Need a Soft Moment

[Devor]

Before the action comes home, I need to open with a chapter that sets the scene and introduces the main POV character.

Currently the prologue is set to follow a secondary character, who meets the main conflict and brings it back with him when he meets up with the main character in Chapter 2.

That leaves me with a chapter before we hit the action, and I figure I'd ask for your input while I'm still trying to figure out who some of these characters are.

The main character is at a place in life where he's getting ready to settle down. He's in a relationship, but as he's going to be drawn into the conflict, he has to weigh how much he wants to settle down against the call to action.

The girl will be able to hold her own, but she's untested. I don't know if they'll end up together or not, but I need something to start that chain.

Any thoughts?

 

[Penpilot]

Sorry I'm a little unsure of what you mean when you say the girl will be able to hold her own but is untested. Am I to assume that she's going to go on the adventure with him? I'm going to go under that assumption and I assume this is also a fantasy setting.

Correct me if I'm wrong. The guy and girl are in a relationship, the guy gets a call to adventure pulling him and her away from their planned life.

I'd start with them going about their planned course, planning and putting together their life together. Eg building a house, working a farm, buying a tavern, etc. Show that their relationship isn't perfect, have them bicker about a few things that are seemingly meaningless to set up doubt in their relationship. Then it's ripe to throw the monkey wrench into things.

 

[Caged Maiden]

I'm much better at writing the lovey scenes than the war bits, so I'll give it a stab. Your post was sort of short, so I may be way off here, but if you're trying to just show who the man and woman are, maybe open in a calm setting. I opened Warrior's Heart, a story set in a war-torn land with two teens telling stories in a barn. My main focus in the first couple chapters was solely to show the strength of their love which is meant to carry them through their own struggles, as they're soon parted. I don't know how successful that was, but I like books which open in a calm setting, somewhere the two character's connection is the focus. Of course that all depends on your setting.
I'll just help you brainstorm and hopefully that will help you.

She's hauling water, wrestling a stubborn nag into a stall, bringing her goods to market, doing any menial task, etc. and he comes to help her. they get to have a brief exchange about the world, political clime, feelings for each other, the future in general, etc.

It's a celebration of some sort in the village, city, town, countryside, and everyone's turned up. The MCs interact, dance, sing, drink, etc. as you describe the people, town, setting.

A love scene that almost got hot and heavy, but for some interruption, bells chiming calling the people to the town square, an important knock on the door, hell even a wily puppy jumping on the bed causing the MCs to burst into laughter showing what good friends they are rather than just lovers.

Anyways, loads more ideas in me if you can narrow down where you want the beginning scene to go and what result it ought to have on the rest of the story.

 

[Sinitar]

Feel free to disagree, but the extra chapter you are seeking kind of ruins the suspense for me. I'm not sure how your story is structured, but the main character's inner conflicts are better off without the soft moment. This way, the readers will have a better understanding of the stakes when change knocks on the door, and the plot gains significant momentum.

I know you'd feel more comfortable with a chapter that establishes the setting and introduces the protagonist, but this technique is used by every writer. Let's think about it for a moment: How much do you like first chapters that introduce X character to you, without a shred of excitement/conflict/something to hook the reader? To be honest, I don't like them at all; if I don't have a good reason to sympathize with a character, its chapters become dull.

With that thought in mind, let's approach what you have from a different angle. What would it be if the action kicks off at the very beginning? As a reader, I'd surely be hooked by how that guy's life is turned upside down. More so, you can offer us a better insight into his mind and what he thinks of this mess.

Evaluate your story's structure and weigh the importance of the chapter you seek. Is it mandatory, or simply a tool meant to connect plot points?

 

[Caged Maiden]

True. What about rather than a whole chapter (which I agree is a bit much) you think about a scene. There's no reason your characters can't be enjoying simple happy living like I described above, and then an event happens. Imagine the impact of (I'll pick one at random becuse I don't know your setting) a rural May Day celebration with its bright ribbons and all the girls in town wearing flowers in their hair, your lovers in each others' arms... when all of a sudden mounted soldiers ride through, causing people to flee, or maybe some of them die.

I think every story is its own thing, and while one template might work for one, another template might work better for another. I think having a soft scene focused on the lovers is a fine way to start out. To me, love stories are the backbones of most of my stories, the adventure being the rest of the beast.

