Immersive writing, cutting down the word count, and polishing the final draft

[Eastwatcher]

Hi Guys

So I'm currently on the 9th draft of my book. I know that sounds a lot, but in reality I decided to write the entire thing (330,000 words) from scratch after the 5th draft. My writing skill had improved so much since I first decided to write that I needed a completely clean slate. No copy and paste. So now I'm on the 4th draft of my rewrite and want to make it both perfect and shorter, and I'm looking for any more tips on getting it just right. I really don't want to do another full draft after this aside from proof reading. The main techniques I've been using for this draft are:
- Removing passive voive
- Removing filter words
- Removing dialog tags wherever possible
By using these 3 techniques I've already been able to cut the first 3 chapters down by 10-15% and, most importantly, improve the quality of my writing by making it more immersive. As I hadn't had an English lesson since I was 15, I had no knowledge of these sorts of techniques, and I've learned everything I know from online forums, YouTube, and going through books I love with a critical eye instead of just reading them. What I would like to know is are there any other techniques like them that I should be employing? I would hate to do another full draft just because I missed a technique that someone with a background in literature takes for granted.
Thanks in advance. All suggestions are welcome.

 

[Demesnedenoir]

At 330,000 words, there's a 99.9% chance of being able to chop it big time. Here's the history of my book:

140k, cut down to 123k.

Went through a few betas and a professional edit... balooned to 153k to fit in everything. This would be fine, it's pretty tight (comparable to much published epic fantasy, or even tighter, I use fewer adverbs and fillers than most pub'd authors) EXCEPT it's hard to get the time of day from an agent with much over 120k.

So, I removed one POV to save 10k. Story works without it, even if not as in depth. Now I'm going through 140k that's already been past an editor. I've still been able to cut 10%, and I'm into the 129k range and hope to have it to 125ish.

Now, here's the rub... I can't tell you how to do this. But, I can pretty much guarantee you its possible. It'll probably take a few epiphanies on your own writing and what really is necessary and not necessary.

One you didn't mention, -ly adverbs. These are good cuts, make sure every one you use is worth it. Scene transitions, look at every one with an axe in your hand. Inner monologue, the same. Scene consolidation. It goes on and on. Without seeing your writing, it's tough.

Oh, and when I have an agents/pubs attention, I'll fight to add that 10k POV back in, LOL. Or if I got self-pub, it'll be back. Book is weaker without it.

 

[skip.knox]

The edits you mention are all good and necessary, but I don't think they are the most significant. Chances are there are entire passages that can be cut (though they'll probably necessitate some rewriting), characters that can be written out or combined, maybe even whole sub-plots to remove.

Another way to think about this is to consider your 330k as three volumes of 110k each. That, too, will require some rewriting, but is another way to approach the project.

 

[pmmg]

I think I have to agree with Skip (or is it knox?). Cutting tags, and unhelpful words is useful, but I think you have to look at what whole passages can be cut or condensed, or merged to make the story tighter. Rewriting, though, can be an endless process. At some point you just have to forgive yourself of all the stuff you could not get to and move on. One will always get better with more time and practice, so it will always be the case that you could write it better. But there is a lot you could be writing, and it deserves its time too.

 

[Penpilot]

Cutting down on extraneous stuff is definitely important, but word of caution, tighten things too much and you'll strangle the life out of it.

From my experience, leaving in a bit of looseness isn't always a bad thing. I find it benificial.

Personally, I edit down to where I'm not repeating myself, where the story is clear, where it doesn't sound like I'm blabbering on and on about something after the point is made, and that's where I leave it. To me, it's not about getting it to 100% publish ready shiny polish. It's about making sure the story comes through in an entertaining way even if it's still a little rough around the edges.

An agent/publisher can see through a few extranious things, but if something has been tightened too much I don't think they can see what's not there.

 

[skip.knox]

... edit down to where I'm not repeating myself, where the story is clear, where it doesn't sound like I'm blabbering on and on about something after the point is made, and that's where I leave it. To me, it's not about getting it to 100% publish ready shiny polish. It's about making sure the story comes through in an entertaining way even if it's still a little rough around the edges.

