You drop the medical term. Unless that specific term is plot important, you aren't required to use it. Like this. Battlefield surgery in the blood and mud, and pay attention to how she's dealing with the terminology.
It's worth noticing the repeat here. It mirrors the first lines - The little bell above the shop door preceded the desperate cry of, “Help! We need you!” The urgency in Winter’s friend’s voice tore the wizard’s attention from her task. - and I actually just noticed. The brain, amiright? lol
Once again, from Faerie Rising...
~~~
He looked at the sword. Then what did he need to do? He looked up. Get this back up to the roof where it could be put to use? Yes, that must be it. He looked for the building entrance…
“Look out!” Jessie cried.
Bodies pitched over the roof edge and plummeted down, forcing Brian and the knights to dive out of the way. It was Lana and a strange man, landing in a tangle of limbs, daggers, and blood.
Lana lay limp, but the man seemed barely phased. He rolled to his knees with a roar of rage and wrapped both hands around Lana’s throat, squeezing down with all his strength. “I’ll rip your head off, half-breed!”
“Now!”
Brian rushed forward and drove Keeper through the man’s back, jerking to a stop before he pierced Lana. The man cried out in pain, blood spraying Lana’s unconscious face, and without warning the blade sprouted chains that latched onto the man’s wrists and ankles and pulled up short, prying his hands from Lana and binding him painfully to the blade.
Brian blinked. That was different. He moved around the coughing man and knelt beside Lana, her throat swelling and purpling with bruises. “Winter! We need you.”
Winter rushed forward, stepping carefully around the bound man, and knelt in the mud beside Lana. “She’s not breathing,” she muttered and palpated Lana’s throat. “Her hyoid is broken, and her trachea feels crushed. She’s suffocating.” Winter dug in her bag, pulling out a bottle of rubbing alcohol, a scalpel, and a pen.
Jessie’s eyebrows rose, and she moved to hold the bag open for her mistress.
Brian looked from wizard to wizard. “What are you doing?”
Midir scowled, blood trickling from his lips. “Ruining a perfectly good murder.”
Winter gave him an unfriendly look and doused the scalpel with the rubbing alcohol, handing the bottle to Jessie, who doused Lana’s neck from chin to chest. “She needs to be intubated. She needs help to breathe until her body can heal the damage he caused. So, I’m making an alternate access point for the air. Jessie, fish out the water bottle and get me a dose of the painkiller, please.”
“With… a pen?”
Winter took the pen apart and threw the innards into the purse, creating a tube. She cleaned out the inside with the alcohol and nodded. “Yes.” She then took up the scalpel and made a precise cut just above the meeting of Lana’s clavicles, just below the swelling, blood welling up around her fingers, and neatly popped the pen casing into place. Immediately air whistled through the tube and Lana’s chest rose, greedy for oxygen. Winter began taping it in place.
Brian breathed a sigh of relief. “Okay, that was one of the cooler—”
Lana’s eyes snapped open and she came up swinging.
Brian caught her hands before she could batter Winter, and Lana began coughing while Winter held her tube in place.
Winter stroked Lana’s dark hair and murmured soothing things while Lana coughed and shook. After a moment the succubus tried to say something around the swelling, but nothing came. She then looked up at the roof, and then back at Winter and pointed, lips parted with wonder.
It looked as if the sun was rising up there.
Istar
Inkling
Sage
Dreamer
Maybe write it how you want it, with your specific wording, and have a close friend or family member read a small excerpt including that, see what they say? That's personally probably what I would do.
Myth Weaver
