Feo Takahari
Auror
I'm editing a fanfic by a Swedish fellow, who often uses constructions that are a bit unusual in English. In one particular case, I'm genuinely unsure whether or not the construction used is considered "acceptable." Below:
Is that way of writing a split-up sentence okay? If not, how should it be written?
“Spike, I know Rarity keeps a few bathrobes for customers behind the privacy screen. Why don’t you…” She led him to said screen and gently pushed him behind it. “Get changed, while Rarity and I...” Fluttershy walked over to her friend and linked arms, leading the fashionista towards the kitchen. “Make some tea and talk a bit, okay?”
Is that way of writing a split-up sentence okay? If not, how should it be written?
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