When do you change tense? ing vs ed

[Androxine Vortex]

I know that when you choose to write in a particular tense you have to keep the rest of the supporting text in that same tense. But are there exceptions to this rule?

For instance, I have this except:

Barren trees swayed in the cool wind. Their naked branches shivering from the sudden chill.

Would "shivering" be fine as it is or does it have to be changed to shivered?"

 

[BWFoster78]

Would "shivering" be fine as it is or does it have to be changed to shivered?"

If you're using the verb form of "shiver," it has to remain consistently past tense. "Shivering" is not correct in the sentence you wrote and must be changed to "shivered."

Now, something like this would be okay:

Barren trees swayed in the cool wind, and shivering branches shook from the sudden chill.

(If you ignore that shivering branches shaking is redundant, anyway. The example is meant to illustrate that "shivering" can be used if it's not being used as a verb, not to try to convince you to change the sentence.)

Note that the only time it's okay to shift tense is inside dialogue. It's considered SOP to have dialogue be primarily present tense.

 

[Androxine Vortex]

If you're using the verb form of "shiver," it has to remain consistently past tense. "Shivering" is not correct in the sentence you wrote and must be changed to "shivered."

Now, something like this would be okay:

Barren trees swayed in the cool wind, and shivering branches shook from the sudden chill.

(If you ignore that shivering branches shaking is redundant, anyway. The example is meant to illustrate that "shivering" can be used if it's not being used as a verb, not to try to convince you to change the sentence.)

Note that the only time it's okay to shift tense is inside dialogue. It's considered SOP to have dialogue be primarily present tense.

Alright thanks. I was 99% sure that if you chose to write in past tense then the rest of your story had to follow past tense. I just thought there might be an exception to that rule, as most rules in the English language state that there are no exceptions around them, except for a few exceptions. And even those exceptions have exceptions.

Edit: But for some reason (to me) it reads funny. "Their naked branches shivered from the sudden chill." I don't know why but it just seems, off. Maybe because I originally wrote it in present tense and always feel weird about changing things once I write it down, even though I know things need to be edited.

 

[Anders Ämting]

Barren trees swayed in the cool wind. Their naked branches shivering from the sudden chill.

While I'm not sure how technically correct it is, I would find this acceptable if it was one sentence:

"Barren trees swayed in the cool wind, their naked branches shivering from the sudden chill."

As two sentences, I would make it "shivered" instead.

 

[Steerpike]

You can combine the two forms in a sentence as follows:

Barren trees swayed in the cool wind, shivering from the sudden chill.

I don't think there is anything wrong with that. "Shivering" seems to be a participle, and the verb form should not be confused with tense in that instance. If you add the word "branches" before shivering, is it still a participle (or participial phrase as above?):

Barren trees swayed in the cool wind, branches shivering from the sudden chill.

Not sure if that still counts as a participle or not, but I'd be fine with it personally.

Don't make the mistake of assuming every -ing verb indicates the present tense. My understanding of participles is that a common mistake is assuming that the past or present verb forms of a participle correspond to past and present tense. That leads people to take perfectly good sentences and replace them with some more awkward phrasing because they think there is a tense issue when there isn't.

 

[Steerpike]

While I'm not sure how technically correct it is, I would find this acceptable if it was one sentence:

"Barren trees swayed in the cool wind, their naked branches shivering from the sudden chill."

As two sentences, I would make it "shivered" instead.

Yep. That's exactly what I would do, depending on whether it was one sentence or two.

 

[Chilari]

Barren trees swayed in the cool wind. Their naked branches shivering from the sudden chill.

The second sentence is not correct. If you keep the wording as it is, it should be a second clause to the first sentence, not stand alone. There's no active verb. "Shivered" would be a verb suitable to promote it to a sentence, but "shivering" is not. Alternatively, adding "were" after "branches" would be acceptable, though passive and thus not ideal.

The version as it is isn't exactly in present tense. It doesn't really have a tense at all, whether past or present, because it's not got a proper verb. So your question about changing tense from present to past is redundant, because that's not really what we're talking about here. Present tense would be:

"Their naked branches shiver from the sudden chill."

But in any case, as Brian has said, tense should be consistent, with present only being used in dialogue, or in sections deliberately picked out, not meant to be part of the main narrative, such as a dream, vision, alternative point of view of an otherworldly creature with a different perspective on time, etc.

 

[Androxine Vortex]

I guess there's no reason why I couldn't combine the two sentences that might work out for the better. I think I made them separate because I'm trying to work on varying my sentence length

 

[SeverinR]

"Barren trees swayed in the cool wind. Their naked branches shivering from the sudden chill."

How about "Barren trees swayed in the cool wind. Their naked branches were shivering from the sudden chill."
"were" would be past tense, shivering would be the action.

My proof reader noticed this alot in my writing, I would write an past action, then expand on it in present tense.

 

[Butterfly]

I am assuming we're all writing sentences about sentient trees because normally trees can't feel a sudden chill so therefore can't shiver because of it.

I'd write it as one sentence.

Barren trees swayed in the cool wind, the branches shivering as if from the sudden chill.

 

[Guru Coyote]

Alternatively, adding "were" after "branches" would be acceptable, though passive and thus not ideal.

Ah, thanks, I was about to ask about adding a were-form here

 

[SeverinR]

Do we need silver bullets for Were-form?

 

[Guru Coyote]

Do we need silver bullets for Were-form?

Were-forms can only be killed by power-point bullets. The same is true for were-clauses.

 

[Lock]

You can combine the two forms in a sentence as follows:

Barren trees swayed in the cool wind, shivering from the sudden chill.

I don't think there is anything wrong with that. "Shivering" seems to be a participle, and the verb form should not be confused with tense in that instance. If you add the word "branches" before shivering, is it still a participle (or participial phrase as above?):

Barren trees swayed in the cool wind, branches shivering from the sudden chill.

Not sure if that still counts as a participle or not, but I'd be fine with it personally.

I think you are right Steerpike, counting the spines on this Mexican sierra, we've got shivering as a participle phrase (or participial: I don't know if there is a difference), branches is an appositive and a synecdoche for trees, and one only has to look at the verb to discover the tense of any sentence.

Also, I recommend reducing the amount of adjectives used in the sentence(s)--as every noun does not need to be modified.

Barren trees swayed in the cool wind. Their naked branches shivering from the sudden chill.

Breaking this down, cool implies that the wind is cool for someone unmentioned or that the trees are being personified, barren and naked are redundant, as are cool and chill, and swayed and shivering are similar but different motions that confuse the imagery through subtle contradiction.

One way to convey nearly the same propositions could be: The naked branches shivered from the sudden cold. If you want to dig into deeper levels of abstraction I recommend using a cumulative sentence.