Random thoughts

This is me writing on oxicodone (prescription from surgery):

Alright! My foot doesn't hurt and I haven't fallen asleep yet so let's get some words done!

Type...type...snore...

Wake up with a jolt. F**! Okay...what did I just write?

She leaned up against the wall, trembling, egg in hand...he said, "what the hell is wrong with you?"
Walls stone. His voice made her feel guilty. Marta not knowing she tried lying to him. Elya stared angrily at the sound of her voice.

Snore...

Shit. I'm awake. Now I need to retype that whole damn thing. Enya should keep me awake. Zzzzz. Okay, maybe not Enya maybe 80s...zzzz....back to Enya....zzzz

Read what I wrote: "He stirred in his emotions body laying dead on the floor. She didn't care her Papa was dead. Dowry important."

* * *

I don't even know why I'm bothering right now. My husband says that I shouldn't be writing at the moment and accept the fact that for the next few weeks my brain will be mush. Geesh. I've been trying to write for 2 hours now and have written two paragraphs that I've had to delete and type over again. Ugh.

 

Hey Chessie--there's almost always a silver lining. I'd say that this is a testament to dedication. Very admirable. I usually feel I have to be pretty whole of mind and body to write, though I have my sloggy days like everyone else.

 

Thank you for the encouragement, Incanus.

 

Boom, last law school final is done. By this time next week I will have my degree and studying for the bar.

This is kind of how it feels.

TFS clip: BUYA MOTHER FUCKER!!! - YouTube

 

Congrats Brian!!

 

Congrats Brian!

Awesome moment of the day: I was helping my parents clean out the basement and found a box of old papers and cards. Looked in one addressed to me and found $100! Cha-ching!

 

Sweet! Pizza is on you!

 

"Writers end up writing stories—or rather, stories’ shadows—and they’re grateful if they can, but it is not enough. Nothing the writer can do is ever enough."
- Joy Williams

 

I think there must be something about me that makes people want to be friends with me and then decide to ignore or altogether abandon me for no reason. Considering how frequently it happens, its getting silly to see it as something wrong with them.

 

I have this exact thing happen to me all the time...and I'm now 38. The conclusion I've come to is that most people just come in and out of our lives like seasons. It also depends on your personality. I'm very loyal but blunt, and I speak truth regardless of who it offends. I do use tender words and try to be as understanding/compassionate as I can be when interacting with other people...but this rubs folks the wrong way most of the time.

Idk if it's the social circles I used to roam in or what, but most people I met didn't want deep friendship with me. They seemed to prefer friendship with people who would/do kiss their asses, party with them, and have a surface type of relationship. I've had my party days and they got me absolutely nowhere. I stopped doing that shit somewhere around 31, met my husband, got married, etc. When I partied, most of my friendships were fleeting and I have less than a handful of people that I can actually call true friends whom I've known forever.

I'm currently experiencing what you're going through but it's slightly different. About 8 months ago, I was seriously injured at work (thus my recent surgery). Everyone...and I mean EVERYONE...there except for two people have literally turned their backs on me but stuck the knife in on the way out. There's a whole lot going on and it seems like my ex-coworkers feel the need to make the situation worse by being completely cruel and heartless. I was good friends with a lot of these people. Some went to my wedding. We were there for each other during heavy crisis and etc. It's unbelievably uncool and I've been really upset about it.

But all we can do is keep moving forward and appreciate who/what we have in our lives. My husband is my best friend and we have a couple of core people in our lives that I would take a bullet for. Maybe several. Those are the people who count, people who are real with you and have always shown that's who they will be for YOU and you for THEM.

So count your blessings, even if there doesn't appear to be a whole lot of them. As I approach 40, the people who count are my family and our friends who we consider such. The average co-worker or person who smiles in my face and says, "let's go for a hike, or coffee, or whatever"....I've decided to let that go for now. Trust me when I say that I completely understand how you feel and how painful it is, but the reality is that most folks only want superficial friendships because they're that way as well.

It's not you. Life brings us friends in seasons and sometimes, we have good friends for years that we need to cut loose. Over the past 2 years, I've had to do that a lot and it hurts everytime. But at the end of the day, I curl up against my husband and thank God he's there. Someday you'll have a person like this in your life, too, and then the BS won't matter as much.

 

Ha, oh don't get me wrong. I prefer to go on hikes over anything else because I love being in nature, but a lot of people can't hang...even if I bring a peace pipe. Alaska is full of flaky people. They'll say, "yeah, take me on the trail" BUT when the day comes they don't want to go, are hung over, or complain the entire time. However, I do love parties. I'm a very loud, chatty, giggly person and so is my husband, so we have bbq and get togethers all the time at our house or go to ones at friends's houses.

But for deep friendships, most people I meet don't want that with me. I don't really drink anymore and spend all of my time writing or parenting or wifeying. I don't have time for fakeness, which is what seems to roll my way. So Devouring Wolf, it's not you, baby. Most people are lame. Seriously.

 

Thank you all for the well wishes.

Cute moment of the day. Took a walk with my son to the local library. He fell asleep on the way home. The library is an exciting place people! For the past ten minutes I've been trying to put him in his bed but he refuses. He kind of wakes up, plops his head back on my shoulder and proceeds to fall back asleep.

 

I hope that was our last snowstorm of the season!

Photos: Parts of Colorado high country buried under four feet of snow; One foot in Denver - The Washington Post

 

So GRRM is hinting about the potential of a GoT spinoff...

'Game of Thrones': George R.R. Martin has a spinoff suggestion | EW.com

 

I think we can all agree to this statement.

 

Today I ate lentil for the first time in my 23 years. I am confused and amazed.

 

“It is very strange, this domination of our intellect by our digestive organs. We cannot work, we cannot think, unless our stomach wills so. It dictates to us our emotions, our passions. After eggs and bacon it says, "Work!" After beefsteak and porter, it says, "Sleep!" After a cup of tea (two spoonfuls for each cup, and don't let it stand for more than three minutes), it says to the brain, "Now rise, and show your strength. Be eloquent, and deep, and tender; see, with a clear eye, into Nature, and into life: spread your white wings of quivering thought, and soar, a god-like spirit, over the whirling world beneath you, up through long lanes of flaming stars to the gates of eternity!”

Jerome Jerome

 

Mine just says, "Oh no, not again."

Kindred to the bowl of petunias.

 

Watching my dogs negotiate who goes down the stairs first on our way to the park, I wish my nieces and nephews were able to be so diplomatic, and I know I'm going to wish this much more intently, and with some curse words in between, tomorrow when I put hands to work and fix the gashes they made all along the staircase during their last visit.