 

[Shockley]

I agree with Anihow - don't make it a whole chapter. One of the best introductions I can think of was the second book of Brian Jacques' Redwall books.

It was a very domestic scene. The mother and father with their children. They were doing chores (or something like that), and putting the children to bed. Then another character busts through the door and tells them that soldiers are coming. They rush to pack - they have a scene or two where they struggle to leave their home and debate what is necessary on the road - and then the action of the story starts.

That's what I like, but I couldn't handle that for a full chapter.

 

[Steerpike]

If the main conflict is introduced in the prologue and you are struggling with a Chapter that is going to occur before the action, why not make the prologue Chapter One? That means you open the first chapter with more action, and with the conflict, and the reader will be more forgiving of a slower Chapter Two where you establish the other character.

 

[Devor]

While I appreciate the honesty everybody, I don't really think I need help right now with the action or with making it interesting. I think I need help finding a way to set up their relationship, and I'd really appreciate it if people could focus on that.

If it helps, he's partly a farmer and partly an adventurer while she's a mounted patrol - the fact that she's a woman is actually important to her job.

Something which comes to mind is that coming-of-age stories often start with bullies or awkward encounters with the girl, and I'm wondering if there's a similar tropes or starting places that would be appropriate for a later stage in life. While I know that I want the relationship conflict to be about his readiness to settle down, I'm not sure exactly whether they're just talking about it, about to get married, or are actually buying land, so to speak. I'm not sure that I've seen a lot of stories which begin here.

Penpilot, I like the idea of throwing in a little bickering. I think that feels human, and I don't think I want the outcome of their relationship to be obvious, certainly not yet. So a little, but not a lot.

Anihow, I'm leaning on the menial-task, he-comes-to-help idea, but as a formula it needs more. I can make menial-in-this-world seem interesting to a reader, but as she's the minor-authority-figure, maybe she should come to help him? Maybe he's selling food from his farm at the market, someone tries to hustle him, and she intervenes? What would you think of something like that?

 

[Penpilot]

If you're looking for that awkward encounter in adult form then how about these two scenarios.

1 - They're not a couple yet, but their parents/friends are trying play match maker and setting them up on a date because they just know these two crazy kids will get along great. Plus the friends are just tired of them hanging around as the fifth wheel when they all hang out.

2 - If they're dating or are already a couple, have the parents/friends apply pressure by asking them when they're going settle down and have a family. Parents want grand kids LOTS of them.

 

[Caged Maiden]

Anihow, I'm leaning on the menial-task, he-comes-to-help idea, but as a formula it needs more. I can make menial-in-this-world seem interesting to a reader, but as she's the minor-authority-figure, maybe she should come to help him? Maybe he's selling food from his farm at the market, someone tries to hustle him, and she intervenes? What would you think of something like that?

I love it. That sets up your bickering right there when his masculinity is threatened because she intervenes. See I think those slow periods where you are exploring the relationship is important. I was beginning to feel like a freak on this forum because I write a sort of Romantic Fantasy. Is that a real genre? I don't know. But love stories are very central to my books, and though a couple are conflicted, and some are squishy, and some are subtle, it's scenes like these that fill the pages between bodies bleeding out in the mud.

One tiny thing about the conflict. Unless your farmers are unusual, I'm not sure they'd be the sort of person someone would bother steal from at a market (that sounds kinda small potatoes to me). What about if thieves were stealing his sheep or cattle? Now that's more exciting (he can ride them down or she can), plus then you can throw in a hanging in the end!

Best wishes.

 

[Jon_Chong]

Before I comment, there are a few things I would like to clarify.

1.) How is he a part farmer/part adventurer? Unless you mean to say he's done with adventuring and has decided to take up his father's farm. There is one other thing: I do not like the word adventurer. A person gets money by doing jobs, not by going on adventures. If he specializes in exploring old ruins, he would be an explorer. If he lives by the strength of his sword, then he is likely a mercenary. If he was part of an army, then he is an ex-soldier. By specifying his area of specialty, you narrow down his skill set and thereby narrow down the list of logical responses to any given situation. Knowing this is crucial.

