Controlling my temper

[Jabrosky]

In light of recent events in this forum, I wish to both apologize for recent posts I have made and must confess the following:

I am very easily angered. That's been the case as long as I can remember, but I don't know where it comes from; my dad thinks it's a genetic trait I inherited from him and his male ancestors. I've been banned from at least one other forum for insulting other posters, and things have apparently not gotten better. I wish I knew a way to stop losing my temper so often, but nothing seems to work, not even medication. What should I do?

And sorry for calling Steerpike a primitive invertebrate.

 

[Steerpike]

Jabrosky, you don't have to apologize to me. I spend a fair amount of time on forums that go so far beyond the pale in terms of political discussion to make this all look quite tame. You're not making me mad or making me feel insulted. I mean, you and I do not know each other so I figure there is a limit on how seriously any insults can be taken. It is mostly humorous in both directions, in my view (though I'm open to the possibility that I'm the only one who finds me funny). I did actually laugh at the invertebrate comment.

On the other hand, if you're really getting angry, then I'm sorry and I'll lay off the sarcastic comments and what have you. I don't see any reason for a conversation on an internet forum to move to a point where a real person sitting at a computer somewhere is really upset by it. I don't find that funny, and I'm certainly not interested in angering or hurting someone's feelings in real life. I have pretty thick skin and that doesn't always provide a good gauge of how other people are reading things.

In any event, my more snide comments are intended more in the spirit of internet banter than anything else. But I can see where it is disruptive to the forums, and if they are really bothering people then there is no call for it. As far as I am concerned it is forgotten and I thank you for your post. For the record, I have no hard feelings toward you or any other member of the forums, and I don't suppose I ever will have.

 

[Chilari]

Perhaps one way to keep your anger away from the forums would be to write replies in a Word file instead of on the forum, and then when you've got your frustration out then write a new reply for the forums with a calmer, more neutral tone?

Anger and confrontational language have no place here. We welcome reasoned, logical, civil debate but the moment the language becomes insulting, involves personal attacks, or is angry or confrontational in tone the topic will be closed and some posts edited to remove this kind of language.

Topics on religion and politics tend to be a magnet for this kind of language, even amongst usually calm people, because they inspire passion. Thus these topics should be avoided in general, unless there is a valid writing-related discussion related to it and a tone of openness, acceptance and willingness to listen to all points of view, and not attack them on the basis of disagreement with them.

We want a happy, welcoming forum here, and political discussions, as has been demonstrated in the last few days, don't make that easy.

 

[Justme]

I have an anger too, but i learned to cope with it by taking an eternal inventory of who I was and noted how far I was away from who I wanted to be. I learned that the more sacred cows I have the more I was unwilling to compromise I am as skeptical of myself as I am of others and I've learned not to take myself so seriously as I've done in my past.

I've found out the more I learn, the more there is to learn and I can't do that if I know everything. I don't know crap and much of what I do know might just be nothing more than crap. Everything else is prioritized.

As for my posts, I've stopped making them, sence they are not accomplishing what I've set out to try and I have no desire to bring grief to the staff here. Since most of my advisory posts in other threads have been ignored there seems to be fewer and fewer reasons to be here. I dislike wasting others time!

 

[Steerpike]

@Justme I think your posts in the various threads are valuable. If someone doesn't respond to them directly, keep in mind that others of us, who might not even be active in a particular thread, are still getting the benefit of what you have to say. I suspect it is true of most threads that a lot more people are reading through them and taking something from them than ever actually post anything.

 

[Devor]

As for my posts, I've stopped making them, sence they are not accomplishing what I've set out to try and I have no desire to bring grief to the staff here. Since most of my advisory posts in other threads have been ignored there seems to be fewer and fewer reasons to be here. I dislike wasting others time!

I suppose that's for you to decide, but I don't think anyone thinks you're wasting their time, Justme.

Topics on religion and politics tend to be a magnet for this kind of language, even amongst usually calm people, because they inspire passion. Thus these topics should be avoided in general, unless there is a valid writing-related discussion related to it and a tone of openness, acceptance and willingness to listen to all points of view, and not attack them on the basis of disagreement with them.

Is that now the policy? No politics unless it connects to a writing question?

 

[Black Dragon]

I think that we, as a community, should take a break from politics for a while. As we've seen over the past 48 hours, political discussion has tremendous destructive potential. It can tear apart the fabric of our community, and leave residual mistrust and anger.

 

[Chilari]

Not the official policy, but certainly what I would strongly advise.

Certainly if politics is discussed it must remain calm and rational, and insulting or confrontational behaviour will not be permitted. Remember the forum rules!

 

[Black Dragon]

New Policy:

http://mythicscribes.com/forums/news-announcements/3634-no-more-politics.html

Thank you for cooperating.

 

[Devor]

Define political. Any kind of debate having anything to do with two or more people can be political.

From the sound of it, anything about the policies and candidates directly relevant to the upcoming elections is now off-limits, unless it's pertinent to writing fantasy.

((edit)) Completely unfair if anybody is writing satire about the president being replaced by wizards.

 

[Aidan of the tavern]

Well I'm just glad you didn't call Steerpike anything worse than a primitive invertebrate.

I was not present at the now infamous discussion, partly by choice, so I don't know what triggered your anger. However I can't help feeling it was someone's views which you didn't share. If this is the case then it's not uncommon to be irritated by being unable to agree, but when I'm in that situation (and I've been in a few) I put myself in perspective. I'm one person, there are many people, we all have our own opinions, something we are certainly entitled to. I want the others to continue the discussion with respect to my opinions, and that means respecting theirs. As I say, I don't know the opinions that were being exchanged in the topic, I don't much care, but its important to remember that while your opinions make sense to you they can't always be best for everyone. Don't assume that your stance is the only valid one and that everyone is misguided. Question your stance, as you would have them question their's. Offer you opinions, never force them. Even in a heated argument try and stay focused. Think about the post you're responding to and about your reply, as opposed to speedily typing up retorts. Staying cool in an argument is something that will go noticed and appreciated.

Sorry if all that was irrelevent, just thought I would throw in my thoughts.

 

[Steerpike]

I don't have a problem with invertebrates, but I was hoping to be a modern one, you know, with a Starbucks card and a Netflix subscription. It was pretty funny, though.

 

[Reaver]

My friend Steerpike

Clearly Steerpike is a sentient cat that who can type. Any other theories are absurd.

 

[Steerpike]

One of many sentient cats. My brethren wait in the wings, and by the time you learn of them it will be too late!

Oh, wait, am I typing this publicly?

 

[Caged Maiden]

That could be a great opening to a novel... just saying.

 

[Reaver]

That could be a great opening to a novel... just saying.

That's what I said!

 

[Ravana]

What should I do?

Remember that you're writing, not talking.

Seriously: you are under no compulsion to hit the "post" button as soon as you run out of steam. At the very least, go back and do a start-to-finish edit. Not only are you more likely to cool down a bit, or realize that something you wrote might be (mis)perceived by another as confrontational, but it's also good practice. (I don't even post one-line responses without re-reading them at least two or three times. Which, no doubt, contributes heavily to so few of my responses being one line.… ) If you don't trust your ability to mitigate your anger that way, don't compose your responses online at all: do them offline, and post them only when you're satisfied with them.

The same applies to everybody: I only use "you" because you're the one who asked the question. And thank you for doing so. More people ought to, I'd say.