First Person POV question

[Incanus]

I'm wondering if anyone else has come across this problem before, and how you've dealt with it.

While writing my novella, I've found on a few occasions that my first-person narrator naturally wants to describe or talk about things in a way that is not ideal for storytelling. But if I always adhere to the classic storytelling 'rules', I'd end up stifling, or comprimising, the character.

Is there one of these that trumps the other? Or do I deal with it case-by-case, sometimes going with one, or the other?

I'm happy to provide a little more info about the story and character, if it would be helpful.

 

[Gryphos]

I'm curious as to what you mean by describing things in a way that's not ideal to storytelling. I think the question really hinges on that.

 

[Steerpike]

Yeah, best to provide an example of what you mean.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

Agreed... Also clarify what you mean by "stifling, or compromising, the character".

 

[Svrtnsse]

I think it's a matter of voice.

One of my beta readers remarked at one point about how my MCs thoughts were meandering quite a bit - but she also commented that they always do, so it probably didn't need to be changed.

I'm not sure it's about adhering to 'rules' as it is about maintaining a consistent voice. If you stick with the rules for the most part, but now and then give in to temptation and launch into a description that steps outside of the norm, that's likely to jar the reader. However, if you maintain a style that matches with the descriptions you like, then they'll fit in better with the whole, and you're less likely to bother the reader with it.
Additionally, you're also more likely to attract the reader that enjoys that kind of writing.

 

[Incanus]

Right. More info.

So, the character is a brilliant sorcerer (sorcery is something of a science in my world, though this is not understood by the average person). He is arrogant, self-absorbed, pedantic, scholarly, and wholly focused on his projects. He is mostly uninterested in 'people' issues like politics, society, or culture. Therefore, some of the things he would like to include in his account would be considered dry or static or not immediately relevant to the story at hand by many.

The main plot involves him building a device that opens a door to another dimension, and exploring it. This place is strange, colorful, and border-line surreal, which (I think) provides a great contrast to the character himself. He gets involved with events taking place there, but this is mostly a result of his seeking a means of return to his own world, something he can't do without learning the nature of the indigenous sorcery. In the end, he will be at least a little changed by his experiences, though.

The most obvious example of my problem: In the first part of the story, which is prologue-ish, he describes his laboratory, giving a list of the equipment, appurtenances, and articles there. This is the stuff HE thinks is important and interesting and shows his proclivities. I feel that if I pull out too much of this kind of material, it just won't be 'him'. That's what I mean by 'compromising'.

Keep in mind that this story is kind of 'old-school'. Its inspiration comes from something of a mash-up of Lovecraft (From Beyond, Dreamquest of Unknown Kadath) and Jack Vance (Green Magic), but with my own weird ideas, more unfettered than usual.

Thanks, folks, for taking the time to think about this stuff. Greatly appreciated.

 

[Steerpike]

I'd stick with the voice of the character. If those are the things he would naturally think about, then that's what I'd have him think about. I don't think you compromise the story. These passages are serving a purpose - characterization. They tell us something about this guy.

 

[Gryphos]

The way I see it, so long as you manage to keep all that stuff interesting and engaging, it's fine. One thing to watch out for though is repetition – make sure you don't end up repeating details, as that will bore the reader.

 

[Svrtnsse]

[...] Therefore, some of the things he would like to include in his account would be considered dry or static or not immediately relevant to the story at hand by many.

When you say 'many' here, do you refer to other inhabitants of the world, or do you refer to potential readers?

If you're referring to the inhabitants of the world, then I'd say you needn't worry. If the character himself is passionate about the things he's talking about, then it'll likely shine through to the reader and it will add to the depth of the story or the character in some way.

If you're referring to potential readers, then you may have some other issues instead:
If you think that the readers will find the descriptions boring, is it because they are, in fact, boring, or is it because you're targeting your story towards an audience that would find what you want to write boring?
If it's the first, then cut it out.
However, if you find that these descriptions are interesting or entertaining or relevant, than its up to you as a writer to present them to the reader in such a way that they come across as such. Maybe add in some back story, or personal experiences, little anecdotes or trivia-like facts.

 

[Velka]

Your sorcerer reminded me of Flavia de Luce (the first person POV) of Alan Bradley's novels. The way she describes her laboratory; the equipment, apparatus, even her experiments and schemes is in a breathless voice of awe and wonder and affection. What your character cares about and holds important, even if it is mundane or technical, can come across as absolutely thrilling and brilliant as long as you make the reader believe it is through the voice of your character. Her excitement and giddiness jumps off the page, even though I know nothing about chemistry. She loves it and it makes me love it for her.

Also, what your character doesn't comment on, or care about, communicated through their distain/bewilderment/omission, also speaks volumes about who they are.

 

[cupiscent]

Something that always bothers me about first-person POV - but that might be key to unlocking your issue here - is why is this character telling me their story? For me, a first-person narration is always inherently suspect, because if the character knows they're telling me the story, then they're going to be tailoring their narrative to their purposes (whether consciously or subconsciously). So I know I cannot 100% trust them, unless it's been established that unflinching truth is the point of the narrative. ("The man behind the light has said that if I deviate from the truth even a little, he will kill my family. I am their only chance for survival. Here we go...")

So my advice would be to frame everything - and especially description - through the narrator's objective in including it in the story. Is the sorcerer proud of the completeness of his laboratory? Just a nerd about equipment and really excited and wanting to tell you all about it (like a toddler with the latest Lego set)? Wants to emphasise how thorough and seriously he was taking this (as a distraction from how terrible his planning actually was)? Complacent about the how and wanting to rush on to what happened?

