I retired just short of ten years ago. I've been going through the notes and files from that year, 2013, and found the following. It looks like I meant it to be a blog post, but I never actually posted it anywhere. I place it here in a retiring mood.
Not Getting Things Done
I have spent the last week not doing things. I realize that many of my readers will think this is a good thing, a thing to look forward to, but I'm here to tell you that while it's not pure hell, it's certainly qualifies as impure heck.
Not doing things is harder than it looks. I'm sure you've all walked past a cubicle or (more likely) an office and, glancing inside, have seen someone not getting things done. And I bet you thought that it was easy. Of *course* it looks easy! The really accomplished professional in any area of inactivity will make it look easy, but don't be fooled. Let the inexperienced amateur try it and he may wind up hurt. Worse, he might end up getting something done.
I can tell you, after weeks of practice, being completely unproductive is not for the faint of heart. It requires long, grueling hours of sitting inert, of random Internet searches and, most difficult of all, of enduring streams of Facebook updates.
Being unproductive requires commitment. You have to show up every day, rain or shine, ready and willing to do nothing. You must be as ready to do nothing at 4:30 as you were when you came in at 8:42.
Sure, there are the easy things, the tricks everyone knows. You can stack coffee cups. Change the color scheme on your desktop (be sure to invent your own at least once). Pull objects from your drawers and arrange them on your desk. Then re-arrange them, and then put half of them back in entirely different drawers. Certainly renaming folders can occupy a fun hour or two. But as the days crawl by these tricks slowly pale.
You find yourself eyeing that spreadsheet. You think about editing that report. You might even long to enter something into a database somewhere. In such situations, stop. Take a deep breath. Take several deep breaths. Then breathe into a paper bag. When you are done hyperventilating (minor medical conditions are a great time suck), see if the following quick fixes help.
1. Update your Facebook profile.
2. Subscribe to several forums. Read everything you have missed.
3. Get a hotmail account and subscribe to several more forums. Make sure you create a signature file and upload an avatar at each of them.
4. Analyze the problem. Spend hours at this. Create a file with all your notes in it. Call this file "file".
5. Go to a meeting. Meetings are great places in which to do nothing.
6. Make a bullet list, it doesn't matter of what. Try out every type of bullet your word processor offers, then see if you can find alternative bullets online.
7. Make a reference sheet that shows every font your computer can print. Do this after you have downloaded a bunch of free fonts.
8. Change your bullet list to numbers, then pare it down until you have exactly seven items.
On a broader front, here are suggestions to help you strategize your unproductivity.
Before you start each day, sleep. After you wake up, make sure you have exactly zero goals. At the end of the day, review what you haven't done, then spend the rest of the evening.
Write a blog. No one will read it, so you can spend hours writing advice to other people, secure in the knowledge that your knowledge is secure.
Enter random words and phrases into search engines. Even after all these years, this is still fun.
Install demo software. Never install free software, for you may be tempted to accomplish something with it some day; only get "evaluation" copies that will stop working after a period of time.
Yes, you can play solitaire or FB games or whatever, but personally I regard these as a cheat. Technically, when you win, you have accomplished something. You could play never to win, but even that is an accomplishment of sorts. Basically, wasting time by playing games is strictly for rookies.
Far better is to research items you never intend to buy. Consider buying a house in another city. Try to find your ideal computer; make comparison spreadsheets, but go no further than that, lest you do something. Car shopping can be counted on for dozens of hours. Use one of those dummy hotmail accounts and create a massive shopping cart that you will never empty. This will make you feel good and will result in absolutely nothing.
Finally, in conclusion, and as a brief summary statement, never take the lack of production lightly. Those who have mastered the techniques are few. Those who work, look it. Those who don't work, look like those who do. It's a fine line you must never cross. I know. I've been there.
I'm still there.
Not Getting Things Done
I have spent the last week not doing things. I realize that many of my readers will think this is a good thing, a thing to look forward to, but I'm here to tell you that while it's not pure hell, it's certainly qualifies as impure heck.
Not doing things is harder than it looks. I'm sure you've all walked past a cubicle or (more likely) an office and, glancing inside, have seen someone not getting things done. And I bet you thought that it was easy. Of *course* it looks easy! The really accomplished professional in any area of inactivity will make it look easy, but don't be fooled. Let the inexperienced amateur try it and he may wind up hurt. Worse, he might end up getting something done.
I can tell you, after weeks of practice, being completely unproductive is not for the faint of heart. It requires long, grueling hours of sitting inert, of random Internet searches and, most difficult of all, of enduring streams of Facebook updates.
Being unproductive requires commitment. You have to show up every day, rain or shine, ready and willing to do nothing. You must be as ready to do nothing at 4:30 as you were when you came in at 8:42.
Sure, there are the easy things, the tricks everyone knows. You can stack coffee cups. Change the color scheme on your desktop (be sure to invent your own at least once). Pull objects from your drawers and arrange them on your desk. Then re-arrange them, and then put half of them back in entirely different drawers. Certainly renaming folders can occupy a fun hour or two. But as the days crawl by these tricks slowly pale.
You find yourself eyeing that spreadsheet. You think about editing that report. You might even long to enter something into a database somewhere. In such situations, stop. Take a deep breath. Take several deep breaths. Then breathe into a paper bag. When you are done hyperventilating (minor medical conditions are a great time suck), see if the following quick fixes help.
1. Update your Facebook profile.
2. Subscribe to several forums. Read everything you have missed.
3. Get a hotmail account and subscribe to several more forums. Make sure you create a signature file and upload an avatar at each of them.
4. Analyze the problem. Spend hours at this. Create a file with all your notes in it. Call this file "file".
5. Go to a meeting. Meetings are great places in which to do nothing.
6. Make a bullet list, it doesn't matter of what. Try out every type of bullet your word processor offers, then see if you can find alternative bullets online.
7. Make a reference sheet that shows every font your computer can print. Do this after you have downloaded a bunch of free fonts.
8. Change your bullet list to numbers, then pare it down until you have exactly seven items.
On a broader front, here are suggestions to help you strategize your unproductivity.
Before you start each day, sleep. After you wake up, make sure you have exactly zero goals. At the end of the day, review what you haven't done, then spend the rest of the evening.
Write a blog. No one will read it, so you can spend hours writing advice to other people, secure in the knowledge that your knowledge is secure.
Enter random words and phrases into search engines. Even after all these years, this is still fun.
Install demo software. Never install free software, for you may be tempted to accomplish something with it some day; only get "evaluation" copies that will stop working after a period of time.
Yes, you can play solitaire or FB games or whatever, but personally I regard these as a cheat. Technically, when you win, you have accomplished something. You could play never to win, but even that is an accomplishment of sorts. Basically, wasting time by playing games is strictly for rookies.
Far better is to research items you never intend to buy. Consider buying a house in another city. Try to find your ideal computer; make comparison spreadsheets, but go no further than that, lest you do something. Car shopping can be counted on for dozens of hours. Use one of those dummy hotmail accounts and create a massive shopping cart that you will never empty. This will make you feel good and will result in absolutely nothing.
Finally, in conclusion, and as a brief summary statement, never take the lack of production lightly. Those who have mastered the techniques are few. Those who work, look it. Those who don't work, look like those who do. It's a fine line you must never cross. I know. I've been there.
I'm still there.
Myth Weaver
Istar
