How deep do you go into 3rd person limited?

When I write my drafts, I sometimes find myself going deep into the POV character to the point of writing in their voice. Then when I edit, I'll correct some off this language and bring it back a little bit toward the overall style of the book. I want the reader to identify and stay immersed in the character, but reading in the language of a 10-year-old child can get tiresome -- and doesn't suit the overall mood of the book.

Obviously, I keep all dialogue and internal reflection in the character's voice, and some of the more colorful inflections, but one area I've gone back and forth with is character names. For some reason, when I started writing this book I've labeled other characters by how the POV character perceives them. One character, Sarah Keating, is usually written as Sarah when found in the POV of most characters, but when writing from her 10-year-old ward's POV, I revert to Miss Keating, even in the narrative.

Would this throw you off or would you consider it charming even if the rest of the narrative is written in language obviously more advanced than the thoughts of a child? I do try to offer up character thoughts and internal dialogue fairly often to keep the reader immersed in the POV character, but that can't always be done.

How do you handle the styles of different POV characters with various types of voices in your work? Do you find your narrative changes from character to character in 3rd limited or do you try to keep everything consistent?

 

That's what I'm trying to negotiate here. I'm trying to keep the character's perspective in the reader's mind without writing entire scenes like a ten-year-old, which would come off as, well, like a children's book. It seemed natural to me that the character would be called by the name the POV character while writing it. So I went with it.

I also attempt to describe adult concepts and topics from the perspective of the child, such as exploring concepts she would understand, while only hinting at one's she wouldn't, though I use adult language for consistency and readability in the narrative.

 

A good strategy. It can really keep you on your toes keeping up with characters who grow and mature as the story progresses.

The plethora of character names is one of the reasons I'm revisiting this topic. My book has many characters, and thus, many names for the reader to digest. I try to space them out as much as possible, but it's still a lot. For this issue particularly, I try to mention characters by their first and last name occasionally, so readers don't forget Sarah is Miss Keating. To pile it on, some characters have spirit names in addition to their human names, and I'll occasionally repeat them together too, especially when relevant. I have it all sorted in my head, but readers' absorption may vary.

Another possibility I considered is having the child call her Miss Sarah, but it's been my experience this is mostly a southern USA convention, and the novel takes place near Boston. I'm from New England, and we never used first names for adults when I was a kid.

 

I'm with you on this one. Personally, I prefer my own voice as narrator and believe I can write it better anyway. I've noticed deep 3rd person POV is becoming more popular though, particularly among younger readers. My book is certainly not YA, so I don't try to follow those trends, but I've also been seeing it pop up more often in GA and adult books.

 

I feel like for this to avoid complete confusion in a book with many POV characters, the time frame for the narration would need to be established and clear to the reader in an elegant manner than raw meta-exposition. As of now, the rest of the book clearly is not. I know I'd struggle to find a way to present this and keep it consistent with POV's from other characters, particularly for those who don't live to become older!

How you wrote your excerpt is very close to what my first drafts look like, as far as getting deeper into the POV (but less polished and filled with typos). When I edit, I generally take those deeper thoughts and depict them as the character's thoughts either with internal dialogue or descriptions of the character's thoughts. Those I cannot translate into the character's voice, I rewrite as pure narrative.

Of course, my ultimate goal is to avoid confusing the reader, and secondly to avoid jarring changes in tone.

 

Oh, most of the book is not deep POV. I find myself drifting into it occasionally a bit too much, so I back out some so the scene doesn't look like it was written by a ten year old.

I don't always tag my internal dialogue either. In some works, depending on the medium, I'll put it in italics. In others I use quotes or line breaks.

 

To each their own, I guess. I'm not going to argue which is better, as I believe both deep and traditional 3rd person POV have their merits and drawbacks. Deep POV is certainly popular these days, but I also know some readers who lament the limited selection of modern 3rd person omniscient works. Personally, I prefer 3rd person traditional because it allows me to interject things the character may not know and foreshadow easier. I can head hop a little bit more if necessary, but that doesn't happen often. I find it's a good balance between deep POV and omniscient voices.

