How to write a gay character

[Hancewicz]

The first thing you notice about women and gay people is that they touch other people much more often than straight men. Maybe this helps somehow? )

 

[Nihal]

The first thing you notice about women and gay people is that they touch other people much more often than straight men. Maybe this helps somehow? )

I don't think so... Touching people is a cultural and personal thing, it's not genre-related, much less a feminine trait.

 

[Deleted member 2173]

I don't think so... Touching people is a cultural and personal thing, it's not genre-related, much less a feminine trait.

Gayness and touchy-feeleyness don't go hand in hand ( see what I did there? ).

Ultimately, it all depends on how in-depth you want to go with this character. My gayness doesn't define me, but if someone were to write a story about me and not include that aspect of my character, they wouldn't be successful in conveying who I am fully. At the same time, if I was only a walk-on character or had little to do with the story, then why would it come up.

 

[Caged Maiden]

Okay... so you've got a lot to think about here, reading this thread. One thing I want to mention... Most people are straight. Right? Most people are also right-handed. Still with me? So When would we "notice" a lefty? Well, I do on the archery range... I was fencing with two lefties last Saturday and have some nice bruises on my right arm and leg.. not normal... when they're writing a letter? The point is... most people will assume most other people they come across will be like them, right-handed and straight. Imagine what it feels like to be the lefty... or the gay person. Sort of a constant reminder when people around are talking about their wife or you're hanging out with your friends, fishing or something and shirts come off and people go swimming and you can't help but have a look. Do you wonder whether all your friends feel like you do? Do you feel it's "wrong" to notice your friends in that way? I mean, there's a lot more to this than just being gay, it's how you "know" you're gay, what people say about it and how you feel about your very nature. Sexuality is a natural part of life. It's hard to stifle.

I have a very good friend who is a lesbian. She sums it up well saying, "I tried it once, being with a man. I just had to see whether I was gay or what. I was bored and absolutely not into it and when it was over, I thought to myself, yep, I'm just a big old lesbian." I have to admit, I've never had the guts to ask any of my other gay friends how they knew they were gay or how they went about confirming it, but I can imagine in our culture, where homosexuality is largely accepted and even celebrated in certain communities, it's easier to know it's an option than say... in a culture where everyone is hush-hush and pretends such things don't exist because they're mortal sins or something... In that case, I'd be darn scared when I went to the swimming hole with my same-sex friends and felt compelled to have a look and admire... and maybe felt a stirring within me that I knew meant something.

SO yeah... I think a lot of this is going to really be defined by your culture. There's a huge difference between a young man raised in a society that doesn't know homosexuality exists and he has feelings he doesn't know what to do with (sort of an innocent perspective on it maybe), and a middle-aged person who's known his whole life that his sexual desires are enough to get him burned at the stake for denying the will of the gods... or something. The first character might be fine being what he is and go about life as though he felt much like everyone else does, but e has no desire to marry for some reason. The second might be feeling very wronged or denied a part of himself because of the social or religious order oppressing his desires. Both those characters will react differently to things and THAT will define them as characters, not directly their sexuality.

 

[Alex Beecroft]

If your world is an accepting one, then surely it'll come up in conversation at some point? "Did you leave someone behind?" "No, I broke up with my lover a month before this, he's married to a tailor now. You?" "My wives are looking for a younger woman to replace me right now, I bet!"

 

[Steerpike]

It comes down to people looking for stereotypes to run with, thinking that will lead them to an authentic character. It won't. I know a lot of gay people. They're as diverse as any other group of people. I worked for two gay guys who ran a construction company. They were pretty much your average construction workers. Don't fall into the trap of stereotyping your characters.

 

[saellys]

Sorry for bumping an oldie, but Caged Maiden, I got a kick out of your swimming hole analogy, as two of my male characters who end up in a relationship literally have a swimming hole moment.

It comes down to people looking for stereotypes to run with, thinking that will lead them to an authentic character. It won't. I know a lot of gay people. They're as diverse as any other group of people. I worked for two gay guys who ran a construction company. They were pretty much your average construction workers. Don't fall into the trap of stereotyping your characters.

I think you missed most of the actual good advice people gave in this thread, which did not involve stereotypes at all, but focused on how that particular character might behave, depending on the situation.

