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How can I get a fluffy reading flow?

How to create a fluffy reading flow? To have it is another pair of shoes than to have an awesome writing style. I mean I can use every complex comparison which I think out. But is it good for the flow? Maybe not. So, what are your best tips for a nice reading flow which doesn’t create eye cancer? If you know what I mean.
 

Tom

Istar
I'm not sure what you mean--how to create a style that's easy and enjoyable to read? If that's the case, I have a few tips.

Break up large paragraphs so that your reader has a chance to breathe. Having huge chunks of text on a page is intimidating.

Vary your sentence structure and length. Follow a long sentence with a short one, and vice versa. This creates a nice rhythm and keeps your writing from sounding repetitive.

Use strong verbs and nouns instead of relying on adjectives and adverbs. There's nothing wrong with them, but putting in too many can congest your writing. Simple, impactful words make for a more interesting reading experience.

I hope that helps! If you ever need writing advice I'd be more than happy to give it.
 
Tom Do you mean like this?:

Cold air streams through the office. It tickles my legs and lifts my honey blonde 80s bob easily as if it were a skirt.
 

pmmg

Myth Weaver
Ill take a stab at it....

Reading flow to me is just that every sentence seems to naturally follow after the one before, and contains the right number of beats as it sounds out in my head.

I tell people, writing in fiction is not much different than you were told in school (I would assume). Paragraphs are topic sentence, three supporting ideas and conclusion. Clearly, in fiction writing not every paragraph is going to follow that, heck, most of them may not be more than a sentence, but its a good guideline. If you open your paragraph with the subject being about a car, then keep the paragraph about the car. And if it opens with Sally doing the speaking, then don't switch to Marcy somewhere in the middle.

A rule I sometimes mention, is what I call the rule of three. Things sound better in threes (IMO if you must). Three supporting sentences, three details, three actions...however you choose apply it. The car was big and blue -vs- the car was big and blue and rusty. The one with three flows better, least that's how I am gonna call it.

Beat is hardest (and also the easiest). I think it falls along the lines of Iambic pentameter, though I have not really studied it. But if I am reading it in my head and the beat is suddenly off, it reads funny. Fortunately, it is easy spot, and will be one of those things that just makes a sentence look wrong even when it does not seem to be. I think it becomes easy cause it falls along the lines of our natural speaking voices, but becomes hard when it is off and we cant really identify why.

I think this might easier to show with poetry

Sometimes
The short poems
are hardest
to write

Sometimes the
Short Poems
are hardest to
write

Does one seem to be hitting on the wrong beats to you?


If flow is working though, then there a great opportunity to start punching ideas in by playing with it. A long stream of sentences and then one that is just a word or two words, it stands out, and that is when applying the craft, I think, is the most fun.


Arthur swung his sword wildly as the dragon twisted and hissed. Energy hummed through his hands and into his arms as the giant blade resonated its magical power. Flames gushed around, flames and a toxic torrents of putrid smoke. He closed his eyes and lunged forward, letting the blade itself guide his aim. It struck.

Anyway, there is a lot that can be said about all the aspects of writing. All of it, however, is stuff we just get better at the more we do...so the best advice, is go do.
 
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Demesnedenoir

Myth Weaver
Tom Do you mean like this?:

Cold air streams through the office. It tickles my legs and lifts my honey blonde 80s bob easily as if it were a skirt.

Not bad, consider killing the “easily” it’s superfluous. I’m not big on equating hair with a skirt... but hey, that’s just me. This is a small sample, so flow is hard to judge but it seems to hit Tom’s point.
 

pmmg

Myth Weaver
Well...if this were a steamy romance, I might keep the imagery of a skirt. It does start off on her legs and moves up.... But some skirts are not so easy to lift (le sigh).

Cold air streams through the office. It tickles my legs and lifts my honey blonde 80s bob easily as if it were a skirt.

I think this sentence works. I might write it different if it was my own voice but...I do think the imagery it congers ought to match the story. If its not a romance and not about drawing attention to skirts, I would question the use of that as the comparison.
 

Svrtnsse

Staff
Article Team
Flow...
I've thought a lot about it and don't really have much in the way of tangible advice to give for it. I've got two things though.

1. Avoid using words you are not intimately familiar with. The less familiar you are with a word, the more likely you are to have the wrong feel for it and the less likely you are to use it right.
2. Read things you enjoy reading. If you enjoy it, it's likely to be good (regardless of what anyone else tells you), and you'll pick up on what works and what doesn't. At least, that's the theory.

As for the example sentence, I'd go with:
Cold air streams through the office. It tickles my legs and lifts my hair like a fan lifts a skirt.

I personally try to avoid mixing description of objects with description of events. This is a stylistic choice and I know a lot of others don't have a problem with it.

My take on the original example is that adding in "honey blonde 80s bob" takes attention away from the wind and from how it lifts the air like a skirt. It's a little too much information about different things and it gets confusing. This too disrupts the flow. I'd also have used eighties, instead of 80s, as I don't like mixing up numbers with the prose.