To give you a clearer idea of how I work it out, here's an example from my work of a character who recently lost a measure of "innocence" and begins to mature after a near death experience.

Spoiler: Before edits, falling into the language of the character as I draft:

It had been mere hours since Courtney had “died” and Amber nearly so, and despite her casual attitude on the plane, the dark-haired woman was torn up inside. The attention that Amber had shown her on the plane made her feel loved and warm inside, but it also deeply concerned her. And now that they were moving again, and the quest was in sight, her wife’s obsession had taken over again. Courtney wasn’t sure what she hated more, that or what she had to do next. She had to do the right thing.

That’s what makes her love you, she thought sadly.

Deep down, she knew that wasn’t true, but she couldn’t help but feel a little resentful of their mission and how it had consumed her wife’s life in the recent weeks. Hell, it took over all their lives, and not necessarily for the better. Maybe it would have just been better if they said no to it all and took care of themselves first.

No, she chided herself, that’s not you, anymore. You’re a good person now.

And though those feeling crept up in her mind, she somehow felt wrong about them. The old Courtney would have damned the cautions and charged ahead without second thoughts, willing to stand by her wife no matter what. But it was different somehow. She knew something inside her had changed… somehow. Something was just… off.

“Court? You coming?” Amber asked her suddenly, and Courtney realized they were heading out.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go,” she replied.

They hailed a cab and were on the road to one of the city’s many standard-faire hotels. Nothing that would call attention to them. Few words were spoken, and Courtney wondered just what the others were thinking about. Likely they were already planning their next move, but those plans couldn’t include her anymore. So, she sat silently and thought of her own plan.

Spoiler: After edits:

Courtney had “died” mere hours ago and Amber nearly so, and despite her casual attitude earlier, troubling thoughts plagued the dark-haired woman. She had relished the affection Amber expressed for her on the plane, feeling loved and warm inside, but deep concerns now began to infiltrate her mind. They resumed the quest, and her wife’s obsession took charge again. Courtney wasn’t sure what she hated more, feeling neglected in her wife’s presence or what she must do next.

You have to do the right thing. She looked away from the others, wiping tears from her eyes. That’s what makes her love you.

Despite recognizing Amber’s real love for her, resentment for their mission and how it had consumed Amber’s life in the recent weeks pervaded her thoughts. It predominated all their lives, endangering everyone.

Maybe we should’ve said no to the adventure and looked out for ourselves first. No, that’s not you, anymore. You’re a good person now.

She pondered the feelings creeping into her mind. The old Courtney would’ve damned all caution and forged ahead without reservation, willing to stand by her wife no matter the cost. Her priorities were different now. Something inside her changed… somehow. Something was just… different.

“Court? You coming?” Amber asked, and Courtney realized they were heading out.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go.”

They hailed a cab to one of the city’s many standard-fare hotels. Nothing that would garner much attention. Few words were spoken, and Courtney considered the others; imagining they contemplated their next moves, which couldn’t include her anymore. So she remained quiet and developed her own plan.

As you can see, there are other fixes too, but I feel the passage is stronger in the normal narrator's language than using the character's.

 

No pearls of wisdom?

I'll admit using a deep POV makes some of the things you mention easier to incorporate, but I also agree most are manageable in 3rd traditional and omniscient. It's a style (trend maybe, maybe not?) that's becoming rather popular now, but not universally embraced from discussions I've seen. Some characters just don't have a voice I feel comfortable with representing my writing.

 

Depends on the medium for me. Where this work was originally posted, italics for character thoughts was a common convention, and readers almost expected it. Had I posted it elsewhere, I'd use quotes or line breaks. Publishers will have their own demands preferences anyway, but when writing for myself, I'll do whatever I want.

 

I get that. Old dog; new tricks. I fall into deep POV as a reader quite readily but can only take so much before I need to back out take a breather. A fair number of new writers don't seem to know when to pull it back.

Of all the new tricks writers are using these days, present tense has taken me the longest to get used to. I'm not sure if I've seen it used in many adult works so far, but yeah, others are spreading across genres and audiences. Actually, I once used 2nd-person present tense in a short story, and the result was quite interesting and fun.