I agree with Penpilot, but I have to say that for the new writer--and by "new" here I mean someone who has not undergone the ordeal of editors--making these judgment calls is pretty much the whole pie.

Most of us can tell when we're repeating ourselves ... when we notice! That can be hard to do with 330k words.

Is the story clear? That's nearly impossible for the author to determine.

Have I blabbered on? Of course not! Er, well, now that you point it out, I guess so.

Is it 100% publish ready shiny polish? That's a straw man; nothing to sweat. Does the story entertain? Ah, now we're down to it. In my universe, this means this: one, it entertains me. I feel like the story is clear, etc. Two, at least three beta readers or one agent or one [pro] editor agrees with me. I have slowly learned to show my work at a stage where I feel like there are at least no major plot holes, no obvious discontinuities or contradictions, and there is some kind of story arc in place. I need the feedback not only to fix problems, but also to gain new perspectives on the work, on writerly tics, and so on. I also just plain need to hear voices other than the ones in my head, for motivation--not merely praise; hearing criticisms that I know I can fix is just as encouraging.

Again, I agree with the Pilot of Pens. But I think each of us develop an ear for repetition, clarity, blabber, polish, in the same way a painter gains an eye for composition or the musician gains a feel for rhythm. It takes practice. And it takes practice across multiple stories. Daunting, but there it is.

 

[Eric Hawke]

I suggest you go through it all and consider every chapter, paragraph, sentence and word for word looking for anything that can be cut or condensed. It's a lot of work but should benefit your story greatly, making it more focused and better paced. Any cool scenes that aren't actually necessary? Cut them. Any sentences that can be condensed without losing meaning or vital info? Do it.

 

[TheCatholicCrow]

Another thing to look for is too much backstory, flash backs (often overused and can instead be summed in a few lines), and info-dumping about the world building. Look at each and every chapter & scene ... but as you're doing that ask what is the purpose of this? Why does it need to be here? What information / plot points are served by it? You might find that some of those chapters either don't serve a real purpose (beyond "but dragons are cool!") OR there might be multiple scenes that achieve the same thing in which case, you can combine them (cutting like 1-2k words each time).

You might also ask the same about the characters. Does X's cousin's neighbor really serve a purpose?

Good luck with your cuts and edits!

 

[Mytherea]

Firstly, you'll never get it perfect. To aim for perfection will only result in frustration, anger, and disappointment as you will forever fall short of your mark (as your personal concept of "perfect" will constantly change, and what you write won't ever match up). I'd suggest for aiming instead for the more attainable goal of "shorter." And also "best that I can do."

Few thoughts on structure and chopping, which may or may not be helpful (it's hard to prescribe any kind of advice without having seen the writing, so this is just general stuff):

1. Kind of what skip.knox said about it being three books, seriously look at what you have and ask, is this one book or two books? Or three books? And I don't mean, can you cut it into a trilogy, I mean, is it really two separate books spliced into one? Did it start as one book and become another as you became a more skilled writer? If there are two (or more) stories, is that muddying the story focus? Can you parse it into two (or more) books? And the answer might very well be, "No." And that's fine. Some stories are big stories (and sometimes those stories do need to be divided and sold as a book 1, book 2, book 3 format). But some stories are actually two stories merged as one, and those two stories are warring for dominance, adding to the length.

2. Is it starting in the right place? Is it starting too soon? For this, you might need to seek out beta-readers and ask them to watch for where, for them, the story started (it's possible you'll get entirely different answers, but it's also possible to get the same answer each time...which is sometimes frustrating if they're all saying it starts on page 58). Another way of diagnosing this is to write a mock query pitch. If you find yourself talking more about stuff that happens after the halfway mark, consider maybe starting at around the halfway mark at letting everything else be backstory.

3. How many characters are there? How many viewpoints? More viewpoints with full character arcs tend to mean more wordage, as you then need to build each one. This is possibly tied to point 1; if you have, say, an ensemble cast of twelve but you find they're falling into distinct groups of, say, four characters together doing a thing, maybe there's three novels, not one.

