So Young But I Feel So Old :(

[Addison]

I'm twenty two, in college with a split-yet-loving family. But for weeks I've felt like I'm fifty. Like I've run out of time to do thing I want to do. It's like a little cartoon clock is dancing around my head with the minute hand reaching closer and closer to "Time's Up!".

I've been to the doctor and medically there's nothing wrong. He suggested I was worn out and just needed sleep and relaxation, which I've been doing. Surprisingly I've felt older since that diagnosis.

Have you ever felt like this? How did you get rid of the feeling?

 

[Penpilot]

I get like that occasionally. When I was in university, life seem to pause. I didn't have much free time, so in some ways I was missing out. As someone much older, the best way for me is to just go do something, create something. Write, draw, go out and have some laughs with friends, use my time. Relatively speaking, you are young, with--knock on wood--many decades ahead of you and if you were to live to the age of the world oldest person, a whole century.

I recently got sick, not life threatening, but let's say I got a two month peak into what it's like to live in the body of someone much older and suffering. I had a lot of time to think. It's not the amount of time we have, it's what we do with it. If you want to do something do it, no hesitation, no regret, and no fear. Don't think "I don't have the time", think about how "I can make the time."

 

[ThinkerX]

I am fifty. I am tired much of the time.

About the time I was your age, I aquired a little cartoon black and white poster which has hung on the wall or fridge of the places I've lived. It shows a upset kid, maybe ten or twelve years old. The caption reads:

'God put me on this earth to do a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind I will never die.'

 

[Philip Overby]

You're ten years younger than me, so let me just say what others have and will say, "Don't waste time feeling like you're wasting time." If I was twenty two again, I'd probably have made some different choices, but that's what we all say. I'm mostly happy with the choices I've made in life (except for diet wise) so it's up to you to take advantage of your youth while it's there in front of you. I think because more and more writers are publishing younger and such it makes other older writers feel like they wasted time in some ways. I feel like that sometimes. My problem has always been finishing things, but every day I'm getting closer and closer to my goals. Life is most of the time small steps that seem like they take forever. Just take the time to enjoy your family, friends, and whatever else you care about. When it's over, it's over. So make this one count.

 

[CupofJoe]

My suggestion would be to find something you love doing and do that for some time each day/week/month [depending on what it is]. During that time you are not allowed to think about anything else that is going on, or how you could be spending the time "more productively". You just have to enjoy the time. It might be walking in a park or learning to scuba-dive, go fishing, or build and paint a model army...
I'm lucky, I love trees and woods and I work on a beautiful campus. So every day [ahem, okay most days] I go and look at the different trees around the grounds and try to learn what they look like as the year changes them. I'm away from my desk, walk about a mile and see that trees really don't give much of a damn for thing other than sun and water. Not that they talk to me, you understand, or at least they don't reply when I talk. I am making friends with some remarkably tame squirrels.

 

[GeekDavid]

I think you're stressing too much over being stressed.

Here's a lesson I learned, strangely enough, on Amtrak (the American passenger rail service, for those who don't know about it). The trick is to make getting there part of the fun.

For the record, I'm not afraid of flying, I grew up flying around the country because my late father got moved quite often by his job -- I went to four kindergartens in one year. However, I find train travel, when I have the time, to be a lot more relaxing. The scenery is beautiful, if you get up to stretch your legs you can actually go somewhere (like the lounge/observation car), and when it's meal time you eat at a real table instead of a tray attached to the back of the chair in front of you.

By traveling by train, I make the trip to my destination part of the fun, and it really makes a difference, I think.

So don't stress so much about the trip. Make it part of the fun.

 

[Addison]

Thank you all for the advice.

I think what my problem is, after much digging and soul searching last night, is that I'm tired of fighting and busting my butt for everything. As I said in my first post my family is split. Fractured, splintered, toothpicks held together by old marshmallows. And I'm the one holding it together. I've been fighting myself by balancing time with my father and my mother and each time I'm at either house I'm keeping things together. If I'm not helping in their lives and my relationships then I'm busting my butt in school and what social life I have (which isn't much). All my life I've been fighting not just to keep what I have but to get things I shoudn't have to fight for, like appreciation or love. How do I end the fight? After it being programmed into my head for years so it's as much a part of me as breathing and writing, how do I stop fighting to I can start living?

 

[Nihal]

You can try starting to not give a f**k. xD

Okay, it's a bit cynical, but some things just aren't worth fighting for. If someone doesn't want help himself, why do you need to tear yourself to pieces to help him? At some point it'll be enough and you'll just have to let it go. You tried, you did your part. You can't solve the issue all by yourself. It's not working.

Also, another advice I can give as someone who tends to take some things too seriously: Stop, relax and think if this thing in particular is worth all the drama. A quick way I've found to evaluate this is to ponder if this particular issue will still be important in one, two, five years.

 

[GeekDavid]

Also, another advice I can give as someone who tends to take some things too seriously: Stop, relax and think if this thing in particular is worth all the drama. A quick way I've found to evaluate this is to ponder if this particular issue will still be important in one, two, five years.

A former Marine friend of mine used to say that as "is this the hill you want to die on?" Same idea, though.

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

how do I stop fighting so I can start living?

Stop fighting and start living.

Yeah… easier said than done, but you are young. I think when I'm fifty I'll play video games with my by-then teenage daughters. And Cowboy Bebop… they need to see that when it's age-appropriate. Point is, I won't feel fifty when I'm fifty. I don't feel forty now, so I think I can keep that up for at least another decade.

As for what Nihal said about not caring too much (not her exact words, but that's the gist I think), that's a lesson I learned as a teacher. No… not true. I learned that as an accountant, then had to learn it again when I changed careers. The short version is this: if you care too much that you stress out over whether you succeed, you're more likely to fail and you really feel that failure.

That not-caring-too-much thing actually applies to the social life as well. There was a time I thought I'd never marry. It has something to do with a lack of second dates at the time. I'm talking six girls in a row. I thought I was hopeless. Then I realized I WAS hopeless and would continue to be—as long as I cared so much about 'success' or what people might have thought of me when I dated a girl who talked to the waiter instead of me or asked if I'm in the mafia as soon as I mentioned I'm half-Italian. I just stopped worrying so much, and the next girl I dated… well, that didn't work out, but at least it was the second date when things went bad. We ended on a friendly note, and agreed to stay in touch until one of us met someone. I did meet someone, so I asked the "ex" what went wrong in her opinion so I wouldn't make the same mistake twice in a row. I don't know if her advice helped with the next girl, but I married her seven years ago today. So it didn't hurt.

 

[Addison]

...I married her seven years ago today. So it didn't hurt.

Happy Anniversary.

I am currently making a list of all the things I'm fighting for (and against in some cases) and upon completion will brutally scratch out the fights that don't matter now or in years to come.

Thank you all.

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

Another way you could do this is start a list of which battles you can/will/should fight.

Start with ONE—the most important one. Now ask some 'reality check' questions: Can the battle be won? Can you win it alone? Should you be the only one fighting it? Who else should be?

I say that because you mentioned a family splitting up. You can't keep a family together by yourself, make a relationship work by yourself, etc. Whatever battle your fighting, there should be someone else fighting that battle on your side. There are some things in life that can't be stress-free, so you need to find a way to make those things less stressful.

Also, keep the list short. Limit the number of battles you fight alone to 1.