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How does this sound?

Discussion in 'Writing Discussions' started by MaccosBridgman, May 25, 2013.

  1. MaccosBridgman

    MaccosBridgman Dreamer

    Hi, I'm Macauley and I am new to this so anyway this is my fantasy story:

    So basically this is the main plot and storyline for a fantasy story I've started. I shall upload more information as time goes on but this is the basic outline so far, please excuse any grammatical errors etc.

    A little bit of background is that in another world called Coventry which is the homeworld of the Fae, the Fae serf class alongside many of the wealthy aristocratic citizens of the Holy Albionic Empire along with their families lead an exodus from Coventry as the Fae war with the Ludens (an aquatic race) comes to a head and plasmic weapons (this worlds equivalent of nukes) are used. Using ancient magic they tear the veil that seperates worlds and millions are sucked from Coventry and enter Earth 21,000 years ago during the height of the Atlantean Empire. Upon arriving in the magicless barren world they discover that through ripping the veil they are more powerful than they were in Coventry and lead the humans against the Atlanteans and force them back to their continent of Atlantis and using magic bound them there unable to leave the continent ever again, this sees the end of the Atlantean civilisation and the humans unable to work Atlantean technology without the Atlantean crystals, therfore humans regress to cave men and slowly progress (the same as normal history).

    The Fae live in co-existance with the humans for millennia aiding them with their development and creating many myths and legends to cloak themselves. They are worshipped as gods by the Greeks and Egyptians and prosper from the organised Roman Empire, but as the humans continue to develop they Fae know that they will not be able to survive in the human realm and will eventually be discovered.

    Therefore they return to and conquer Atlantis after many years of harsh fighting. After conquering the continent they settle the land. There ancient magic is used to cloak the continent and make it invisible to humans and the land is soaked with magic, making the animals and plants magical. This is last time powerful Fae magic was used. From this the Fae developed into a fedualistic society (minus a serf class, they learnt their lessons back in Coventry) with a hereditary aristocratic noble class and a common folk. The Fae became artistic, enlightened and lived a leisurely lifestyle. War has only torn apart the Fae three times in the centuries they have lived on Atlantis renamed Aeterna (meaning Eternal, a referrence to the Fae's long lifespans) first during the revolt that overthrew the Desrosiers as the monarchs of the Kingdom of Lumeria, followed by the Great Revolution which saw the creation of the Six Kingdoms and it becoming the dominant power in Aeterna with the Desrosiers as the royal family - following this the leisurely society the Fae were accustomed to came about, and finally the Nine Year Rebellion of Prince Alston and two of the six Kingdoms against King Avery II of the Six Kingdoms. With the coup which saw King Avery murdered Alston became King and since the mid-1980s (human years) Aeterna has been in perpetual warfare between the Six Kingdoms and the city-states and the three independent kingdoms and the rebels as well as The Republican Brotherhood, with alliances constantly changing and the beauitful lands of Aeterna destroyed.

    This is the world that Odette must save!

    Odette Ravenscroft was a preppy popular American teen living a normal life, raised by her grandmother Helen Ravenscroft, in the small Virginia town of Armitage. But this was all set to change when her seventeenth birthday rolled around…

    On October 31st Odette's birthday as she readied herself to attend her school's Halloween party were she would celebrate her birthday with her friends when her grandmother called her to sit with her. She would be told by her grandmother that she adopted her father Drake when he was only three weeks old and that her mother, father and twin had not died in a car crash but had in fact been murdered.

    As Odette recovered from this shock, the last two people she thought would ever be in her kitchen arrived her English teacher Miss Amanda Des and local businessman Adrian Langdon who she worked for on weekends as a secretary. By them she was told something she would find even more shocking then the information her grandmother told her. She was a direct descendant of King Avery II of the Six Kingdoms of Aeterna in the magical realm of Faery. Miss Des and Mr Langdon reveal their true identities to be Princess Apolla Desrosier-Capulet and Adam Lazarus, her Guardians and her father's Guardian before her. They escaped with Drake before he could be murdered by her great-uncle Alston now the usper King of the Six Kingdoms, it was also Alston would killed her parents and twin, and that he would now be after her too.