4. Is every scene pulling double and/or triple duty? Scenes ought to do two of three things (though bonus points if they're doing all three; and this is shamelessly stolen from people way smarter than me, I take no credit): further the plot, develop the character(s), build world/setting (and if you want to get into literary nitty-gritty, further theme and/or story purpose). Group scenes by character, then group them by plot, then group them by worldbuilding, and see if you have any scenes which are duplicating information. If so, can they be combined? Can a scene that's only doing one thing be woven into a scene that's doing two? (This is really similar to what TheCatholicCrow was saying about scene combining and cutting extraneous ones.)

5. Stare at your characters. Stare really hard. Then stare at the plot. Are there any points where the characters don't take the obvious course of action and, if they did, the story wouldn't continue the way it is? And, if so, if you change that, what's it do the story? Does it shorten it? Is there any point where the characters violate established characterization? If so, what happens if they stay true to what you've already established? (Often, this means a lot of rewriting in cases of chain-of-events that rely on certain actions being taken; that said, if it violates what you feel is the true heart of the story, you might want to adjust the character and see if that helps anything).

6. Speaking of characters, consider grouping scenes in terms of character action or reaction, then compare. Generally speaking, most stories have a balance between moments of character action (the character is causing the plot) and reaction (the plot is hitting the character). Also, for the most part, there tends to be more reaction happening in the beginning of a story, which then gives way to character action (looking at it from a three-act structure lens, the first action the character takes is usually the one that passes them through the first gate of no return). Satisfying ends are almost always results of character action, not reaction. In short, make sure everyone has agency and goals.

7. Give long sections of exposition the stink-eye. Can any of this information be presented in a short, pithy one sentence comment? Can it be presented through the lens of the PoV character? Is any of it happening before it's pertinent for reader comprehension?

8. Watch for authorial throat-clearing. Are there scenes that are starting a few paragraphs (or pages) too early? Is a lot of attention being devoted to inconsequential action, or building a location that only acts as a transition space to the real location that the scene unfolds in? Oh, and on the subject of transitions, are there any points where you can do the whole "fade-to-black" and skip to the next section? (This goes back to point 4.)

Just my rambling two cents. Good luck!

 

[Michael K. Eidson]

Another thing to look for is too much backstory, flash backs (often overused and can instead be summed in a few lines), and info-dumping about the world building. Look at each and every chapter & scene ... but as you're doing that ask what is the purpose of this? Why does it need to be here? What information / plot points are served by it? You might find that some of those chapters either don't serve a real purpose (beyond "but dragons are cool!") OR there might be multiple scenes that achieve the same thing in which case, you can combine them (cutting like 1-2k words each time).

You might also ask the same about the characters. Does X's cousin's neighbor really serve a purpose?

Good luck with your cuts and edits!

For me, this hits the heart of the matter. Combine anything that can be. If you have multiple POVs, give each of them a critical eye, and cut any you can, in their entirety if possible. It hurts to do it, but the effects can be astounding. I went from nine POV characters in my previous version of the story, which I had plotted as two books of 120K words each, down to three POV characters, with a target now of 120k words total in one book. I've chosen just the right three POV characters to tell the whole story, and cut many scenes that were interesting and fun to write, but didn't do double-duty in the novel. I've also made sure that each of the POV characters has a character arc that works within a three act structure. The pacing has improved immensely.

I've had short stories published before, but this is to be my first published novel. (It will be published, one way or the other.) I want it to be perfect, but as others have said, perfection is too lofty a goal. My goal now is to have something good enough to entice an agent to represent me. After some consideration, I've decided that the best route to that is to have a solid, single-volume story that weighs in at 120K or less, with less being preferable. If later I want to write more stories in the same world, great, maybe I'll even reuse some or all of the same characters, but my debut novel must fit the above-stated parameters. Eastwatcher, if you're considering trying to find an agent to represent your work, you might want to reconsider your idea of a 330K novel, or even a series in which the first book cannot stand alone.

I've gone through three major revisions and several intermediate drafts, myself. The prior versions of the story were very different than the one I'm working on now, to the point they are entirely different stories, so I consider myself as having written and shelved three novels just in working on this project. I have another shelved novel from before that, and many shelved outlines for novels (even trilogies). I keep learning more about writing, and seeing how sad my prior efforts have been. But like you, I've kept studying, and now I think I'm there, or at least close enough. But it takes whatever time it takes. I don't want to rush it, but I don't want to forever spin my wheels either. So I've made the decision, much like you have, that this will be the last major revision of this project. I completely understand the feeling. Give it your best shot, and see what happens!

