking the chasms got to be some form of evil where the sunlight escapes or is not present. Is it like the polarity got to exercise its will before creation was a thing? Is it more political?

I imagined there was a force that preceded the duopoly, and that is where maps were drawn, and the laws created. I cannot see how a predecessor to life would feel existence or even think, but there might be a concept of time.

 

[Shaarav]

Did you read the mythology properly? The chasms are the sources of sunlight. Darozan stored it there during the conflict. And for your second one, yes, there was something that preceded the duopoly, that was the Azelcor, of the Aspect Polarity. There is a concept of time, but there was never a predecessor to life, atleast not a living one. You'll need to understand the higher mechanics of the Corgenna, some of which are in progress right now

 

[RoccO]

ndividuals who cannot use the Shadowic Arts cannot manipulate metaphysical Shadows through Sunlight. They instead experience the inherent physical effects of Sunlight. However, the boosts of sunlight are also given to the umbramancers

Is this the readers of the Corgenna, like a nativity for the ones who will do the farming, not in the pursuit of the shadow arts? It seems to me that Umbramancy is a thing, which contains elements of the Corgenna, but not blindfolded by a lack of knowledge. I assume the Corgenna, to be a book?

They made the world, the mountains, the seas, the plains. Deep inside the planet,

The chasms were probably created at this time. It seems like the world they wished to live in was a good story before they made it. The creation was thwarted by the chasm between them, and Voliznar was trapped inside. The Alzelcor has something to do with the Corgenna, am I right?

 

[Shaarav]

First of all, corgenna is the name of my interconnected universe, around 50 books. Your second observation is wrong, about the chasms. The chasms are scars of a divine conflict of the two gods. And you're right on the third one, the azelcor does have much to do with the corgenna. I don't understand your first question though, if you could repeat it please.

 

[pmmg]

Do you have any of those 50 books written?

I think for a magic system it is well designed. I am questioning how sunlight would be the energy behind shadow magic, since shadow is kind of what happens when sunlight is blocked.

As with all systems, it works if you are actively making it work and enforcing its rules. You will lose the story if characters start to exceed what has been laid out.

I too find Rocco hard to follow at times.

I am going to steer you back to story. Story trumps world building and magic systems. Now that you have thought all this up, what do you want to do with it?

 

[RoccO]

Because the chasms were meant to be explored in the book, I was wondering if there was a connection to a time before. The farmers of this land would have a religion of some kind would not they, in that case there may be a higher order than that they have a secret society that preaches umbramancy. This would probably split the society into class systems, where life is dedicated to work and toil, but the folk could use pitchforks and martial arts to defeat the orcs of Vozinar. Two separate plot lines is a cool idea, there could be treasures and relics in the caves or mining material like dwarves. Is this a classic DND story?

 

[Shaarav]

Do you have any of those 50 books written?

I think for a magic system it is well designed. I am questioning how sunlight would be the energy behind shadow magic, since shadow is kind of what happens when sunlight is blocked.

As with all systems, it works if you are actively making it work and enforcing its rules. You will lose the story if characters start to exceed what has been laid out.

I too find Rocco hard to follow at times.

I am going to steer you back to story. Story trumps world building and magic systems. Now that you have thought all this up, what do you want to do with it?

First of all, thank you for replying. No, I haven't written any of the 50 books, but I've planned most of them. And I've started writing the first book last week. Sunlight is the energy which makes the shadow work. See, this setting is based on a concept of Polarity, of Duality. Shadow magic isn't something seperate. If you read the mythology, you'll understand that everything is made of shadow and Sunlight. Sunlight only allows you to manipulate the shadows of stuff, whether it's your own or some object's.


As for your last question, this entire setting is one corgennum in my corgenna, an interconnected universe. A corgennum is like one unit, one star system in size, and it follows its own laws dictated by the Azelcor and the Aspect, Polarity in this case. For this corgennum, I've planned a trilogy and a standalone or two.


If you liked this, I have many more. 9 magic systems in fact, for different corgennums. This corgennum is like my third best.


Thank your for feedback