    From here a whirlwind of events occurred, as Odette sat their absorbing what she was told, that not only was she a Princess but also not entirely human she was also half-Fae, which meant she had magical powers her who had only ever aspired to be a writer. As she sat their absorbing her newfound knowledge, there was a loud pop from outside. The next thing she knew two men in heavy armour and with huge swords bounded into her kitchen and slayed down her grandmother before Amanda/Apolla and Adrian/Adam used what appeared to be a blinding light to make the warriors disappear.

    As Odette saw her grandmother die, she saw that however this Alston was she knew she had to kill him if not to save the oppressed people of the Six Kingdoms then to avenge her family who Alston had slayed. With that the next morning Odette began her quest which would see her leave the world she knew behind and enter the magical realm of Faery which was the lost continent of Atlantis shielded from humans with ancient powerful magic. She would battle not only the forces of her great-uncle but rebels, warlocks, witches and the forces of the city states, as she sought to end the fighting in Aeterna and unite it again in peace and prosperity and take her rightful place as Queen of the Six Kingdoms and avenge her family!
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 11, 2017
  2. Tom

    Tom Istar

    Wow! You obviously have more skill at storycrafting than me. This is an awesome plot...
    I just have one problem with it...it seems a bit too much like the "farmboy of unknown parentage gains magical powers" cliche that we've seen in Star Wars and Eragon. Not saying you work with it well--it's just one of the things that makes me tick, so you can just ignore me if you like.
  3. rhd

    rhd Troubadour

    You've just told us the short version so it's difficult to judge without a tiny snippet to assess the quality of your writing, so I'll just tell you whether it sounds interesting to me. First half, very interesting, when it comes to the part Odette discovers she is the great-great granddaughter of a faery king and has innate magic powers, including her family being attacked right after this is revealed, it becomes same-old same-old. However I truly believed the most oft-repeated storyline can sound good if the writing is good, so looking forward to a snippet.
  4. A. E. Lowan

    A. E. Lowan Forum Mom Leadership

    Kid, some advice...

    1) Never, ever, let anyone tell you that your story idea is "cliché" from a synopsis. Do you know that, when broken down, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and Storm Front, the first book of The Dresden Files have the same plot? A wizard named Harry who loses his parents has to fight an evil wizard blah blah blah... The difference is in the execution. As the saying goes, the devil is in the details.

    2) The reason the "farmboy of unknown parentage gains magical powers" is considered cliché is because it has been done and done a whole lot. Why? Because it works. It's part of an ancient story telling motif called "the hero's journey," and has been used in the Bible, Star Wars, Harry Potter, and many, many, many others. Joseph Campbell's The Hero With a Thousand Faces is an excellent work of folklore scholarship and a good place to read more about it, if you're an academic sort like me.

    3) I want you to take the word cliché. I want you to look it up in at least 3 dictionaries. I want you to analyze it from every angle possible. And then I want you to forget you ever heard it. Why? Because all stories, all plots, have already been told. Everything is cliché. So, don't worry about it. What makes a story unique is you. This is the story you write, with your voice on the page and the characters you breathe to life. Your life, your experiences, your vision - this is all combining to make your story unique. So be true to your characters, and tell it. Honestly, passionately, and without fear.

    4) Keep your butt in the chair.

    5) Write for your life.

    6) And for heaven's sake, trust your demon.
  5. MaccosBridgman

    MaccosBridgman Dreamer

    thanks for the great advice!!! :D
  6. MaccosBridgman

    MaccosBridgman Dreamer

    Thanks I need to add more detail yet though :p but thanks for the advice as well but i think its so cliche is because it can form such a good story. Everyone likes to see a ending were something that was wrong was put to right :)

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