2.) What does the reader know about their relationship at this stage? Are they close? Childhood friends? Are they betrothed? By simply defining this, the resulting scene will be more natural as their choice of word s and dialogue will change depending on the nature of their relationship. Here's an example scene

He's in the tavern after a hard day in the fields. He's still adjusting to the hours and the labor. She's late though. They promised to meet two hours past. He's getting antsy but he tries to hide it and waits. Some kids come in, trying to cause trouble with the local barmaid. Nothing serious but he's getting annoyed. He tells them to cool it outside or he will take them outside. They take him on his bluff. So he starts breaking noses. Enter the woman. She catches him with a kid's head in his meaty palms, ready to slam the kid's face into a table. The entire tavern is quiet. He lets the kid go, acutely aware of the blood on his hands and shirt. No one is hurt too badly, but the damage is already done. There were no words said as she moves to tend to the wounded.

A simple scene like this sets the dynamics of the relationship, his place in the village versus her place in the village and him adjusting to the routine of farm life. It also showcases his skills, which is very important.

 

[Devor]

Before I comment, there are a few things I would like to clarify.

1.) How is he a part farmer/part adventurer?

2.) What does the reader know about their relationship at this stage?

1 - I'm just being intentionally vague because it's not really relevant and I've had threads derail or end the moment I give a lot of explanations. I think maybe it gets intimidating. I also want the moment to be about their relationship, and I can figure out how tie-it-in to his activities later. He does not actually go by the title "adventurer."

2 - The reader knows nothing, this is their first chapter. I have characters, a world, and a concept, but I don't even have an outline. (I don't have much writing time yet so I'm starting with short stories to introduce some of the characters. But those aren't relevant for this question.) I figured this was the time to ask because everything is so much in flux and there aren't a lot of details to reconcile.

He's in the tavern after a hard day in the fields. He's still adjusting to the hours and the labor. She's late though. They promised to meet two hours past. He's getting antsy but he tries to hide it and waits. Some kids come in, trying to cause trouble with the local barmaid. Nothing serious but he's getting annoyed. He tells them to cool it outside or he will take them outside. They take him on his bluff. So he starts breaking noses. Enter the woman. She catches him with a kid's head in his meaty palms, ready to slam the kid's face into a table. The entire tavern is quiet. He lets the kid go, acutely aware of the blood on his hands and shirt. No one is hurt too badly, but the damage is already done. There were no words said as she moves to tend to the wounded.

While you've mentioned a few things to consider, that's a little brazen for someone at this stage of life. But I like having her be "late" while domestic conflict pops up. It foreshadows her entry and seems less coincidental.

See I think those slow periods where you are exploring the relationship is important. I was beginning to feel like a freak on this forum because I write a sort of Romantic Fantasy. Is that a real genre?

I think it's considered a sub-genre of Romance novels.

The thing is, most fantasy readers are men because it's a genre that opens up great possibilities for action, but most readers are women who are more interested in relationship dynamics. Good writing - by which I mean, just for the moment, writing designed to deliver an impact on the largest number of readers - will find ways to incorporate both, and would probably lean more on character than action. There's a lot of people on the sidelines who would read that kind of fantasy if it reached them.

I think there's sometimes a concept gap on this forum. Sometimes "action" means intense-climactic-drama, while it should probably be used more often to refer to anything which focuses on the character's activities. There's no reason a soft moment can't be interesting. Speaking of which, you should check out my entry in Trigger Challenge 3, and you'll understand the roots of my deep-seeded loathing for Mr. Sidekick (which is 100.00 percent of the time overwhelmed by his Legendariness).

One tiny thing about the conflict. Unless your farmers are unusual, I'm not sure they'd be the sort of person someone would bother steal from at a market (that sounds kinda small potatoes to me). What about if thieves were stealing his sheep or cattle? Now that's more exciting (he can ride them down or she can), plus then you can throw in a hanging in the end!

Well, hustling isn't really the same as stealing, but I'll take note that you kicked the action up a notch. I'll try to think of a stronger source of conflict for her to intervene for. Maybe I should create a character to serve as their foil, locally. Probably someone tied to her, since I know less about her. Any thoughts about what kind of person causes trouble for a woman at this stage in life?

 

[Jon_Chong]

What do you mean by a woman at this stage in her life? Like how old is she? Or are you referring to her position in the patrol? Exactly how old is she and what is her rank in the patrol?

