Jarringly modern dialogue?

[Svrtnsse]

I find it hard, it's hard to find, oh well, whatever, never mind...

 

[Incanus]

I guess I should clarify. It's the stories where some characters use contractions and others don't that bother me. Like Goodkind's Sword of Truth series. If all of your characters don't use contractions throughout its entirety and it's an engaging story then I'm sure I'd enjoy it.

What about Data on Star Trek: TNG? Does exactly what you're saying, but works just fine. Of course that's Sci-fi.

I read Wizard's First Rule, but don't remember coming across that feature. I'm unlikely to read anymore of that series though.

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

I find it hard, it's hard to find, oh well, whatever, never mind...

It's hard to bargle nawdle zouss with all these marbles in my mouth...

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

The interesting thing about not using contractions is that it is one of the ways to tell if someone is ESL with no accent. People who learn English as a second or later language tend not to use contractions. Thus it sounds "foreign" to the native english speaker.

I teach ESL, and I totally agree with Russ' take on what would be a good reason to have one or some characters not use contractions. Combine that with limited vocabulary and maybe misused or omitted articles, and you have a foreigner. Readers may "hear" an accent, though the accent will vary from reader to reader.

 

[skip.knox]

It's always worthwhile to see how other authors (good ones) handle this. My exemplars are Patrick O'Brian and Colleen McCullough in her Masters of Rome series. And, oddly enough, the TV series Rome. Each handles it differently; all are successful.

While vulgarities reach far back in time, the specific phrase "f*ck that sh*t" is modern. And a nauseating image, if you think about it. So it would jar me in a way the individual words would not.

BTW, all that thee and thou stuff isn't really medieval, it's early modern. Middle English doesn't read that way, and we wouldn't want to write modern English that way.

Otherwise, the common advice given here is right--establish your speakers' tone and vocabulary early. If the story is interesting, I'll go along for the ride. But if you don't drop the f-bomb until page 117, then it's probably not going to work. (but O'Brian manages the exception)

 

[Penpilot]

While vulgarities reach far back in time, the specific phrase "f*ck that sh*t" is modern. And a nauseating image, if you think about it. So it would jar me in a way the individual words would not.

You know I never thought about that. Haha. And yeah, eewwww!

 

[Reaver]

I find it hard, it's hard to find, oh well, whatever, never mind...

Hey! Wait! I got a new complaint... Forever in debt to your priceless advice...

Sorry, I got off topic there because

Polly wants a cracker...

 

[Miskatonic]

If you were reading a story set in a world with a historical aesthetic, say, 19th century-esque, would it be jarring for you to read modern-sounding dialogue. For example, with regards to a character dressed in a three piece suit and top hat...



And other similar patterns of speaking. Using some modern pieces of slang and interjecting things like "you know what, f*ck you" into the middle of sentences.

I know that some people read fantasy for escapism, and perhaps more antiquated dialogue adds to that, but I would say that there's something to be said for more 'real' dialogue, which the reader can easily relate to in some way.

What do you guys think?

Doesn't hurt to use the vernacular of the time, but throwing in a more modern sounding dialog when it fits the scene shouldn't make or break a book. If you set your story in Victorian London during the end of the 19th century for example, I would expect the dialog to be close to what it was back then to improve immersion.

 

[Gryphos]

I'm gonna resurrect this thread because I've got another instance of use of modern, informal dialogue which I'm concerned about.

The character in question, Kol-Sathos, is literally a god, who looks like a dude clad completely in plate armour, and whenever he speaks, black sludge drips from the slits of his visor. But while he's a god, and in fiction usually they have a degree of, let's say, grandness to their speech patterns, I wanted this guy to be a bit different. This god is foul-mouthed and very informal in his speech.

An example would be when, while he's giving a lecture of sorts, he's interrupted and has this little outburst.

"Here's an idea, White Rice, how about you shut the f*ck up before I shove that lute so far up your arse you can play it with your tongue."

And then, when another character tries to stop the MC from approaching Kol-Sathos, he says:

"Oi! Mango Sachet, f*ck off."

*'White Rice' and 'Mango Sachet' are two examples of nicknames he'll give to random people he comes across

What I'm hoping for by giving this character such strange speaking patterns for how gods and divine beings are usually written is a degree of humour and amusement. I really want Kol-Sathos to be a memorable and different character from what people usually see. But I just want to know if this kind of discrepancy might be jarring and wether it would even annoy some of you should you read a character like this.

 

[Penpilot]

Just a little FYI. White Rice is a derogatory term. Often defined as "A Caucasian who wants to be/thinks he/she is of Asian descent. Often frowned upon by Asians."

If derogatory is what you're going for, have at it, but if not, maybe rethink that nickname.

 

[MineOwnKing]

I'm gonna resurrect this thread because I've got another instance of use of modern, informal dialogue which I'm concerned about.

The character in question, Kol-Sathos, is literally a god, who looks like a dude clad completely in plate armour, and whenever he speaks, black sludge drips from the slits of his visor. But while he's a god, and in fiction usually they have a degree of, let's say, grandness to their speech patterns, I wanted this guy to be a bit different. This god is foul-mouthed and very informal in his speech.

An example would be when, while he's giving a lecture of sorts, he's interrupted and has this little outburst.



And then, when another character tries to stop the MC from approaching Kol-Sathos, he says:



*'White Rice' and 'Mango Sachet' are two examples of nicknames he'll give to random people he comes across

What I'm hoping for by giving this character such strange speaking patterns for how gods and divine beings are usually written is a degree of humour and amusement. I really want Kol-Sathos to be a memorable and different character from what people usually see. But I just want to know if this kind of discrepancy might be jarring and wether it would even annoy some of you should you read a character like this.

My opinion as a Yank, is that: if you give the gods any type of UK accent, and the regular characters an American accent, it will work for American sales on Amazon.

 

[tantric]

I love this place! This just came up in a character sketch of my geisha today:

Jubbu-jang-san stands a bit over a meter and a half, though a good part of that is bouffant and 2cm thick clogs. Today her face is painted pale lavender, and her wig styled to a beehive, metallic black with a green shine. Living tillandsia epiphytes protrude their silvery green leaves from the wig - likely gengineered at the local GAIS campus to do who knows what. Her very correctly arranged kimono is morpho blue edged in orange and transparent veils. Where it trails behind her it moves over obstacles like blue mercury, making it clear that the fabric is the work of Tapi Silksong, Trumpettangle's resident tailor cum fashion saint Weaver Arachna. Painted like a doll, her face is her mask - she expresses exactly and only 27 distinct facial expressions, each one practised perfect. In the esoterica of the floating world, Jubbu-jang is considered a postmodernist, demonstrating the fact with her urban slang and trendy accent.