 

[Eastwatcher]

Hey everyone

A massive thank you to you guys and gals that commented. They really helped, especially Mytherea and Micheal K.
You're right. Publishing a 330,000 novel for a unpublished author just isn't likely, no matter how good it is. However, you're also right in that my book could be more than one. There are 3 parts, but Part 3 is kind of just hammered in there to progress certain aspects of the overall arc for the series (I've got another 5-6 books planned out). I've realised I can cut Part 3 out, take the essential bits and add them to the climax of Part 2, and in doing so bring the whole thing down to 200,00 without losing much bite to the character development. The best things is I can rework part 3 to fit into my plans for book 2, so I won't have even lost too much.
It took all you're comments for me to realise I can do this. Scrapping a third of something I've put so many hours into wasn't something I was really willing to think about until now, but it became obvious once I detached myself from being the proud author and started thinking logically. It will be hard, and it will mean writing a fair bit of new content, but if I didn't love writing I would never have gotten this far. Perseverance, my friends. That's what we all need, and only those who have it deserve to get published. Now I've just got to find where I left mine. I think it was around Chapter 20.

Thanks for all the help.

 

[R Snyder]

Final Draft Thoughts

Hi Guys

So I'm currently on the 9th draft of my book. I know that sounds a lot, but in reality I decided to write the entire thing (330,000 words) from scratch after the 5th draft. My writing skill had improved so much since I first decided to write that I needed a completely clean slate. No copy and paste. So now I'm on the 4th draft of my rewrite and want to make it both perfect and shorter, and I'm looking for any more tips on getting it just right. I really don't want to do another full draft after this aside from proof reading. The main techniques I've been using for this draft are:
- Removing passive voive
- Removing filter words
- Removing dialog tags wherever possible
By using these 3 techniques I've already been able to cut the first 3 chapters down by 10-15% and, most importantly, improve the quality of my writing by making it more immersive. As I hadn't had an English lesson since I was 15, I had no knowledge of these sorts of techniques, and I've learned everything I know from online forums, YouTube, and going through books I love with a critical eye instead of just reading them. What I would like to know is are there any other techniques like them that I should be employing? I would hate to do another full draft just because I missed a technique that someone with a background in literature takes for granted.
Thanks in advance. All suggestions are welcome.

I took a similar path with a story; I wrote the first draft while I was just getting going, put it aside and worked on something else and then came back to it and when I did, I was faced with a lot of work. Unlike you, I did not rewrite the whole thing in one pass but went over it and over it again getting it right because I liked the way it was structured; it felt natural, and not something that I could improve on. I lost track of rewrites and the other passes as you mention above, looking critically for specific problems and areas for improvement.

You've gotten a lot of good advice already. I would add:

Techniques: There are many more that you can and should use, some of them unique to you and your style and your vocabulary and habits that you develop along the way. (A background in literature might be helpful but certainly not necessary.)

The best advice I can give you (and not mine). It is extremely difficult to look at something you've written and immersed yourself in for months, if not years, and see it with fresh eyes. And I think you need that for a 'final' draft, in order for you to say that you're 'done'; it's 'finished'. Stephen King said that it's the hardest thing to do but put your book in a drawer and don't look at it for six months. Work on your next book. Don't think about the one in the drawer. I didn't quite make it (have not yet) to the end of six months, but it's an amazing experience. You come across passages that you don't remember writing. You get caught up in the story as a reader and if there are problems with the book, they'll leap off the page.

The 2nd best advice I can give you: Buy Stephen King's book on writing. IMO, the only book you need. I don't think he's a very good writer (a great storyteller), but this book is a must have. I pick it up and read through different parts when I need a break from something and always learn something or affirm something that I've learned on my own. A great book and a great asset for a writer.

Final thoughts: 330k is a huge, big-ass book. For a developing writer, a massive undertaking. A lot of work. But you like, love, believe in it, and you're pressing forward. Good luck!