 

[Devor]

What do you mean by a woman at this stage in her life? Like how old is she? Or are you referring to her position in the patrol? Exactly how old is she and what is her rank in the patrol?

I'm just referring to a person who is almost ready to settle down but about to have that interrupted. I'm looking for an idea for how to establish their relationship dynamic, and I'm asking now because there aren't yet a lot of those details to reconcile.

Right now I think it would be best to create a character who can spur on conflicts for them at home, but I'm back and forth about how much of a role such a character should play right out the door. I don't want him to steal the scene from the MCs or come across as too weak of a character. I think I need some kind of a moment between the two characters which then transitions into a conflict from their domestic foil.

For such a character, I think the best thought so far is to create a former mentor in the patrol who doesn't like her because he was injured or else had someone die while she was dealing with relationship issues. But I don't think "she was out that day" is going to justify an antagonistic relationship and "she was sloppy" might make her look too weak because it would come up in her formative moments as a character.

Once I figure this out I shouldn't have a problem deciding where to take it, but just getting started with this relationship stuff could take me a while to figure out. Any ideas for a moment or a domestic foil would be really helpful.

 

[Caged Maiden]

Hmm.. writing relationships is my forte, but I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for. I'm happy to help if I can, but I'm not entirely sure what is going on in your world.

 

[Jon_Chong]

Okay, so you're looking for something that can interrupt the MCs' decision to settle down while establishing their relationship dynamic. But before we get the cart before the horse, we need to know what kind of relationship they have before we can plausibly interrupt it. Have you decided on their relationship dynamic?

 

[Devor]

Hmm.. writing relationships is my forte, but I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for. I'm happy to help if I can, but I'm not entirely sure what is going on in your world.

Okay, so you're looking for something that can interrupt the MCs' decision to settle down while establishing their relationship dynamic. But before we get the cart before the horse, we need to know what kind of relationship they have before we can plausibly interrupt it. Have you decided on their relationship dynamic?

No Jon_Chong, I'm looking for something to establish their character dynamic before their plans get interrupted. I have my plot, I have the interruption, I'm just trying to find a starting place for the MC's story.

I'm really hesitant to believe that piling on a mountain of detail will help, especially when the key details really are still up in the air. The only thing I know is that I want the two characters to be in a stage of life where they're about to settle down. I don't want coming of age, I don't want "romance" and wooing, I want the story and the personal conflicts between these two characters to be about their efforts to decide between wanting "the simple life" and jumping wholeheartedly into their impending roles in a climactic adventure.

Why? It may be worth noting that their beautiful world will get pretty thrashed, and I'm thinking that they may have dramatically conflicting reactions to those events. But I'm not sure who will react how, and I won't until I figure out where they're beginning.

So I won't a life-moment to figure out who they are and where their story begins. I think I also want to develop some personal complexity and conflicts around the woman's life and background by creating a new character. I know she's part of the mounted patrol, but I don't have any other details or specifics in place for her yet.

 

[SeverinR]

I think he wants to show a budding romance with long term dreams, as the calm before the storm. The hope of what they will have to look forward to, if they survive the ordeal.

 

[Jon_Chong]

Before you establish their relationship to the readers, you as an author needs to know what kind of relationship their in. Thing is, being ready to settle down is kind of vague for me and I would like a bit more detail. How old are they? How do they view their respective places in the community? Where did they meet? Was it during one of his adventures? Perhaps they were childhood friends, betrothed until his wanderlust took him. That would raise a few questions, like how does she react to him coming home? Things like that. Flesh their relationship out a bit more. You have a great starting point, but right now it's in a vacuum. We don't need a mountain of detail, but we do need bricks before we can build a house

 

[Devor]

I think he wants to show a budding romance with long term dreams, as the calm before the storm. The hope of what they will have to look forward to, if they survive the ordeal.

Maybe a little, but it's at least as much about the other end of the spectrum - I need to justify the anger and personal conflicts which come later when their home and the life they would have had is torn apart, and its return becomes seemingly more and more impossible.

We don't need a mountain of detail, but we do need bricks before we can build a house

I'm deliberately asking before those details are settled. I need to envision a moment of awesome between the two, and I'll figure out details around it. Really, any random example would help the brainstorming process.