Funniest (But serious) Dialogue you've written?

[Naruzeldamaster]

Sometimes even 'serious' discussion can turn out to be unintentionally funny. Somewhat like the 'language' moments in the Avengers. (The rest of the conversation is serious and then Steve throws out a 'language' comment)

For one of mine, the two characters in question are having a serious discussion about Aura and how to use it:
Phyra: Smartass...
Tobi: yes, my backside is about 25 percent smarter than other backsides, there's AI in my robotic legs that helps them repair minor internal damage. [completely deadpan with all the seriousness in the world]
Phyra: I Can't even [exasperated sigh]...nevermind.

This exchange was meant to be entirely serious, but I read it back and got a good chuckle out of it. Tobi has really been surprising me when I let him 'take the wheel' despite how logic driven he is.

 

[AlexS]

"You're a vulgar wench, aren't you? How can you get this drunk on three coppers?"
"It's an acquired skill."

 

[Naruzeldamaster]

"You're a vulgar wench, aren't you? How can you get this drunk on three coppers?"
"It's an acquired skill."

later in that same story.
Yang: [eavesdropping what's going on in Tobi's Dorm]
Tobi: oh...
Samus: Why'd you stop dear?
Tobi: It appears the bed is broken...
Samus: It's fine, we can get a new one.
Tobi: A stronger one, we have the technology.
Yang: ...I can't even...

 

[A. E. Lowan]

You know how we all have that bit of our writing that we just love? This is one of my favorites. These characters haven't appeared, yet, but soon. Book 4 sees them from a distance with a little Watch-This-Space wink or two. Book 4 is going to see a few of those.

We use italics for anyone not speaking the dominant language in a scene. Some will have seen this happen already, with sign language and Cuban Spanish. Here's our first intro to telepathy in the Books of Binding. Jo and Niki are noticeably entwined.

~~~


Niki looked positively delighted, and Jo could feel it in his mind. Her eyes widened in exasperation. No. No. No. Niki, we have to go home.

As usual, he ignored her. "We are strangers, exploring - "

If you say "strange new worlds" I'm going to strangle you.

" - our options. We would love a native guide, if you are available."

Wolf is going to kill me.

Live a little.

She raised her hands in preparation to smack Niki's head, and then remembered their audience, so she ran them through her hair in frustration instead. "Fine, you win," she muttered. She looked at this Lucien and smiled. It was a crappy smile and she knew it. She didn't fake smile well. "Take us to your leader, I guess."

"Am I translating that?" Niki asked with a cheeky grin.

"Do it and I'm telling Wolf I dropped you in transit. I don't care."

 

[minta]

“I’m not dying, I’m just temporarily losing relevance.” character calmly arguing ethics while bleeding out. xDD

 

[Badgerfrog]

“You needn’t worry, you may remain in the waiting room when we arrive at the palace.” She said.

Not funny out of context, but I got a chuckle out of ending a chapter with this line.

 

[Badgerfrog]

Found another one while editing. Sorry for double posting.

"A nod farewell to the matron and he was away. Always matron. He’d called her by name once and she’d beaten him with a broom."

 

[xena]

“Are you threatening me?”

 

[Finchbearer]

“I’m not dying, I’m just temporarily losing relevance.” character calmly arguing ethics while bleeding out. xDD

This is funny out of context - which is hard to do.

 

[Naruzeldamaster]

Found another one while editing. Sorry for double posting.

"A nod farewell to the matron and he was away. Always matron. He’d called her by name once and she’d beaten him with a broom."

Plot twist, I'm sure it won't be a broom next time he calls her by name...

This is funny out of context - which is hard to do.

A line that is relevant to pokemon shiny hunting that I find funny in context but amuses me further out of context.
"After hours of searching, I finally found my Pink Noodle"
If you're confused, look up Dratini's shiny form, which is the pokemon in question.

 

[Naruzeldamaster]

Found this topic again to post a line that came to me while thinking of the next chapter for one of my original fictions that made me chuckle.

"Did...the blessed as heck queen of the Lamia just try to hide herself using an inhaler..."

 

[Michael Terrance]

A gentleman (a Lord) speaking with his Solicitor, passing on a limrick about a young Barrister in town. It is something he heard from a judge with whom he socializes at a gentleman's club they both belong to.

"Tried a case recently involving the, umm, mis-use of livestock, did young Wendel? Made quite a cracking verse that one did; although, I shouldn’t repeat it in polite company. And where did the lad learn to mime?"

 

[Michael Terrance]

“I’m not dying, I’m just temporarily losing relevance.” character calmly arguing ethics while bleeding out. xDD

Excellent line. I am not sure if I want to know the context, or if I prefer it on its own. Well done.

 

[pmmg]

I dont really write things meant to be funny. I do think some stuff is funny because of the way it ads up. But it would be hard to pull out a single line.

 

[SamazonE]

Sometimes diversionary. I think of it as a late show. Someone looking over your shoulder being all serious. It also happens in sex.

I have a style of writing that just kills me. It is not my usual vice. I use it sparingly it adds up and becomes lamentable. Say there was a situation that required laughter, not allowed. Or a mishap that was truly detrimentable? They might scream.

Officially sensitive.

It is the little things that become big things or the big things that become little things. Wake up in the morning, go to bed at night. Something we all have a knack for, sarcasm.

But if I was to put a finger on what it was, I have to say we are all ignorant about what makes you sneeze, yawn, cough, laugh, cry, it is all sensory. All the little details that are stuck in physical memory and make things go, bang.