 

[rhd]

I've read some of the comments here and you've got some great feedback. I find this interesting...the homosexuality of a character would be relavent in a situation where there's conflict with that sort of thing, otherwise it's a just a part of life, it can be a part of who you are but can't define you completely, it would be significant if your world had a tendency to make a big issue out of someone's sexual orientation and sex and that would make that person more frustrated/frightened/rebellious/depressed and then significantly define their personality. Just like anything else, for example, if a person just mentions in passing that yes, I was with him for a while (and unless it has relavence to the plot) people just move on to another subject or tease them a bit and then move on, diluting the issue and making acceptance subtle and relavent. For an outside view of my country we had an old British anti-sodomy law that was petitioned against as anti-gay which was repealed in 2009, but otherwise my traveller-friend swears that India is a gay-friendly country, two men holding hands and walking down the beach meant nothing until cable arrived and put ideas in people's heads. In fact, I'd say we have bigger issues with consensual straight sex because of purity/honour/class/caste issues, even if it is freer in urban India, people will point fingers and gossip, so yes, when it's normal there's less to discuss. That's my two paisa.

 

[AnnaBlixt]

Oh, great discussion!

I like it when you slip the gay/bi thing in discretely. My favorite is probably in the SF-series Babylon 5. JMS is making such a non-deal out of it, but still includes it discretely. Ivanova and Talia having a thing... and Marcus and Stephen travelling incognito as a married gay couple on a honeymoon!

My least favorite is Robin Hobb's Dragon Keeper trilogy. Hest comes off as such a dick, and from time to time it seems as if his sexuality is the problem. If he had been straight, he wouldn't have been an evil rapist dick. That is very clearly established. Sure, gays can be evil too, I suppose, but in Hest's case it seems like his sexuality (and with it his difficulties in producing a child) is the root of his wickedness.

I have a bisexual female lead in the book I am currently working on. She has had a relationship with a female previously, but she is single when the male lead encounters her. For her, having a relationship with a female seemed a very convenient solution. She is a very sexual person, but she doesn't want to settle down or risk a pregnancy. A same-sex relationship is safe that way. She explains it as "A body is a body and it was a cold winter".

I worried a bit at first about having a bisexual woman pursue a same-sex relationship at first, but then go after a man. I was worried about having it seem like the same-sex relationship was just a thing of convenience. But I let those thoughts go after a while. For her - the woman she was with was the wrong person, and the man she finds later is the right one. And it's really about the personalities, isn't it? ;-)

 

[rhd]

"And it's really about the personalities, isn't it?" Yeah, or may be not, I don't know if a great personality is enough to change one's orientation, like for example you meet an amazing girl but depending on how far up or down you are on the Kinsey scale, you like cisgender muscled hairy types and imagining her as one of them might be difficult, you might feel like supplanting her personality on a different body you just can't do that....plus, how does she feel about that?-- I might just land up insulting someone by even suggesting it...Anyway, I like your story and character already, she's very practical.

 

[AnnaBlixt]

"And it's really about the personalities, isn't it?" Yeah, or may be not, I don't know if a great personality is enough to change one's orientation, like for example you meet an amazing girl but depending on how far up or down you are on the Kinsey scale, you like cisgender muscled hairy types and imagining her as one of them might be difficult, you might feel like supplanting her personality on a different body you just can't do that....plus, how does she feel about that?-- I might just land up insulting someone by even suggesting it...Anyway, I like your story and character already, she's very practical.

Sorry, I meant "if you are bisexual, it's really about the personalities". ;-)

Of course, in a midevial type setting, heirs were important, so you probably ended up marrying someone of the opposite sex whether you were hetero or not. I guess the view on same-sex encounters in this environment depends a lot of what kind of society you have made, and how society views same-sex relationships should probably reflect how you write about them. If homosexuality is a mortal sin, then you might need a different approach than if it is something that almost everyone is expected to do on the side. In a society where it is a more common occurrence, more people might be willing to try it at least.

 

[Aidan of the tavern]

Sorry, I meant "if you are bisexual, it's really about the personalities". ;-)

Of course, in a midevial type setting, heirs were important, so you probably ended up marrying someone of the opposite sex whether you were hetero or not. I guess the view on same-sex encounters in this environment depends a lot of what kind of society you have made, and how society views same-sex relationships should probably reflect how you write about them. If homosexuality is a mortal sin, then you might need a different approach than if it is something that almost everyone is expected to do on the side. In a society where it is a more common occurrence, more people might be willing to try it at least.

Yeah, I guess a lot comes down to what civilisation your fantasy world corresponds to most. A European medieval-esq country might not take anything other than Heterosexuality very well. On the other hand the anicent Greeks were very cool about it, they didn't stick "sexuality labels" on people like todays societies, if you had a relationship with someone of the same sex that was just another aspect of your sexual life.