A strong and engaging voice is essential to a first-person story. Let the narrator's agenda set the tone, because that's the story you're telling.

 

[Incanus]

Very nice. I'd been leaning toward the 'character' side of the equation already, but found myself questioning it. Yeah, I'm sticking with the quirky character!

When you say 'many' here, do you refer to other inhabitants of the world, or do you refer to potential readers?

If you're referring to the inhabitants of the world, then I'd say you needn't worry. If the character himself is passionate about the things he's talking about, then it'll likely shine through to the reader and it will add to the depth of the story or the character in some way.

If you're referring to potential readers, then you may have some other issues instead:
If you think that the readers will find the descriptions boring, is it because they are, in fact, boring, or is it because you're targeting your story towards an audience that would find what you want to write boring?
If it's the first, then cut it out.
However, if you find that these descriptions are interesting or entertaining or relevant, than its up to you as a writer to present them to the reader in such a way that they come across as such. Maybe add in some back story, or personal experiences, little anecdotes or trivia-like facts.

I was a bit vague. Yes, I was speaking of the readers.

I've been developing a back-story to include in the second draft that fits squarely with the plot and style, and that gives a greater perspective on the character's motivations and subsequent observations in the other dimension. (A little backwards, starting this story with a thin back-story--it was just the nature of the beast.) And even now, I'm seeing how I can tie that back-story to the 'labratory equipment'--the connection will still be tenuous, but at least the passage should now be doing 'double-duty'.

 

[Svrtnsse]

A similar thing happened to me when I was rewriting a scene for the second chapter on my story. My MC is riding on a cart and with an old driver who talks a lot. The first time around, I basically just told the reader that "the old driver talked a lot" (okay, not quite that bad), but almost.
When rewriting it, after having completed the entire first draft, I had a lot more knowledge about the setting, and I could actually give the old driver lines to say that referred to incidents or events that would be mentioned further on in the story.
It was quite satisfying.

 

[Incanus]

Also, what your character doesn't comment on, or care about, communicated through their distain/bewilderment/omission, also speaks volumes about who they are.

Absolutely! And I've already consciously done this, at least once: He was traveling with a group and one member got lost. There is a discussion about whether or not they should try to find the person. My character talks positively about the missing person, but only in terms of how helpful they were to himself, and his project. I don't draw any special attention to it, but he says nothing about the feelings or plight of the missing person, or their inherent value as an individual. I think this scene really underlines how 'self-absorbed' the character is, in spite of himself: he doesn't even realize that is what he is doing, but the reader might pick up on it.

 

[Incanus]

So my advice would be to frame everything - and especially description - through the narrator's objective in including it in the story. Is the sorcerer proud of the completeness of his laboratory? Just a nerd about equipment and really excited and wanting to tell you all about it (like a toddler with the latest Lego set)? Wants to emphasise how thorough and seriously he was taking this (as a distraction from how terrible his planning actually was)? Complacent about the how and wanting to rush on to what happened?

A strong and engaging voice is essential to a first-person story. Let the narrator's agenda set the tone, because that's the story you're telling.

This is very much what I've been doing from the first page. Of course, I really don't know if I'm doing it very well, or not. So far, only non-writers have seen this WIP-story, but the consensus seems to suggest that I've been portraying this character convincingly.

 

[Svrtnsse]

Wordwalker just made this post in a different thread. I feel it's quite relevant to this topic as well.

 

[Mythopoet]

Incanus, your question inspired me to make this today:

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

I'd stick with the voice of the character. If those are the things he would naturally think about, then that's what I'd have him think about. I don't think you compromise the story. These passages are serving a purpose - characterization. They tell us something about this guy.

I agree with this. The things POVs notice, and the way they perceive those things, tell us a lot about the character. I would stick with the style, just make sure the items you choose do inform on character in some way. To do that effectively, the description must do more than merely describe setting. Otherwise, it may sound like the character rambling.

 

[Jabrosky]

I see an opportunity for humor here. Maybe your character is rambling on about his work and equipment, but at some point stops himself to ask if you're paying attention. Or he might not bother going into detail at all, instead condescendingly dismissing his audience as incapable of appreciating what he does. Just offering some possible options out of many...

 

[Incanus]

Awesome. You folks are the best! I've run out of Thanks to give, literally.

Great post by Wordwalker, thanks Svrtnsse. I've been pretty consistent with the tone and style, and that's something, but how effective it is, is another matter. I like to think that keeping at it has been helping me improve though, slowly but surely.

And Mythopoet put a smile on my face! I think it may just hang out there all day, too. Yeah, story first. When I'm done with it, I might take a look behind me to see how many 'rules' I trampled, purely for curiosity's sake of course.

That said, I love making connections between the various parts and pieces, as TAS implies. Even done subtly, I think this sort of thing strengthens ANY work. Second draft should provide lots of opportunities for doing this.

Jabrosky, I owe you a 'Thanks'. The whole piece has a bit of a whimsical, far-fetched feel, so there's a strange humour working in the background, but there are some more obvious bits as well. I'm going to decide later whether the account is apocryphal, or not. However, even in first person POV, I don't like addressing the audience directly, but the character often dismisses other characters, or becomes exasperated or frustrated by them. While in the text itself, there's a bit of this attitude: 'I'm not going to explain everything to you, if you can't keep up, that's your problem'.