Help with conversions on new book

[Holoman]

Hi

I published my book a few weeks ago and am trying to improve my conversion rate. Currently about 2-3% of those sent to the Amazon page buy it and I want to know if there is some way I can improve what's on the page, particularly from you fantasy readers. I don't know if I'm allowed to post a link to the Amazon page so I'll just copy the page here exactly as it appears.


Oblivion: An Epic Fantasy (Rakkan Conquest: Book 1)

How does a godlike warrior with amnesia know who to fight?

Darius wakes up in the middle of a battle surrounded by blood. The only thing he remembers is an event equally bloody and harrowing from his childhood.

With no idea who is friend or foe, he must fight his way through the war-torn empire in search of safety, away from the powerful Archimedes whose army hunts him. Who he was and why they want him, he doesn’t know. A beautiful warrior named Lex alleges she can help him reclaim his memories, but can he trust her?

As he flees, he begins to question who he really was. Is he ready to discover the horrifying truth?

What are your impressions? Anything putting you off, or failing to grip you?

 

[skip.knox]

First, is a 2-3% buy rate poor? Great? Average?

 

[Holoman]

First, is a 2-3% buy rate poor? Great? Average?

According to other authors I've spoke to, it's not great, but not terrible. Some say a great description will get a 10% buy rate.

 

[Demesnedenoir]

First, how do you know your conversion rate? Your book is Kindle Unlimited, and Amazon is opaque. Where are you coming up with your number?

How much traffic are you driving?

I’d also say, your blurb would do nothing to sell the book to me. But, there are a number of things that alter conversion rates, whatever they might actually be.

 

[Demesnedenoir]

This will al be opinion of course, but... Opening with a question is old hat, and doesn’t hook me at all. I know, I know, you’ll see that recommended all over the place, from novels to screenplays, but unless that question has an uber hook (and I’d prefer an emotional “got ya” here) I’d skip it. If you want the question raised, raise it without asking it.

Line 2: Is this something you want as a writing sample? My editor brain snaps at “wakes up” and “equally bloody” but the bigger issue here is it evokes nothing emotionally, and paints almost nothing. This is rather off the top of my head, but there are two things which might be a goal in such a small space: Make me feel & make me see, and you’ve chosen an event and memory as your vehicle. As written, they don’t make me feel nor do they make me see. The only visual is “battle surrounded by blood” which is about as vague as can be, and then equally bloody not only tosses in a badverb, but doubles down on the vague, which is the unfortunate strong point of badverbs.

Line 3: “in search of safety” is not evocative. It doesn’t set much of a goal for a godlike warrior. The stakes are forgotten, which complicates things. And then the repeition hammers the reader: We’ve got amnesia, only thing he remembers, no idea who friend or foe is, who he was, why they want him, he doesn’t know, and then...

In line 4 he begins to question who he really was? Really, I think he’s been questioning that for a while now. Plus, discovering horrifying truths is such a cliche, or trope, or whatever you want to call it that it will do little to nothing to pique my curiosity.

I went through many versions of blurbs for Eve of Snows, and they were okay, but I didn’t write the one I use now until I got a piece of advice, and I’ve no idea who to credit, but it went something like this: Think of several books from major publishers and go check out their blurbs, these probably aren’t written by the author, but from the publisher’s people, and they’ve many more years of writing blurbs and marketing expertise than writers do. See what they do. If you find one you love and which seems to sort of fit the style and target audience of your own book, study it, and rewrite it for your book. Rewrite it some more, until it’s your own but still hits the beats of their marketing scheme. Borrow their market research, and ply it to your work.

Now, having glanced at your prologue, what is the emotioal heart of that prologue? His little brother is dead and his mom hits him, blames him for the infant’s death. Ouch. Side note: I don’t think you play that for all its worth in the prologue, but hammer that plot beat into the blurb to evoke emotion in the potential buyer, and you might get more eyes on the sample, and it’s more likely the sample which wil sell your book. My personal opinion is that Reviews, Star Rating, Blurb, Cover... they’re all to get someone to read the sample, and it’s the sample which will sell or not sell the book. Unless the book is by an author I know, I can’t imagine buying a book without reading the sample. A KU download? Sure, maybe. But put out cash? Nope. I doubt most people do.

How does a godlike warrior with amnesia know who to fight?

Darius wakes up in the middle of a battle surrounded by blood. The only thing he remembers is an event equally bloody and harrowing from his childhood.

With no idea who is friend or foe, he must fight his way through the war-torn empire in search of safety, away from the powerful Archimedes whose army hunts him. Who he was and why they want him, he doesn’t know. A beautiful warrior named Lex alleges she can help him reclaim his memories, but can he trust her?

As he flees, he begins to question who he really was. Is he ready to discover the horrifying truth?

What are your impressions? Anything putting you off, or failing to grip you?