BWFoster78
Myth Weaver
This is an excerpt from Chapter 12 of Power of the Mages:
The subtext here is that Xan really likes Ashley. When Dylan talks about her fiance, he reacts in what I hope is a mildly humorous manner. This exchange introduces Dylan's feeling on the subject of love, which becomes an the basis of a subplot later in the book.
Two questions:
1. The lesser one first - Does the humor come through? Any advice on enhancing it would be helpful.
2. Because of a beta reader's comment, I added the really telly section about how each of the three classes of people handle marriage. Firstly, does the small section of exposition distract too much? Second, I put it in there because the beta reader felt that, without it, how marriage is handled is really murky. I can kinda see his point but kinda not. On one hand, the characters go back and forth and it's not clear what the rules are. On the other, it seems like I'm bordering on overexplaining by adding this. What think you? Should I keep the explanation or get rid of it?
Thanks!
Brian
“Dylan, you’ve been to Asherton. Have you heard anything about Ashley? The townspeople gossip about her, right?” Xan sipped his drink.
“Not a lot. There was a big blowup a year or so ago about her fiancé.”
The comment hit Xan like a kick in the gut. He inhaled sharply and erupted in a fit of coughing. Tea flowed from his nose. Lainey stifled a laugh by putting a hand over her mouth.
Brant slapped Xan on the back. “Are you okay? What happened?”
Xan gathered himself and wiped away the tears caused by the liquid going down the wrong pipe. “I’m fine. Just swallowed wrong.” He gawked at Dylan. “What were you saying about a fiancé?” His breath caught as he waited for the response.
Dylan settled back to tell the story. “Lady Ashley negotiated the marriage via courier. Apparently, when she saw the guy, thrice her age and four times her weight, she threw a fit, made the duke cancel the wedding for all that it had been her idea. There was a big stink. Duke Asher had to pay reparations.”
Xan exhaled in relief. Though he certainly should have, he had never considered that Ashley might be wed or promised to someone. Nobles often arranged marriages for political gain. Farmers and the like tended almost to sell their daughters, but the artisan class, more so with each generation, were more prone to give scions a choice.
“Glad my dad won’t try to tell me who to marry. I can choose for myself just fine.” Brant grinned. “Deciding is the fun part.”
Xan stared into the fire’s glowing orange embers. “I don’t know. Not having to court a girl makes things easier.”
Lainey flipped the bear steaks. “I agree with Brant. I don’t want someone else to pick my husband.”
“You’re a girl,” Brant said. “You don’t have a say.”
She rolled her eyes. “Boys are so clueless. What about you Dylan? Which side are you on?”
The subtext here is that Xan really likes Ashley. When Dylan talks about her fiance, he reacts in what I hope is a mildly humorous manner. This exchange introduces Dylan's feeling on the subject of love, which becomes an the basis of a subplot later in the book.
Two questions:
1. The lesser one first - Does the humor come through? Any advice on enhancing it would be helpful.
2. Because of a beta reader's comment, I added the really telly section about how each of the three classes of people handle marriage. Firstly, does the small section of exposition distract too much? Second, I put it in there because the beta reader felt that, without it, how marriage is handled is really murky. I can kinda see his point but kinda not. On one hand, the characters go back and forth and it's not clear what the rules are. On the other, it seems like I'm bordering on overexplaining by adding this. What think you? Should I keep the explanation or get rid of it?
Thanks!
Brian
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