Thinking about it more, I probably would have picked a different metaphor as well. When wind lifts a skirt in any way worth mentioning it usually lifts it quite a bit - enough that you'd notice and that you'd hold it down if you were the wearer of the skirt. If a wind does that to the hair it's probably a pretty strong wind.
What I'm getting at here is that it's not just the words themselves that need to flow, their contents need to flow as well. The images conjured up by the words need to come easily, and they need to play well together.

In short, there are a lot of things to think about.

Also, keep in mind that the above are my thoughts and what works for me. It may not work for anyone else, and I'm sure there are plenty of people who'll have a thing or two to say about it. ;)
 

Demesnedenoir

Myth Weaver
Well, I’d never write that line... I never had an 80’s bob. Those were my punk and hard rock days, heh heh.

it’s fine as is for that sort of line... minus the easily.
 

skip.knox

toujours gai, archie
Moderator
Honestly, you are focusing at way too detailed a level. Concentrate on the story. There is no writing without story.

Do you have a story to tell? Can you describe it in a paragraph?
 
And this one:

Everywhere in the office are employees. The office is a typical American one. Small, grey, on a long site stands, open boxes which are equal. The desk, the computer, the shelves and so on. Everything is the same. Maybe then one or other family photo. Otherwise, absolutely equal.
Outside the sun burns through the window. So, we have fans which cool us down.
The cold air arrives my one, too. It tickles my legs and lifts my bob. It’s a honey blonde 90s bob. I sit near the huge windows. That’s why I always wear a black pilot sunglass when I am working.
The typing of the keyboard is clearly. ...
 

Tom

Istar
Tom Do you mean like this?:

Cold air streams through the office. It tickles my legs and lifts my honey blonde 80s bob easily as if it were a skirt.

This is a really good example of sentence variation. But yeah, I'll echo the above commentors--focusing on the story is more important than capturing every detail. It's something I've struggled with myself, as a visual-oriented writer.
 
Tom Sometimes the detail is very important. For example, the look of the character. I mean can you imagine Harry Potter without his lightning scar? Or Indie from Indiana Jones without his hat or without his typical whip? The setting can be also important. Or can you imagine the Jurassic Park without dinosaurs?
 

Demesnedenoir

Myth Weaver
Potter’s scar and dinosaurs are parts of the stories. Indie’s hat was a just a convenience while filming that caught on, heh heh. Most details of setting are forgotten.

But I think it was more worry about story more than writing perfect. Which is often good advice. But not always.
 

Demesnedenoir

Myth Weaver
Demesnedenoir Nope. Miss Rowling could have also choose the normal way. You know being cursed but look normal. Michael Crichton could have chosen a normal zoo á la the zoo (series).

They are still part of the story, not simply details. Changing them changes the story. Now, you could change Potter’s scar to another physical demarcation, “Holy Shit! Harry Potter! I know it’s you with those glowing green incisors.” Now, I’m not a Potter efficianado, in fact I don’t even like the few movies I’ve seen, but I believe the scar has more symbolism than just being cursed as the books progress. it would still be less of a change than dinosaurs to zoo animals, or even cloned critters from the Pleistocene. But the latter would be closer. To change the scar or to swap out dinosaurs requires plot changes.

Indie’s hat is a prop, a detail, but it becomes a running gag. If in the first movie his hat had just stuck to his head, or he didn’t wear a hat at all... Would we miss it? Not if we never knew it existed. It wouldn’t change the quest for the arc at all. The plot would not change.
 
Demesnedenoir I must say, “you’re right, dude!”. While you weren’t more or less online I watched my Blu-Ray and DVD collection. And well, I found Jurassic City—the worst and barefaced story copy of a blockbuster movie.
 

Tom

Istar
Tom Sometimes the detail is very important. For example, the look of the character. I mean can you imagine Harry Potter without his lightning scar? Or Indie from Indiana Jones without his hat or without his typical whip? The setting can be also important. Or can you imagine the Jurassic Park without dinosaurs?
These are all examples of plot-essential details, ones that inform the story in vital ways. Harry's scar was given to him by the main antagonist and it helps define him as "the boy who lives" in a very direct and physical way. Indiana Jones' whip and hat define his adventuring alter ego from his normal occupation as a professor (and this split is a pretty defining element of his character). Jurassic Park literally wouldn't exist without dinosaurs. That's not a detail, that's a WHOLE plot point.

Taking the time to note minor background elements that have no bearing on the scene or overarching story clutters up your narrative flow with unnecessary information. Knowing that the office is typical of American offices isn't going to affect the plot, unless the cubicle layout comes into an escape like in The Matrix. Her sitting by the window might be worth noting, if she's later going to break through it, or if it's involved in the scene in other ways. The character's hair style isn't essential to the plot. Neither are family photos in the cubicles.

Rule of thumb: Keep it clean, simple, and easy to follow. You don't need to go full Ernest Hemingway, but brevity is one of your most powerful tools when developing a good writing style. Know what you need to include and what you don't.
 
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